


Peachy Pomegranate

by quinship



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Faked Suicide, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Hades/Persephone AU, Love by Proximity, Underworld, death reference, quinlove, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-18 02:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 77,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13090395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinship/pseuds/quinship
Summary: Sara and Tegan just thought it was going to be a regular one-night stand. But as it turns out, Tegan's secrets lead to unforeseen consequences and they end up stuck with each other's company for eternity... literally.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, welcome to this fic, my current pride and joy! Hope you enjoy :3
> 
> Content Notes: Alcoholism

Sara had never really considered herself to be much of a party animal, usually preferring to stay in and study in a quiet location that was away from most people, but the end of exams always inspired the need to let loose and do things she normally wouldn’t. Her freshman year of college, she had discovered that she had a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance. However, this didn’t make her a very good designated driver, as when she did go out; more often than not she had the intention of getting completely smashed. However: this time she more so had the desire to get laid than drunk. Grad school mixed with a job made it difficult for her to date as much as she would have wanted due to her standards usually being rather high. It was rare that she did engage in a one night stand; usually preferring to have been dating for a while before having sex, but she’d relax her usual rules for one night. After all, the only thing she really wanted was a body underneath her that she was attracted to and wouldn’t give her any long-term results.

Perhaps others might dress a bit more risqué than she preferred to when going out, but she found that her chosen attire worked just fine when attracting women in gay clubs. Semi tight jeans, Doc Marten knockoffs, a white top, and her favorite brown leather jacket, combined with the right stance and look in her eyes made her enough of a chick magnet. She did prefer to cover up, but her spin on dressing sexy included a black bra underneath her shirt which was translucent when the correct lighting hit it. Light makeup to hide blemishes and dark circles, but emphasize features that women often found attractive… Sara was in business. She didn’t usually like to get hit on or checked out, but this time she’d use all of her assets to get her what she wanted.

Upon perfecting her attire, Sara moved around her tiny apartment, cleaning up in case the one-night stand ended up at her place. She moved her lube and condoms into the drawer of her nightstand for easy access. Her sheets had been changed earlier that afternoon, so those were set to go. Her bathroom was neat, and there were extra toothbrushes under the sink just in case, while her best friend’s was hidden in the medicine cabinet.

Sara was a neat person in general, so there really wasn’t much to do, but she liked to make sure anyway. She personally felt that a messy room could take her out of the mood. She wasn’t sure about other people, but for her, she wanted a clean home for herself to have a good time. She also carefully moved any extremely personal touches or anything that would really tell anyone very much about who she was, to desk drawers. This category was composed of family pictures and diplomas she’d framed. Perhaps she’d want to get to know the person, but so far, she didn’t need for them to know her personally. Physically was quite enough for someone who was only a one night stand, thank you very much. She didn’t generally like to start a relationship with people she’d had had sex with first because a one night stand and dating someone required very different mentalities. For her, one night stands were about people engaging in a sexual experience together, and dating was about getting to know the person. So she preferred to have privacy about her personal life when she really only wanted to have sex with the person of interest one time.

She checked herself in the mirror one last time after looking around her apartment and checking to see if she had all of her necessary items in her pockets. She had her wallet, inhaler, her phone was fully charged, and she had her keys in her hand, complete with the plastic cat-shaped knuckle duster key chain. Perfect. As Sara shut the door, she texted her best friend Emy to inform her that she was on her way to the club that they had agreed upon and that she had eaten. She and Emy discussed their attire as Sara took an Uber to the club that she and her friends had chosen.

Emy had been Sara’s college roommate, but she was an outgoing person and basically adopted Sara as her best friend, and five years later, the arrangement continued and the two were the closest people in each other’s lives, despite the fact that Sara liked space from everyone in her life; this was why she lived alone.

When Sara arrived outside of the club, she took a few minutes to find her best friend in the crowd of people in line to get into the club but placed a hand on Emy’s shoulder when she finally found her, letting out a sigh of relief. They moved to the side, near the street so that they could wait for their other friends to join them, as they didn’t like it when other people held spots in line for the rest of their own groups, so they had to wait until everyone got there before getting in line.

“You look like a third of all of the other people here.” Sara teased. “Brunette and white.”

“You’re not that unique looking yourself, Sasa, since you fit that description too,” Emy replied. “Ok, so the others are going to take a while to get here because they’re always late, meanwhile you’re always early.”

“So are you,” Sara pointed out, quirking an eyebrow playfully.

“Yeah but I’m on time because I like going places and seeing people. You’re early because you have anxiety.” Emy poked Sara in the arm. They were both on their phones just to have something to do with their hands and to look occupied in case any unwanted attention might think that it was ok to talk to them unsolicited. “By the way, look at this new bracelet design for my Etsy shop.” Emy practically waved her wrist in front of Sara’s face. “Do you like it? Does it look awkward? Should I adjust the pattern to allow for more beads?”

“Hold on, I need light.” Sara turned on the flashlight of her phone so that she could look at the detailing of the bracelet. She examined the pink, blue, and white macramé style trans pride bracelet. Emy always tested out her new designs with the colors of her pride flags because her identity as a trans lesbian was important to her, and therefore those colors were her favorites to work with. “You did a good job, Em. I love it.” She replied honestly.

“Are you sure? I feel like if I adjusted the pattern slightly I could get more beads on there… But this seems like a more subtle pride bracelet that anyone could wear in public.” Emy rambled.

Sara smiled. Emy always got like this when presenting a new work to her. “I think it’s perfect, but if you want to play with it a little bit, you can always have me look at them side by side… Or you could sell both patterns.”

“Ok, thanks, Sasa.” Emy lowered her hand, smiling.

“I forgot to ask: you ate before coming, right?” Sara checked. “I would have offered to have you come over to get ready, but I wanted quiet time.”

“Yeah, I had dinner,” Emy assured her. “And I get it if you need quiet time. Just call me if you want anything aside from different easy preparations of pasta, canned soup, and microwave dinners.”

“It’s not my fault I can’t cook. I mean, I should learn how. I just… It’s faster to make the stuff I know how to make.”

“I understand, but one of these days you are going to get scurvy.” Emy teased. “You would have gotten it already if it weren’t for me cooking for you at least once a week.”

“I can’t thank you enough for that. I still don’t get why you won’t let me pay you back, though.” Sara leaned against a lamp post they were standing next to. “And cut the ‘you pay me in friendship’ crap.”

“You live in an apartment alone. You have to pay for everything in your household; meanwhile, I have two roommates and have it easier. Plus, I’m used to cooking for my girlfriend. And you do pay me in friendship.” Emy rested against the lamppost too, her arm touching Sara’s. “I know it seems like I have a bunch of people always around me who I’m close with, but you are my best friend. I just… I want you to feel like it, and I know you have to be in the right mood to be, as you said, ‘gross’ with me, but there are other ways of expressing love and having intimacy, so I want to show it in my way, but also a way you like too.”

“You sap,” Sara joked, turning to play with Emy’s hair; something she found soothing in situations with a lot of people. She suspected that this was part of why Emy had grown her hair out past chin length. This had become a habit of hers. It took a special mood for her to be affectionate, but Emy had figured out how to speak Sara’s language. In turn, Sara could read Emy like a newspaper. One look and she could tell if there was something bothering her best friend.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Emy asked.

“Well, you know I plan on having sex tonight, so maybe I can text you after the person leaves? I doubt I’ll want alone time, but on the off chance that I do, I’ll just do what we usually do and only reply when I’m ready.”

“Okie dokie,” Emy let out a breath.

“Is Sarah still calling you her ‘little wifey’?” Sara cocked an eyebrow, knowing that this breath was not just a simple exhalation, especially with the look on Emy’s face.

“Yeah… It’s so fucking stupid. I just… I really like her, but it feels like she wants to get married by twenty-five. I get that we’ve been together for six months, but I’ve tried to tell her that it seems like she’s rushing things, but she won’t listen.” Emy complained, the words rushing out of her like a floodgate opening. “I feel like this is a really bad sign… That she won’t always listen to me and I have to carefully tread around her feelings when I tell her that I don’t like the term, and she’s all ‘it’s not that bad Emy, it could be U-Haul jokes’, but that’s practically what it feels like to me. I don’t even know if I even want to get married or have kids. But like, I can’t believe she just doesn’t get that it feels degrading. I have a job, I work hard, I have a degree, but she won’t stop acting like she’s the breadwinner or something just because she makes more money than me and has a job where she has to dress up, even though my job is something I really wanted to do, but didn’t previously get a chance to. But we don’t even live together and it’s so fucking stupid and I’m so tired of it. I can’t believe I thought I was falling for her a while ago.” Emy scoffed. Sara gave a comforting squeeze to her shoulder.

“I think you need to stop trying to spare her feelings.” She murmured. “Your self-respect comes before her feelings about being called out for something you want her to stop doing. You’ve been nice about this, but I think it’s time you two talked seriously about your relationship.”

“I know… but the honeymoon phase was nice while it lasted.” Emy closed her eyes as if savoring the taste of the memories. “And it’s hard to find someone I want a relationship with.”

“Hey, you don’t need her. You’ve got me.” Sara promised. “I don’t hate affection as much as you think I do, so if you need it, I can provide it.”

“Can you provide pretzels?” Emy asked, resting her head against Sara’s shoulder

“Yeah, I’ll text Rob right now, even though you’re taking advantage of my offer.” Sara teased, grinning.

“Aww, my hero.” Emy nudged Sara with her knee.

“Are you craving the big soft ones or the small hard ones?” Sara paused at Emy’s stifled giggles. “Clean thoughts, chum.” She said, despite the grin on her face. “We’re way too gay to be talking about pretzels like this.”

“The normal ones that come in a large bag,” Emy answered, still smirking.

“Might as well get a giant ass thing of them because we both know that we’ll all devour them before we even make it inside. But also maybe get some water because those things are saltier than my personality.” Sara remarked.

“Thanks for mom-friending, Sasa.” Emy flashed Sara a sweet smile.

“I would literally only mom-friend you. Well… I guess my brother but that’s different because I have to.” Sara replied, referring to her younger brother Ted. He was five years younger, and therefore, she got stuck with babysitting duty a lot once her mother considered old enough. She did love Ted, but taking care of him and sometimes watching his friends led her to the conclusion that she didn’t like kids; not even well-behaved ones. It was ironic because in doing all of this, she had become good with children, but she never wanted to work with or raise her own. If she was going to be exposed to children, she would prefer that it was a baby because they were far less tiresome.

Sara didn’t really like most feminine gender roles; she didn’t like the idea of being a wife or mother. She preferred to have a more androgynous presentation. Emy was the first person in her life who had felt similarly about gender roles, although she presented as more feminine when Sara presented as more androgynous, however, they did fall into several of the stereotypes about gay women. Meeting Emy had been the best thing ever for Sara to be able to explore her gender presentation because they could have long thoughtful conversations about it. Sara had confided in only Emy that if it weren’t for her sexuality, she would probably have felt guilty about the fact that she preferred to shave her body. Emy liked having body hair and had pointed out that with the way Sara liked to dress (aka cover herself up), it was nobody’s business except those she chose to share it with, and anyone else could mind their own business, which was really reassuring.

“Eva’s here,” Emy announced, causing Sara to glance around before seeing their friend.

“I wish I’d thought to wear a jacket,” Eva remarked. “I had a denim one that I could have used to get the bisexual aesthetic really going.”

“I thought you got that haircut for that reason?” Sara remarked, smirking.

Eva laughed, rolling her eyes. “What are you hoes up to?” She asked.

“Waiting for the rest of you people to get here,” Emy replied sweetly.

“Apparently you guys don’t want the worm,” Sara remarked.

“Not tonight for me, anyway. I know for you guys never.” Eva winked. “Tonight I want to drink and dance.”

“Poor Rob,” Emy snickered. “He’s gonna get stuck babysitting all of us.”

“Not me,” Sara winked. “Anyway, it’s his own fault. If you don’t want to be the designated driver on a night out, don’t volunteer.”

“That doesn’t mean he can’t flirt with some nice people while it’s still early.” Emy scolded. “Being the mom friend isn’t the worst thing.”

“Says the girl who is never the designated driver.” Sara teased.

“Only because I can’t drive. And neither can you.”

“I am designated drunk dial, excuse you. Also your designated fake girlfriend.”

“Get a room, your friendship is making me nauseous.” Eva made an exaggerated face. “By the way Sara, why don’t you use Snapchat anymore?”

“I send stuff to Emy sometimes, but I guess I just don’t like posting on my story anymore, and if I’m going to have a conversation, I prefer to do it over text.” Sara shrugged. “I’m not really into the Instagram story thing either.”

“Yeah, I guess social media isn’t for everyone.” Eva shrugged. “That’s fine. I was just curious.”

“It’s ok,” Sara assured her. “But I actually do like social media… I guess I just don’t really like being visible on there. I prefer to be an observer.”

“Ugh, Stacy just let me know that she and her ‘girlfriends’ are having a sleepover at her apartment.” Emy frowned. “She said that they were getting ready and then decided that they’d rather spend the night in than out partying…” Emy looked incredibly crestfallen and Sara felt like she’d been punched in the gut. Emy was really the only route to affecting Sara emotionally.

“Oh, Em,” Sara whispered under her breath. “So is everyone but us three and Rob going?”

Emy nodded sadly. “Even my girlfriend.” Emy sighed. “Fuck… I guess this is what I get for trying to be friends with everyone.”

“I don’t know why everyone likes her,” Sara grumbled. “She’s an annoying bitch most of the time.” She wished that Emy would give up on Stacy, but Sara knew that this wouldn’t be the case. Emy would be a bit upset until Stacy greeted Emy again as though they were good friends and then blow Emy off again and again.

“I sure as hell didn’t get invited… How nice.” Eva began messing with her guitar pick necklace. “Honestly, Emy. It’s not your fault. They like her because she’s rich. There’s always one annoying friend in the group that ruins everything. Even the show FRIENDS had Ross.”

Sara clenched her jaw but took Emy’s hand. Stacy had a tendency to ruin Emy’s fun plans for their friend group to get together but act like she didn’t mean to. She was almost as outgoing as Emy was, but apparently came across as more ‘mature’ to some people, but she was flakey and often stole attention from literally anyone else in the group. Sara knew that these little attacks against Emy were actually attacks against herself in order to hurt her more. She and Stacy had a little bit of a fling after Emy initially welcomed Stacy into their friend group of gays, however, Sara had refused to do anything with Stacy ever again after finding out about her boyfriend. Needless to say, Stacy hadn’t been happy about that, given what they had already done together. Emy believed in many chances for a person, and saw the best in everyone, though Sara dearly wished Emy would give up on Stacy. All she did was try to get everyone to like her better than Emy, which was really stupid and petty of her to do.

“Em, this has to stop. You need to stop inviting her places with all of us.” Sara sighed. “I don’t know why you insist on trying to get along with her when she won’t even acknowledge her real problem: me.”

“She probably just felt tired and then everyone liked the idea of staying in… I mean, Sara, you should understand that of all people.” Emy said as though she was trying to convince herself of this.

“We’re here at least. And Rob is coming.” Eva offered the second Sara opened her mouth. “I mean… I’m not saying that deciding not to go on a whim and then getting other people to join you is actually comparable to needing alone time, but we have what we have, so it’s not that bad.”

Thankfully by this time, Rob walked over with his grocery bag and a pleasant smile on his face.

“Hey ladies, where is everybody else?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m a couple minutes late because I went to get these but shouldn’t there be more people here…?”

“It’s not really a big deal, trust me,” Eva remarked. “I was on time but these two are always like an hour early for everything so they’ll always have been waiting a while.”

“They’re not coming,” Sara rolled her eyes. “because Stacy decided to have a mass impromptu sleepover.” She stared at Emy, who forced herself to continue smiling. Sara felt the urge to hug her best friend, but she didn’t want any PDA.

Rob let out a sigh at that. “What the hell am I supposed to do with these snacks then? I doubt we’ll be allowed to bring them into the club. I got a big bag of pretzels...”

“Aw, thanks Rob. You’re so sweet to me.” Emy smiled, releasing Sara’s hand to hug him. She pulled out the bag of pretzels and dug in.

“We should get in line now.” Eva pointed out.

“Yeah, not like there’s any point waiting for anyone else anymore,” Sara replied snarkily. Usually, Emy would protest and ask her to be nice, but Emy’s mouth was full so all Sara got was a gentle swat on the arm. Sara laughed and placed a hand on Emy’s back, guiding her to the end of the line. The four of them began snacking on the food provided by Rob.

“Honestly, I forgot to eat after my shift at work today,” Eva remarked. “So this is kind of my dinner.”

“Get laid rather than getting drunk then,” Sara suggested. “That’s what I’m doing. I mean, I might have a couple drinks. Besides, I personally think it’s more fun to wake up having had sex rather than puking all over yourself.”

“Says the perpetually single one,” Emy quipped, smirking. Sara scoffed as though she was offended.

“Hey, having standards is not a bad thing,” She protested. “Besides, I haven’t gotten a chance to actually date anyone because I’m married to my studies. Plus, I have a job and I need alone time. There just recently hasn’t been time for me to involve a person who’d want to be at my place all of the time.”

“Well, I feel you, sister.” Eva shrugged. “I don’t know though. I might just hang out with Emy.”

“Nah, that’s my job,” Rob said with a mischievous grin on his face. “She needs someone to drunkenly cry to about pugs wearing frog hats.”

“I’ll turn my ringer off so that way if I’m flirting with a hot girl, I don’t have to get turned off by Emy sobbing about how much she misses me, despite us being in the same building.” Sara squeezed Emy’s shoulder. “Man, you are horrible at handling your alcohol.” She snickered at her best friend.

“Hey, the opposites attract thing works for a reason.” Emy pointed out. “Besides, Rob will probably confiscate my phone until he takes me home.”

“I got you Emy,” Rob pulled her into a protective hug.

“You’re like our resident queer feminist frat guy,” Eva remarked. “Who we are lucky to have.”

“You better appreciate me,” Rob teased. Eva ducked away from him ruffling her hair.

“Hey, I spent the better part of half an hour perfectly fixing this shit!” She protested, grinning.

“Looks like you wasted your time.” The hairstyle was slightly mussed, but Emy assisted in fixing it.

Sara may not have been an extrovert like Emy, but when she liked all of the people involved in the group, everything became more fun for her, because the social interaction was far less irritating. Emy was a big factor in whether or not Sara would come to a social gathering if there was no ulterior motive such as running into someone Sara had romantic feelings for or who could help her career if she befriended. Emy just made things better; she was like a light source when Sara agreed to go out and spend time with people. Besides, that way even if people didn’t talk to Sara she had someone to talk to.

With all of them quickly snacking upon the pretzels that Rob brought, the bag was empty by the time they reached the bouncer, and so they were able to dispose of their trash. Moving through the club to find a place to establish a check-in point every hour and that they all had to text their group chat halfway through each hour to make sure that all of them were fine. Sara found that her leather jacket was rather heavy and too hot for the club, so Rob promised to hold her jacket until she wanted to leave, and let her borrow his much lighter red cotton hoodie. She quickly departed from the group and went into the bathroom to take a few deep breaths and prepare herself to talk to women. As she stepped out of the bathroom, she scanned the bar. Most of the women over there were with someone, so Sara supposed that someone else looking to have a one night stand might hang out alone by the bar. On her way over there, she passed by Eva dancing in the crowd and smirked. She wished that she could just do things like that and not overthink them. Sara found an open spot and contemplated ordering a beer.

There was nobody that struck her fancy, so she rested her back against the bar, and stared out at the crowd, feeling the music in her body. She pushed the sleeves of the scarlet hoodie up her arms, watching women grind on each other and men grind on each other. The music was probably going to leave a lasting effect on her ears, so she wished that she had thought to bring those specialized earplugs. This was why she didn’t really like going out that much. Sara began to wonder if just having a sleepover with Emy wouldn’t have been better because she could live without having sex. But she remained stubborn against herself: she had decided that she would go to the club and find someone to have a one-night stand… Something she hadn’t done in a long time. Frankly, her period of celibacy had been longer than intended, but she’d had herself and her trusty vibrator to take care of it.

A bit of movement in the corner of her eye grabbed her attention and Sara turned her head to seek out what this was. Her eyes rested on the woman who’d just come up to the bar and Sara smiled. She’d found her mark for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm kinda going through and editing and stuff, and working on other projects and such, so it takes time for me to reupload this. There may or may not be a lil gift in chapter 3 that you guys may appreciate ;)

This woman was so obviously gay that Sara was almost surprised that violets weren’t following in her wake. She had dark brown hair almost to her shoulders. Her black leather jacket and its gray fur trim on the collar combined with black jeans made her look like a tough girl, but she wasn’t much larger than Sara herself was. Not feeling tiny was a luxury Sara usually didn’t get with most of her past partners. The woman was pretty, and looked like a sweet person, but not that Sara expected to do much interacting after that night was over. However, it would be nice to know that she wasn’t fucking a horrible person. Thankfully, this woman looked awkward, much like Sara. Bottom lip in her mouth and rocking back and forth on the heels and toes of her black steel-toed combat boots, head turned as her eyes wandered over the scene inside the club. Yeah, Sara knew that she’d better snap this one up before anyone else noticed her and decided to do something about it before anyone.

As a form of preventing herself from turning back, she used her left arm to push herself in that direction and approach her person of interest. She took a deep breath and decided against any pickup lines, and to just dive into a conversation headfirst. She didn’t usually do this, but then again, she didn’t often go to clubs, and she really rarely had a one night stand.

“So are you intentionally going for a Joan Jett aesthetic?” Sara asked loud enough to be heard over the music, which was basically yelling. The woman was startled, her eyes grew wide, but she didn’t look like she wanted Sara to leave her alone… yet. Sara stared at her face with a smile, trying to engage her enough, but not too much. After all, Sara didn’t want strings attached.

“I don’t really know who that is,” She confessed. “I’m not really in on pop culture, unfortunately. Stuff changes too quickly for me.” She bit her lip, drawing Sara’s attention to her labret piercing that she hadn’t previously noticed. Something else to add to the whole Biker Aesthetic then… Usually, Sara sprung for more feminine women, but she just wanted someone attractive. And this woman was certainly very gifted in that department.

“Oh, I just kinda do my own thing,” Sara explained. “I appreciate mainstream but I do love other stuff that isn’t really in other people’s focus.”

“Do you want to go out back?” The woman suggested somewhat nervously, seeming to be afraid of Sara saying no. “So we don’t have to shout?”

“Yeah, actually that’d be great!” Sara agreed. The two got up and carefully moved through the crowd until they went out the back door with all of the smokers. Sara moved as far as possible from the people smoking and reminded herself that she had transferred her belongings to the pockets of the hoodie; including her inhaler. “I’m Sara, by the way,” She said, finally able to speak at a reasonable volume.

“My name is Tegan,” The woman replied, smiling and looking down at her own feet shyly. “It’s nice to meet you, Sara.”

“You too. Anyway, if I whip out my inhaler at any time, it’s because I have asthma,” Sara warned.

“I’ve never seen an inhaler up close and in person,” Tegan confessed, looking slightly sheepish. “I’m… kind of sheltered, I guess.” Sara arched an eyebrow, but pulled the item out of her pocket and showed it to this woman and explained how it worked and why it worked. Tegan seemed fascinated by what Sara was saying, but Sara decided to chalk it up to Tegan just being interested in Sara in general, as Sara had done similar things to try to capture the interest of some girls in her past that she had dated, even if briefly.

“So how old are you?” Sara inquired. “I’m twenty-three.”

“I’m almost twenty-five,” Tegan replied. “So, what do you do?”

“I work at a restaurant as a hostess,” Sara answered. “I’m also a grad student though.”

“What are you studying?”

“English literature. I love books.” Sara shrugged. She needed to see if she could get what she desired from this woman soon… If Tegan wanted a full-blown relationship, Sara would have to gently explain what she was actually after, and then move onto someone who was looking for something similar to what Sara wanted. “Ok Tegan, so I know we just met and all, but I need you to know that I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I’m only interested in a one-time thing. I just need you to be aware of this as soon as possible.”

“Oh, ok good, that actually works really well for me, surprisingly,” Tegan replied, blinking and meeting Sara’s eyes. She didn’t look like she particularly wanted just a one night stand, but Sara was only willing to learn so much about a person she wouldn’t see again after that weekend. Tegan seemed alright so far, but Sara didn’t want to just blindly go to one of their places, fuck, and then be stuck not knowing enough. Sara needed to ask Tegan if she’d been tested recently, but she needed to make more small talk first out of politeness. Besides, she could decide if she was ok with putting her head between Tegan’s legs by gauging what kind of person she was.

“Anyway, are you from around here?” Sara wanted to know more about Tegan, although it wouldn’t really matter in the end.

“No, I’m just visiting. I’m staying with my parents.” Tegan bit her lip. “I mean… I know we can’t spend the night there, and I can rent a hotel room later if you want…”

“That’s ok, we can just go to my place later,” Sara assured her. “I live alone. I don’t even have pets. I mean… I wish I had cats because Scottish Folds are adorable, but I kind of want to finish grad school first. That’s kind of why I’m out tonight. I wanted to celebrate finishing my exams. I think I did pretty well, even.”

“That’s great!” Tegan grinned. She had a gummy smile, which made her already-young-looking face look even younger. She had an innocent look to her, as though she could never actually own a motorcycle despite her attire looking like it. “I never went to college. My entire education is pretty much just private tutoring.” Sara hummed, nodding. That made sense, what with the way Tegan was seeming so far.

“You don’t look the type,” Sara remarked. “Is the outfit a piece of rebellion?” Tegan laughed, shaking her head.

“You’d think it would be, wouldn’t you… But no… this actually isn’t too far off of my parents’ style.” She explained, fiddling with her fingerless gloves. “I wasn’t really the rebellious type, and I’m still not.”

“So I guess you’re sweet with a dangerous looking shell…” Sara remarked, deepening her voice and making it sensual, deciding that she needed to step up her flirting game if this was going to build into anything that would put her in the mood. She watched Tegan hide a smile behind her hand and her ears grow red at the implications behind that; ones that Sara had carefully constructed. It wasn’t necessarily good, but it did what Sara wanted it to do.

“I guess by that logic you’re hot then,” Tegan remarked, looking up at Sara through her eyelashes.

Sara licked her lips despite the cheesiness and awkwardness, earning her a lip bite from Tegan, whose eyes were resting on Sara’s mouth. She slowly moved towards Tegan, giving her plenty of opportunities to say no, but was met in the middle with a kiss. The two of them warmed up to each other, hands wandering, but staying within the confines of not crossing any potential lines. Sara was the one to pull away, but she smirked once she and Tegan regained eye contact. She was relieved that she had found someone who would fit into what she wanted for the night.

“Do you want to get out of here? We don’t have to go to my place yet…” Sara offered.

“Actually, yeah… I’d like something to eat and talk a little more.” Tegan agreed. “Did you come with anyone and want to let them know that you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, my friend has my other jacket,” Sara said, nodding. “Come on, they’ll feel better if they see you. That way if you do something to me, they’ll know what you look like.” She let Tegan have a little wink to show that she didn’t think that Tegan would actually do anything like that. But the part where Rob wanted to know what Sara’s chosen person to leave with looked like was true. Her friends cared about her safety, but in this case, there wasn’t really anything to worry about. Tegan seemed like a submissive bottom in a package that tried to portray her as a biker. Sara’d probably get a kick out of this sexual encounter. She smirked to herself as Tegan took her hand and they moved back inside, weaving through all of the gross hot and sweaty bodies. It was still kind of early, but Sara knew that it was better for her to leave sooner rather than later. Despite it being the weekend, she still expected to get at least eight hours of sleep.

Sara found Emy by knowing what her dancing looked like, and by extension found Rob. Eva was a few meters away grinding against a girl who was kissing her neck. Good for her.

Tegan moved from behind Sara to next to her, and Sara pulled out her phone to text Rob to let him know that she was leaving with Tegan. He took a good look at Tegan, who again, bit her lip out of nervousness. Sara felt a little bad for her, as she could see Tegan trying to make herself look non-threatening. Rob and Sara kept communicating via text message as they couldn’t hear each other. He gave her back her brown leather jacket but made her promise to wear the red hoodie so that she would be recognized in case she didn’t make it back home. Sara agreed to that because she really just wanted to leave before Rob got the idea of making Tegan take out her ID and taking a picture of it.

When they finally escaped the club, Sara put her leather jacket on over the hoodie. Tegan looked at her through her lashes, smiling softly.

“Your friend cares about you.” She commented. Sara nodded.

“Emy probably made him promise. She’s my best friend... She was the girl with the long brown hair next to him dancing. He’s the designated sober person, and she probably made him swear on his life that he’d make sure that I’d be ok with anyone I left with.” Sara let a faint smile color her lips.

“That’s really sweet of her…” Tegan sighed. “I don’t really have… I-My best friend is a dog, I guess. I’m more family oriented than friend oriented… I don’t know why I’m being so personal about this shit; after all, we won’t see each other again after tonight.” She looked sad about this, but Sara wasn’t really in the mood to ask.

“Where do you want to go?” She asked. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Um… Something sweet, I guess. Ooh, ice cream?” Tegan perked up.

“I know a place. They make some amazing brownie splits.” Sara suggested, smiling with relief. “It’s not too far from here… We can walk. Unless you have a car or bike or something?”

“I got a ride here, so we can walk,” Tegan assured her. As Sara moved towards the direction they needed to go, Tegan reached out to take her hand but stopped as though she was afraid that her touch would repulse Sara.

“You can hold my hand if you want,” Sara said, amused at Tegan’s hesitancy. This woman was clearly shy, and there was a lot to her. Perhaps Sara would have been interested in dating her, but maybe not. After all, Sara had a bit of a type… That was usually feminine straight women. It was also a bit of a recipe for disaster in the form of heartbreak and ache, but in each case, Sara just couldn’t help herself. Lately, she hadn’t been caught up in anyone; the latest person having been Stacy, a mistake. Since then, Sara had remained uninterested in any sort of romantic entanglement and had always been too busy to even think about dating, but when she did offer any thought, she ultimately decided that it was too much effort.

So there she was, walking next to Tegan. Sara took the other woman’s hand, knowing that Tegan would be too shy to do so after hesitating the first time. She stole a glance at Tegan’s face, seeing her smile. Sara was going to have sex with a complete softie in a badass package, which she’d gladly unwrap from Tegan’s body.

“So have you been tested for anything?” Sara asked, deciding to finally get it out of the way.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’m clear of everything. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone.” Tegan answered, looking a bit flustered.

“Ok, just making sure. I don’t have anything either. It has also been a long time for me, but I don’t see how you were able to go so long without anyone taking an interest.” Sara let Tegan see that she was checking her out.

“Just my usual environment is generally void of attractive and interested women like you,” Tegan replied, her free hand coming up to rub the back of her own neck. “But… I kind of want to know more about you… What are you interested in?”

“Hmm… I know this is probably a bad idea, but politics.” Sara confessed, grimacing. “We probably shouldn’t talk about it though. Sorry for bringing it up.” Sara noted that Tegan almost looked disappointed.   

“Anything else?”

“I love reading. I’ll read anything. That’s why I’m majoring in English Literature. I’ve thought about getting my Ph.D., but it’s expensive enough to get my MA. I’m planning on getting a more permanent job that is more related to what I want to do and paying off my existing loans before going back to school.” Sara explained.

“What made you fall in love with reading?” Tegan asked.

“When I was younger, my parents trusted me to go home on my own, while leaving my brother in afterschool care.” Sara explained, “So I would have the house to myself for long periods of time each day. I’d get lonely and the TV just makes me feel worse, so I’d stop at the library on the way home, and I had a library card, and I’d check out books a couple times a week, and I’d feel less lonely and bored. I can’t remember my first books, but I remember my favorites because I got to the point where my mom just bought those books for me so that I could stop checking out the same ones over and over. I still have the ones she bought me. They’re a little beat up, but I occasionally revisit them.”

“I read a lot too… I have a lot of time to fill. I was first a fan of the really old stuff, but there is a lot of modern stuff, and I’ve really learned to enjoy them. I have a bit of an old-to-new pattern as I consume media.” Tegan replied.

“I’ve never really thought of doing that,” Sara remarked, surprised. “But maybe it would be cool to watch how everything evolves and turns into this or that.” Tegan seemed to perk up upon this comment, and Sara smiled to herself. To throw this dog a bone was one of the easiest parts of interaction… Straight girls were difficult and the ones Sara generally focused on were uninterested in areas that fascinated Sara, so those conversations were somewhat of torture, despite the fact that Sara got to look at some eye candy and in rare cases, got a date out of it. Emy was more into art, so Sara could have discussions with her, but it was surprising and rather nice how easy it was to talk to Tegan, compared to many other social interactions in Sara’s life. And Sara barely even knew Tegan. It was nice to be able to talk about stuff and not just have to constantly make out as their ‘get to know you’ and only exchange words when absolutely necessary.

“The influences are amazing too,” Tegan offered. “A favorite of mine is the fact that nineteen-nineties movies sometimes reflected the plot of Jane Austen novels or other stories from old time periods. Jane Austen merely provides two examples that immediately spring to mind.”

“Yeah, especially in the case of chick-flicks, when people just diss them, claiming that they have no intelligent aspect to them, it’s kind of ridiculous, because the intelligence is below the surface. Besides, there’s no harm in fun movies depicting women’s lives. Meanwhile, when that type of movie is made about a man, it’s suddenly a brilliant comedy with top shelf acting. It’s especially ridiculous when those movies in question don’t even pass the Bechdel test because according to men, women only ever talk to each other about men.” Sara rolled her eyes.

“What do they think lesbians talk about?” Tegan wondered jokingly, smirking.

“They probably think that we talk about how much we hate them, or just don’t talk at all, and just fuck all of the time,” Sara replied automatically. She paused, “Sorry if you don’t identify as a lesbian… I shouldn’t have said that in the way I did.”

“No, it’s fine; I do,” Tegan assured her. “I mean, usually I just call myself queer because I do like it better, but I don’t mind it if a fellow sapphic person refers to me as such.” Sara smiled with relief. “And, perhaps they think we also just talk to our pets and not each other.” Tegan continued Sara’s previous point.

“Honestly, queer movies are so lacking. Actually, no; queer content in general.” Sara sighed. “There’s always the coming out narrative… I mean, it was nice at first, but then I just got tired of it. I want to see gay women portrayed in a realistic and casual way. Ones who are comfortable with their identity and who get a happy ending.”

“I just want more creative plots for sapphic people… and well… LGBTQ people in general,” Tegan sighed. “And, like you probably insinuated; ones that do not end in death. Death and suffering are such a large part of our history that it’s high time that we are provided from an escape from this horrid reality through fiction that treats us equally to straight people but also puts in effort.” Sara nodded, smiling the things Tegan was saying. She wondered what caused her to be so drawn to this woman walking next to her and holding her hand. This woman, who wasn’t her general type, but whose ideas and personality intrigued Sara to the point where she wondered what it would be like to date Tegan. But alas; she would never know. All she could have was one night, so she’d make it last. Perhaps this one encounter with Tegan would leave a lasting imprint, but perhaps not. After all, Sara couldn’t see the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to try my hand at writing smut again, so I left a little gift at the end of this chapter.... enjoy (hopefully... it's probably not very good? tho i did have a friend my age who has had sexual encounters look over it).

Tegan could hardly believe what was happening as she sat across from Sara in the ice cream parlor, eating a brownie split that made her taste buds sing. Sure, she’d met women in places like bars and clubs before, but she’d generally melted into the shadows enough so that nobody would really take much notice of her beyond glancing at her a couple of times. This meant that whenever she did go out in public with the intention of picking up someone to share a bed with for one night, she’d have to pursue people herself. Otherwise, she’d have to go back home without having found anyone to temporarily share intimacy with. Back home, she wasn’t actually isolated, but family was far different than a relationship; the latter being something she did not have. The former she seemed to have too much of at times.

Sara made the butterflies inside of Tegan flutter with excitement. She could feel her attraction spiking and a crush quickly developing. This wasn’t good, but as long as the sun was down, it didn’t matter. She would forget the world she came from and just do what her heart and body desired. For now, it was to listen to Sara discuss her thoughts on the way media treated LGBT+ people. The passion in Sara’s eyes and gesturing lit up a fire within Tegan as Sara raved about the significance of The Price Of Salt by Claire Morgan. Or at least, that’s the way Tegan thought of the book, due to the fact that the name and author had changed since Tegan had first read it. She knew all about it and its impact and significance for the lesbian community, but she wanted to hear what Sara had to say, even if it was things Tegan had already heard, which honestly wouldn’t be hard. But there was just something about someone Tegan found so attractive talking that made the words sound newer and better. Sara could have been describing a sheet of plain white paper and Tegan would have found it fascinating, especially with Sara’s voice, which drew Tegan in on its own.

Tegan was just overreacting; she knew this for a fact. But that didn’t mean her feelings weren’t legitimate. After all, it had been years since she had last ventured out to find someone to spend the night with, and she tended to all but fall in love almost every time. Besides, for most of her life, Tegan had fantasized about a woman coming up to her and sweeping her off her feet. Sara was as close to this dream as Tegan had ever gotten, so Tegan would take what she could get, despite the fact that it could never be carried out in full. However, she would make the most of this one night, the way she had to each and every night like this one that had preceded this particular time.

She pulled herself back into the moment by adjusting the fur collar on her leather jacket. She was reminded of why she chose Canada to go to in order to meet girls; early summer was rather unpleasant in her preferred clothing in the United States. She was upset by how she had been so close to choosing another place over Canada and how easily she could have missed meeting Sara. To be fair, she always had these sorts of thoughts after meeting someone she connected with due to all of the levels of probability involved. First, this person had to exist. Next, both parties had to want to go out. After that, each party had to want to go to the same place at the same time. Next, they had to see each other. And then, one of them had to want to talk to the other, etc, etc.

It was things like these that demonstrated that fate existed. Tegan knew that it did without thinking about this; she had seen it happen, but it gave her a rush when it happened to even her. It was sometimes terrifying to know that she was following her string of fate, but for Tegan, she knew that she also had a hand in forging her own path, which was nice to know.

So to meet Sara was fate; not just a mere coincidence. They were meant to meet each other and talk, and by choosing that particular club, Tegan could not have missed it. It was a bit of a relief, but there was still a wide margin of chance that she could have lost this, so she still considered herself lucky.

Conversation with Sara was exciting in a casual and nice way. It was clear that both of them needed to be able to hold a conversation before they were going to do what they planned, which was nice. Tegan liked to be able to connect with her sexual partner before they did the do and she had to leave.

“So you have a dog?” Sara asked, changing the subject, once their conversation died down a bit.

“Yeah, his name is Spot,” Tegan answered. “He’s handful… like three dogs in one.”

“What kind is he?”

“A mutt. He’s definitely got Pitbull and Doberman in him.” She explained. “I know you don’t have any pets, but what about siblings? You mentioned one, right?”

“I wish I had an older sibling, but I am the older sibling.” Sara made a face. “I have a younger brother. But like, I wish I’d had someone to tell me what was cool and lead the way and stuff like that.”

“I have two older half-siblings. They don’t lead the way at all.” Tegan warned. “They’re not exactly the type of people that are fun to grow up around. But then again, they were adults by the time I was born. I’m not very well acquainted with them because they moved away when I was a baby.”

Sara raised an eyebrow. “Your family sounds interesting,” she remarked.

Tegan nodded, smiling darkly at everything that Sara didn’t really know.“That’s accurate.” She agreed. “I love them a lot, but I need time away from them sometimes.”

“That’s very fair. I need a lot of time away from my friends—even my best friend, I need time away from—because I’m an introvert. I like them more than most people, but I just need to have quiet time and to be alone. I haven’t lived with either of my parents for a while, though so I don’t know what that would be like.” Sara shrugged.

“I’m lucky. My parents are understanding and relaxed. Once I got older, few rules remained, and they are ones that I agree with and would likely follow on my own.” Tegan explained.

“I broke rules once I entered the teenage rebellion.” Sara wrinkled her nose. “I thought I was the shit, but I honestly wasn’t. Ugh, my hair, clothes, and attitude were all completely ridiculous.”

“What does ‘the shit’ mean?” Tegan asked hesitantly.

“It essentially means cool,” Sara answered, arching an eyebrow.

Had Tegan let too much slip? There was an easy fix for that but it would ruin everything…

“I’m really bad with popular media, I think I said earlier.” She explained quickly.

“Nice accent,” Sara leaned forward, smirking. “Were you holding back before?”

Tegan’s jaw dropped along with her gut, and she nodded to save herself. Sara was making her lose her composure; a first. It was time to leave now; before Tegan revealed everything. “English isn’t my first language, but I hide my accent.” She replied quickly. “Do you want to go now? This is delicious, but I don’t want to eat too much, lest I feel too ill for other stuff…”

 Sara nodded, looking pleased with this suggestion. “Good idea.”

Tegan paid for herself, then slipped into the bathroom to refresh herself. Her composure was shaken. Sara was so attractive in so many different ways that she was making Tegan weak, but she couldn’t help herself; she wouldn’t and couldn’t resist this woman. One night had to be enough for now; Tegan would make it be enough. But she couldn’t let Sara find out the truth.

In the cab to Sara’s apartment, Tegan took deep but silent breaths to calm her excited heart as she and Sara kissed in the back of the dark car. It had started out with Tegan tentatively taking Sara’s hand, but this woman, in her confidence, had traced up Tegan’s arm with light fingers that Tegan felt all the way to her core, and rested her hand on Tegan’s shoulder for a moment. Then, despite the dark, their eyes had met, and Sara cupped Tegan’s cheek in her hand, and then kissed her. It slowly became full blown making out, but as they were still technically in public, there was no groping, but Tegan would have let Sara take her right there and then, impropriety and dignity be damned.

Her knees were weak when Sara led her into the elevator, and their lips came together again. Tegan could feel the heat growing between them, and she couldn’t help but let out a moan when Sara’s mouth found her neck.

Tegan had never before felt like her entire body was on fire the way she currently felt, and they hadn’t even reached the bedroom and no clothing had been removed. Everything Sara did was sexy; taking hold of the fur lined collar of Tegan’s leather jacket, pushing up the sleeves of her own red hoodie so that her hands weren’t covered. Sara’s dilated pupils staring into Tegan’s made her pant with need. She liked the feeling of Sara tugging her down the hallway and then pushing her into the apartment. Tegan didn’t even really get a very good look around as Sara quickly but carefully pressed her against the inside of the door to her apartment. Tegan shed her jacket, not even caring about hanging it up. It was real fur and leather, but that honestly did not matter to her in this moment. However, she was worried about not being able to get her boots off quickly or easily enough.

And then it hit her; this could only happen once. Tonight was all she had with Sara, and then it’d be over. This thought almost made Tegan cry, but she refused to let herself be that person that Sara had slept with once who’d cried during sex.

She wanted so badly to be able to get Sara’s number and go to breakfast together. In theory, Tegan could, but the line had to be drawn somewhere. If Tegan stayed for breakfast, inertia would keep her moving forward until Sara got sucked into something huge that Tegan didn’t want to have to involve her with. So Tegan would draw the line before they reached breakfast. A real meal together would make Tegan grow even more attached, so it was best that she left as soon as she could after they finished having sex. Her feelings for Sara were developing regardless, though. Perhaps the right and mature thing to do was to stop the activity and leave, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. It felt too good, and Tegan was too selfish. She wanted to have this night so she promised herself she wouldn’t come back for more. So she decided to lose herself to this one last encounter.

Despite usually being the one on top when having sex, Tegan just went with what Sara was doing, because it all felt so good, especially when Sara backed her against the bed, gently pushing her down into a sitting position. This act of dominance elicited a warm tug from deep in Tegan’s gut. She wanted her pants off right there and then, but there was so much that had to be done first, namely getting her boots off. To rectify this, Sara knelt in front of her, unlacing them with experienced hands, getting them off of Tegan in record time, and then attending to her own boots.

With that chore out of the way, Sara straddled Tegan, a knee on either side of her thighs. Their lips met in an open-mouthed kiss, as Tegan helped push Sara’s hoodie off of her shoulders and onto the floor. Feeling flustered and impatient, she tugged at the white shirt beneath it, wishing it would make a disappearing act. Sara’s hands traced down Tegan’s sides, cupping her ass, using this to urge Tegan backward. They broke the kiss, and Tegan used her hands to push herself to where Sara seemingly wanted her. She somewhat opened her legs, hinting at what she wanted.

Sara followed Tegan to the center of the bed, and lightly took her open and bent knees in her hands and spread them further in order to place herself in between them. She took Tegan by the belt loops, pulling her closer. Once they were positioned to Sara’s liking, she leaned down and kissed Tegan again. Her lips strayed down Tegan’s neck, hands slipping up Tegan’s shirt and to her chest. Tegan’s legs held onto Sara, one hand in her hair, the other under the fabric of Sara’s shirt; on her bare lower back. Their hips began to grind together, which gave Tegan the idea to pull Sara’s top up until they had to detach in order to get Sara’s shirt off. Tegan had seen the black bra through Sara’s translucent white shirt and bit her lip in desire as it was revealed that the bra in question was lacy. She hadn’t been expecting that, but she didn’t have long to gawk because Sara was insistent upon making sure they were even.

Their bra-clad chests met as Sara went in for another kiss, resuming the movement of her hips against Tegan’s crotch. She could feel the wetness down there, and it was growing cold in her panties, which wasn’t the most pleasant thing, but she would be compensated all in due time.

She was pulled back to sit up as Sara took off her own bra and cast it off of the bed. As her dark eyes met Tegan’s, she was given the idea to take off her old sports bra and did so, which revealed the secret that her breasts were a bit larger than originally advertised, but Sara did not look disappointed about this at all. Sara’s lips trailed down Tegan’s neck quickly as her hands covered Tegan’s breasts, fingers lightly pinching and tugging at her hard nipples. One of Tegan’s hands tangled in Sara’s short hair. She let out a soft gasp as Sara took a nipple into her hot, wet mouth. Her other hand traced down Sara’s back and circled to her front in order to touch Sara’s breast.

Sara pulled away to meet her eyes and Tegan drew her hands back to her sides.

“How do you want me to fuck you?” Sara asked, her voice low, eyes dark. She looked dangerously attractive, and Tegan had to hold back a pathetic plea for Sara to just take her.

“However you want,” Tegan replied.

“Nothing you’re uncomfortable with?” Sara raised an eyebrow.

“I’m used to dildos…” Tegan admitted. “So if you want to do that, I’ll enjoy it.”

“Then it’s settled.” Sara kissed Tegan’s neck before removing herself from on top of Tegan and going to her bedside drawer to pull out a bottle of lube, a strip of condoms, and a harness. Tegan sat up to observe. “Pick your dick.” Sara produced four different dildos for Tegan to choose from. She selected one a little larger than her normal choice because she knew it would feel good to be stretched around it with a woman as hot as Sara on top of her. Though Tegan had never been fucked with a strap-on by another person, despite owning many sex toys for her own pleasure, because she was used to being on top and giving pleasure first.

Sara climbed over Tegan and straddled her legs again. Her hand cupped Tegan’s most intimate place, giving it a purposeful rub, which gave brief relief to Tegan’s throbbing clit. She couldn’t help moan, which made Sara smile.

“You like that?” She asked, her voice still low and dripping with sex. Tegan nodded. “You ready for me to dive in, or do you want me to tease you more?”

“I’m ready anytime. You decide when.” Tegan replied back, enjoying the fact that Sara was taking charge.

“Mmm, I’m impatient.” Sara murmured, her nose and lips brushing against the sensitive skin of Tegan’s neck. She gave the flesh a light and brief suck as her hands unbuttoned Tegan’s jeans and slowly tugged them down her legs. Tegan lifted her hips, and soon her pants were off, leaving her in just her boxer-briefs with the wet spot at the crotch.

Suddenly Sara removed herself from Tegan’s body, and stood by the bedside table and removed her own jeans and underwear to put on the harness and then the dildo. Their eyes were locked while Sara covered it with a condom, and coated it with a layer of lube. The anticipation of getting fucked was killing Tegan. Her body was hungry for pleasure, and she couldn’t help but let out a needy moan.

Thankfully, she was rewarded with Sara hovering over her waist and removing her underwear for her. Tegan spread her legs as soon as the fabric was off of her body.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Sara teased, smirking. She settled into position and stared between Tegan’s legs. “You’re nice and wet for me. But to be safe…” Sara reached for another condom and opened it, rolling it over her index and middle finger. Once covered, her fingers brushed between Tegan’s folds, lightly stroking her sensitive clit before dipping into her pussy and slowly venturing inside. Sara pumped a few times before she seemed to decide that Tegan was ready and withdrew her hand in order to carefully guide her cock into Tegan.

“Oh my god!” Tegan moaned at the feeling of Sara’s dick going side of her. “Fuck yes!”

Sara’s mouth found one of Tegan’s nipples and sucked on it for a moment as Tegan got used to the size of the dildo.

“Fuck me, I’m ready.” Tegan urged impatiently as soon as she felt she was.

“If you say so,” Sara smirked cockily and began moving her hips. The thrusts picked up speed and force.

Tegan let loose a moan as Sara found her rhythm. It had been so long since she’d sought someone out for a one night stand, and she regretted not having done so sooner, and more frequently. This was amazing, and she let herself be overtaken by the sheer pleasure. 

Sara surprised her by rubbing her clit, which brought Tegan to her climax all too soon; she was willing to be fucked by Sara’s dick for hours without finishing. The buildup was so good that she felt the payoff throughout her entire body as she convulsed. As she came down, Sara lessened on the intensity of her thrusts until she pulled out.

Tegan sensed that she hadn’t had her own orgasm, so she helped Sara get the harness off and quickly rolled a fresh condom down her fingers and got to work returning the favor. Sara’s legs trapped her between them as she came but Tegan got to watch her face… One of the most beautiful sights the world had to offer, in her opinion.

“You’re not done, are you? Did those extra thrusts rile you up?” Sara asked, knowing the answer already.

Tegan nodded, and Sara got between her legs again and began to lick her pussy. Tegan let out a little surprised yelp as her tongue made contact with Tegan’s clit. Nobody had ever done this before, and it felt amazing, producing the best orgasm she’d ever had. As she lay there panting while Sara went into the bathroom to clean up, her intrigue grew. Tegan knew she’d regret going through with having sex with Sara down the line, but this feeling was too good to even care.

Sara swiftly fell asleep after coming back, but Tegan just lay there in the dark smiling for a while after returning from washing up. She had never felt so good before, and she told herself she could have her afterglow and then she’d leave. Her eyes rested on Sara’s slumbering face.

Tegan felt a bit vulnerable and emotional after sex… this wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, though. She’d just discovered that she rather liked being on the bottom, but her feelings mostly stemmed from the fact that she could never let herself meet Sara again. If she did, Tegan would try so hard to let other things ensue, but they were things that could not happen. First, because of Tegan’s little situation as far as life went. She wouldn’t bring a regular person into that mess; she couldn’t do that to anyone. Second, Sara had specifically stated that she wasn’t interested in a relationship, and Tegan would respect that. There was no use trying to change that, but Tegan’s feelings were rather blind to the facts of her situation and deaf to reason.

She tentatively reached out a hand to lightly trace Sara’s cheekbone and jawline. Luckily, Tegan’s likely-freezing fingers didn’t awaken Sara. Tegan let out a sigh. She needed to leave, but she didn’t want to. She’d never had so much trouble leaving before… She could do it as long as she was strong and stuck to what she knew she needed to do. But her heart kept pleading for a few more minutes… Then five more… And so on. But Tegan didn’t sleep a whole lot, so perhaps a little nap next to Sara wouldn’t be too harmful…

Letting out a contented noise, Tegan closed her eyes and snuggled into the covers of Sara’s bed. She’d leave before dawn, which wasn’t for several hours, so there was still time for her to be happy for a little while longer. Once this was over, though, she would re-assume her identity.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a reminder, Death and dying are mentioned in this fic a lot because of the setting

Tegan was awakened by the sound of birds in the morning when the sun began to kiss the horizon again as dawn approached. Sitting up reluctantly, she looked to her side to see that Sara was not in bed next to her. Perhaps she was in the bathroom. Tegan would have to be quick, then. If Sara saw her, she wouldn’t be able to resist staying longer. So Tegan hurried to put on her clothes and leave; doing so in record time. She took a look around the apartment in the cool blue light of early morning, smiling sadly. Tegan promised herself that she would take this memory with her forever; Sara and the night they had.

There were paintings on the walls. Had Sara painted them, or someone she knew? Or perhaps had they been purchased? All of them were beautiful. She wanted to see every color and brushstroke, but there wasn’t time. There were no pictures sitting out; only the paintings. Sara did have a family, but did she not get along with them? She grew emotional at the thought of Sara not having a warm and loving family.

At this point, Tegan knew it was time for her to finally leave; she was just dillydallying now. She was getting completely lost in the interaction; forgetting herself. So she straightened her jacket, making sure the fur on her collar was neat and that the laces of her boots were double knotted before leaving, carefully shutting the door behind herself as two swift steps placed her inside the hallway. Tegan stared at the shut door, lightly placing her hand flat on the door with a sigh, mourning for the love that could not be. Sara was the dream girl she hadn’t known she’d wanted, and now that she finally knew what she wanted, she couldn’t have it.

She moved stealthily through the hallway, and into the elevator. She replayed that night in her mind’s eye, licking her lips. The way Sara’s lips had tasted, the way Sara touched and fucked her… Tegan was tempted to not bathe ever again, lest she lose Sara’s scent. However, that was bordering into the ‘too much’ category, so Tegan promised herself she’d take a bath once she was settled in back home. That would be a good way to revisit the night she’d just had, flying solo when finding her pleasure…

She bit her lip, letting hers and Sara’s touches and movements replay in her head over and over. She felt her body awaken again. Perhaps she’d need to calm herself down a little bit before going home. She decided to go to Denny’s for some breakfast. Oh, how she wished she had the chance to bring Sara with her and date, the way a normal person like Sara would.

No, Tegan couldn’t do this. She had to get over Sara; this woman didn’t even want to date her. They had agreed that it was one night only. Besides, Tegan would only cause herself to mope around if she didn’t get a grip on herself and find her dignity. She was a hopeless romantic; she’d admit that. However, she did have a few months to get over Sara before she had to really do anything again. And, after all, she had no admiration for the people who she’d be seeing when she was busy… and it was a job she’d done thousands of times before... So Tegan did have room to fantasize and wish about what could never be while she did her duty.

The waiter at Denny’s was a young man who smiled at her, though all she could give him was a grimace, and she did her best to prevent their skin from touching. There were a few people in the restaurant, aside from herself. Most of them looked hungover and were digging into the greasy, heavy breakfast food. Tegan ordered herself some breakfast, staring out the window at the city of Vancouver as dawn broke and spilled over the city. She ate slowly and was able to see so many different people all living in one place. When she was little, she’d developed the habit of people-watching and inventing a sort of backstory for them in her head. She’d been able to do this for hours, until her mother had found her and urged her away from her place, and explained that she wanted Tegan to have as much of a normal childhood as possible, so she shouldn’t be staring at these people from that window.

A lot of Tegan’s childhood was spent visiting her grandmother alongside her mother. Her grandmother was not very fun to be around, but her mother liked the company when doing so because she also found Tegan’s grandmother to be insufferable at times.

Tegan wrinkled her nose, feeling rather bad that her mother was stuck visiting her grandmother at this time. This meant only her father was home. She felt bad for him too; he rarely got the change of scenery, and half the time his wife was gone. So Tegan went back and forth between her parents based on her own whims. This meant that her father could see his wife, and he could get a small change of scenery. Nothing too amazing, but occasionally a little goes a long way.

As she finished her meal and paid her bill, Tegan got up and started walking down the sidewalk. She felt a bit like a lost soul and decided it was time for her to come home. She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket to dial up her father’s right-hand man. Perhaps she shouldn’t use him as her chauffeur, but it was nice to be driven rather than transporting herself. Besides, she was used to it and encouraged to utilize this method of getting around.

“Are you ready to come home, Tegan?” He asked, for once not sounding irritated.

“Yeah, you know where I am?”

“Of course.” She hung up upon his reply and slowly strolled along, keeping an eye out for a pitch black limo.

Once it pulled up next to her, she slid into the back and popped open a bottle of nectar and taking a sip. Coffee couldn’t hold a candle to this drink.

“Did you have a nice night out, Tegan?” Thanatos called back to her through the open window between the driver’s section and the back.

“Yes… I really did.” Tegan smiled at the carpeted floor of the limo as she stretched out on the leather seat.

“Do you want me to keep tabs on someone?” He offered.

“No; that’s alright… I’m ok just fantasizing about her. I don’t want to hope for an early death.” She sighed wistfully. “And I don’t think I’m patient enough to wait for several decades. Besides, then she’ll be older, and I don’t feel like changing my look to suit a human. It has to stay a one-night thing.”

“You haven’t asked for a companion in a long time,” Thanatos observed. “Aren’t you lonely?”

“Is my father putting you up to this?” Tegan cocked an eyebrow.

“Partially yes, but I do care about your happiness. You’re a joy to have around.” At that, she snickered.

“I’ve been annoying you for so long, don’t even pretend otherwise.” Tegan gently scolded in a friendly manner. Thanatos laughed.

“You and your mother are your father’s greatest joys, so I hear about you a lot. You’re practically my niece, except I see you far more often than your uncles see you.” He commented.

“I want to say something, but we should probably enter the Underworld first…” She remarked.

“Should I do so now? I was waiting until you were ready before doing so, as we have a bit of a way to travel. I thought you’d enjoy the scenery here more.”

“No, go ahead… I want to talk freely without being struck by lightning.” Tegan rolled her eyes, thinking about her uncle. She could pretty much only get away with rolling her eyes at the thought of him without hearing thunder or being hit by a bolt of lightning for her rudeness.

Thanatos turned off of the main road and pulled onto a street. He snapped his fingers, probably opening an entrance to the Underworld. Then, the car drove downward, and she spilled her drink all over herself and slipped off the leather seat and onto the carpeted floor.

“This is what happens when you don’t wear a seatbelt,” Thanatos commented as they crossed the bridge over Oceanus, leading into the Underworld.

“I keep forgetting that.” She buckled herself in and snapped her fingers to get the nectar off of herself, leaving the rest for a spirit to take care of. She couldn’t die from a simple car crash, but her father was rather protective, and the seatbelt did keep her from falling out of her seat and provided no discomfort, so she promised herself she’d wear it when she remembered to. “How long till we get home?”

“A little while. Unless you want to call upon the Furies?”

“No, thank you, not today.” Tegan sighed. “Do you have any music?”

“Music I like or music that you like?”

“Mortal music.” At that, the radio was turned on. Tegan grinned at the sigh that escaped her driver. “It always takes some getting used to. But I like it; it’s charming,” Tegan commented.

“I know that, but I’m far older than you, and therefore, I’m rather fond of old styles. Everything is evolving so quickly…”

Tegan made a noise of agreement. She glanced out the window as she caught a glimpse of Elysium and all of the people there. She liked to visit there sometimes. It was always nice. The Aisles of the Blessed was the best place, though. Everyone was always so nice to her and bowed or curtsied to her as a sign of respect because she visited so much. There was always something amazing going on that she might like to participate in.

The Fields of Punishment had been funny to her as a child; back when watching eternal misery was no different than slapstick to her. Sometimes when she was bored, she still went over and asked people what they did. Occasionally, if they sickened her enough (which wasn’t difficult), she’d add to the torment. Her father didn’t like it when she did this; preferring that she stay away, but he never really complained. After all, none of these were good people, and the Underworld easily got boring to Tegan, so outside of the palace, the only form of entertainment was the residents.

Tegan found the Fields of Asphodel to be dull. Everyone there was just there, and they were all sad and muttered to themselves in ways Tegan couldn’t understand. But in the library of the palace, there was a telescope and the window that faced Asphodel, where she’d go in order to make up stories to herself about the people. That was before she was allowed out by herself. Often, a spirit who had been assigned as her nursemaid would try to stop her, but all spirits in the Underworld knew not to upset the princess, so she was allowed to do as she wished, as always, until her mother found out what was happening.

When it came to her studies, she had no choice because her parents ordered that she be tutored until she was fully grown. But this was often far more interesting than the rest of her surroundings. When radio, television, and internet came into existence, Tegan had been so excited and entranced by these forms of distraction that she couldn’t help but stay staring at these devices for hours. She’d been an adult for thousands of years by this time, so she had been allowed to do so. Now, she chose when she would be educated. Often, she’d ask for lessons just so that she could have something to do and learn. The more things that had been invented, the less bored Tegan was. The giant surge in media being released had finally begun to keep her occupied almost all of the time. Previously to this, she’d just been painting and singing when she ran out of books to read, and then leaving the palace when she’d gotten fed up.

Tegan’s duties as a minor goddess were only called into use in the autumn, for she was the goddess of autumn. Her mother was the goddess of springtime; her father was the god of the Underworld, so of course she would be the goddess of the time when she really didn’t want to be home in the palace due to her parents being rather passionate when they saw each other again.

The few places she was never allowed to go into within the Underworld were the five rivers (Styx, Acheron, Lethe, Phlegethon, and Cocytus) and Tartarus. The latter was a far stricter rule than the one on the rivers. She just wasn’t allowed to touch the waters. As a child, she hadn’t been allowed to go near them without supervision, but being an adult had its perks.

“Anyone I hate die while I was gone?” Tegan asked, trying to start up some conversation again.

“Unfortunately, no.” Thanatos looked at her in the rearview mirror.

“Dammit… Any chance I could slip you some drachmas?” Tegan perked up.

“You know very well that won’t work; I merely send people into the Underworld. The Fates are the ones who decide when people die—”

“And my father decides where they go if they were bad or good enough… Yes, yes; I know this by heart.” She sighed. “Why do people get more just and equal treatment in the land of the dead than in life? It’s ridiculous.”

“Mortals have strange beliefs,” Thanatos offered.

“I wish that we could be allowed to make a comeback and tell people how wrong they are about so many things.” Tegan sighed, resting her head against the window, staring out at all of the souls of the Underworld. “For example, violent homophobes are the ones who are punished in the afterlife; not gay people. In fact, a gay person is literal royalty down here.”

“Mortals like to feel above other mortals. They’re ridiculous, but there’s nothing we can do to change them anymore. We cannot interfere with them now.” Thanatos reminded her.

“I wish Pride Month were in autumn. It’s unfair that my mother is more able to patron Pride Month than her gay daughter.”

“I see you really miss that mortal girl that you spent last night with,” He observed.

“How can you tell?” She exclaimed, sitting up straight, eyes wide.

“You rather like to complain about all sorts of things when you grow attached to someone you spent a night with and have to detach from them,” Thanatos explained, sounding amused.

“It is creepy how well you know me,” Tegan joked, her shocked expression melting into a grin.

“We’ll be arriving at the palace soon, would you like to walk from here?”

“Actually, yes.” Tegan smoothed out her clothing and unbuckled her seatbelt. “See you later, Thanatos.”

“See you soon, princess Tegan.” With that, she exited the limousine that was blacker than the shadows. She turned to see it morph into a bus. She began striding along the path towards the magnificent palace constructed from materials found under the surface of the earth. The decorations were in precious stones and gems that also came from under the earth. Tegan would always consider the Underworld to be home, despite the stigma that surrounded it. People considered it to be an evil and sad place, but perhaps they just did not have the outlook that Tegan had learned growing up.

Death would happen for all mortal beings. Tegan had known this since she was a baby. Even she, a goddess, might not be immune to it. So, might as well embrace this decision. Apparently, this mentality had been rather inspiring to a young man she had met in the late nineteen thirties. She’d had a long conversation with him when traveling in New Jersey, and he turned out to create a comic strip named the Addams Family, which even had a TV show based off of it in the sixties, and later two movies. It was one of the things Tegan was most proud of in her immortal existence.

As she entered the gates of the palace through the back entrance that was only for residents, she let out a little whistle once the gate magically closed behind her.

“Cerberus?” She called out but frowned when he didn’t come bounding over to attack her with kisses. Her father must have been in a meeting or trial, and therefore Cerberus had duties to attend to. When he wasn’t working, Cerberus was very protective of Tegan, as Hades had ordered him to be. Her father loved her dearly, and so she had grown up with Cerberus guarding her cradle since infancy unless Persephone had taken her to Olympus.

Tegan made her way into her rooms, which were at the very back, as to significantly separate her from the throne room at the front. The front of the palace was for Underworld business and everything aside from the kitchens and rooms where servants (souls that had been wrongful in their lives) did what they were required to do, such as garden, do laundry, store cleaning supplies, etc.

She changed out of her modern-day clothing and into a good old-fashioned tunic but added some sweatpants underneath. Tegan rather liked the ideas of new fashion, but she did prefer a couple of old Greek styles to relax in, as skinny jeans and bras weren’t very nice loungewear. She had never been very interested in old-fashioned clothing designated for women, but her parents had been supportive of that and always offered alternatives. In the Underworld, she could be herself because no one would dare challenge her. However, other places were another story.

She closed her eyes, letting out a breath, and inhaling through her nose. She could hear the familiar sounds of the Underworld, and it was comforting. However, she was feeling a bit cold, so Tegan snapped her fingers to get a servant to kindle a fire in her fireplace, and light the brazier with some floral matter to make the room smell nice. She contemplated when she’d take a bath, not even looking to see the servant. It was probably some old sexist, racist, and homophobic person who had been in power and put harmful laws into place. Her father liked it when Karma was a bitch.

“Tegan?” Persephone came to the doorway in her long and therefore formal dress, embroidered with all sorts of images of flowers and trees, her crown with her chosen flowers on her head. She only dressed like this when she was on Olympus. Usually it was a bit more gothic in the Underworld.

“Mama?!” Tegan sat upright and leaped up from her bed, sprinting across the room, and slamming into her mother with a hug. She hadn’t seen Persephone in over a month. “What are you doing down here?! It’s almost summer!” She buried her face into her mother’s shoulder. Persephone always smelled nice.

“Tegan, sweetie, I don’t have long.” Persephone kissed the top of her daughter’s head, taking Tegan’s face into her hands, and dethatching her daughter from the hug. “Come along, your father needs to see you. You’re not in trouble, we just… It’s hard to explain.” Tegan snapped her fingers, changing herself into black modern day clothing, which she had found to be her style. Unfortunately, this included a bra, but at least the invention of the sports bra had occurred. A simple bronze crown with little gold leaves appeared around her head, like a laurel. Tegan didn’t like wearing it very much, but for formal occasions, such as this apparently was, she had to.

“Father, what happened?” Tegan asked, entering the throne room. Persephone released her hand, and the two women took their seats in their respective thrones. Cerberus took his place next to Tegan’s, but he was at the ready, in case something happened.

Hades gestured forward at the soul standing in front of them. “Care to explain, Tegan?” Tegan turned her attention to the person at hand, and her jaw and gut shot south.

“Sara?” She gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave kudos, a comment on here or on tumblr, all is appreciated and cherished. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers, I did some minor editing, it's not too noticeable. Hope you all had a good Valentine's day. (My valentine was my college acceptance letter lol)
> 
> CONTENT NOTE: There are mentions of faking a suicide and methods for this. While it makes sense in the story, if you are sensitive to such a topic and implications, i highly suggest you exercise the necessary self-care.

Contrasting the way Sara had acted that preceding night, she looked confused, angry, and lost in the throne room of the Underworld. Not that Tegan blamed her of course, but she too was confused. Why was Sara in the throne room of the Underworld? What was going on?

Tegan’s head began spinning with all of the possibilities, but there was really the only way for her to find out what happened and get the story. “What’s happening here?” Tegan continued, finally able to speak again. She cleared her throat, looking to the god of Death. “Thanatos…?” Hades nodded at the god of death for him to proceed with an explanation. Tegan noted that her father had an arched eyebrow as though he’d expected her to know what had happened, but she really had no idea.

“Hours before I came to get you, Princess Tegan, I got a notification saying that I had to escort this human, Sara Quin, into the Underworld due to banishment. When I came to retrieve her, she was confused, but got dressed and went with me, likely because I appeared as a police officer for this situation.” Thanatos reported. Tegan knew what his job was in most cases; he was the figure of the grim reaper for a lot of people, but he had never needed to appear as a police officer before. But then again, banishment had only happened once before, and that was with Tegan’s mother.

“I still don’t even know what I did.” Sara snapped. If looks could kill, and people (even gods) could die in the Underworld, the four deities in the room would be suffering in Tartarus at this point.

“Princess Tegan, I did sense your presence, but it was distorted,” Thanatos remarked, all but ignoring Sara. “Were you in the building at the time?” Tegan had disguised her presence a little bit so that none of her relatives would just waltz in for a visit when she had just slept with a human. Usually, gods could sense each other, but at this point, she hadn’t wanted to be sensed, for obvious reasons.

“Yeah…” Tegan answered, her cheeks growing pink with embarrassment, realizing that Sara had been taken to the Underworld while she had been asleep… That was why Sara hadn’t been in bed when Tegan arose… She should have realized that something was off, but she was stuck in her head at the time; getting emotional about never seeing Sara again. Tegan had been so self-absorbed… She should have sensed that Sara was missing at that odd hour… Also, Thanatos, the god she thought of as an uncle, had been in the same apartment where Tegan had just had sex; something she should have noticed. And he’d taken away the girl whom she had slept with. She bit her lip in shame as the full realization of this hit her, especially due to her stupidity in not realizing what had happened, in favor of dwelling on her own emotions.

“I did not banish this mortal to the Underworld.” She stated, trying to keep her voice steady. It was surprising that her voice didn’t waver and die off… She was utterly horrified that Sara had to find out the truth about her (especially in this way) and embarrassed that her parents now had to face the woman Tegan had slept with only hours previously.

“Well, neither did I. I have never seen this girl before,” Hades said simply. “Persephone?”

“My answer is the same as yours, Hades,” Persephone remarked, arching an eyebrow at Tegan, who felt warm with even more embarrassment. “But I believe that most of us in this room know that there is more than one way to banish someone into the Underworld.” Tegan’s mother was too perceptive at times.

“I didn’t give her any food from the Underworld.” Tegan protested; defensive. She was a grown adult, but this shit was happening. She just wanted to disappear from the situation. She hadn’t done anything wrong! Her parents and Thanatos should have been well aware of the fact that she knew better than to give a mortal food from the Underworld; after all, they had been the ones to teach her this rule.

“Are you sure?” Hades pressed. “If none of us in this room banished her, as we are the only ones who could have, then she must have eaten food from the Underworld.”

Tegan took a moment to think, started to shake her head, and then stopped, growing red and hot with humiliation as it hit her. “Oh…” She wanted to evaporate and escape this room with this realization. She’d give anything to not have to go on with this, but she had trapped herself. There was no way she could avoid the consequences of what had happened, even though she hadn’t known that there would be any.

“You can tell us, Tegan.” Persephone placed her hand on the arm of Tegan’s throne. “We won’t be angry. We just want to know how this happened.” She knew this, but it was still painfully awkward. Her parents were almost always relaxed with her, so even if she had banished Sara verbally on purpose, they would have understood. They did their best to always support her decisions and make it so she could talk to them about anything.

“I… um… She and I spent the night together.” Tegan explained, her voice no louder than a mumble, hoping they would get the picture. She squirmed in her seat in discomfort with the situation.

“And you gave her food of the Underworld?” Hades furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Tegan, please… I’m afraid I don’t understand. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Not exactly food…” She mumbled, staring at her black leather combat boots. She was seriously contemplating diving right into the river of Lethe once this was over. She didn’t care if she would lose herself, but at least she wouldn’t remember this. If she were able to just talk to mother casually and in private, they wouldn’t have to go through this, but this was technically a formal public environment. Besides, both Hades and Thanatos were present. This was absolutely not a time or place in which she would willingly discuss her sex life.

“Well, then what?” Hades pressed. “We need to know how this happened so that we can prevent it in the future.”

“Father, I really wish I didn’t have to.” Tegan pleaded, her eyes wide as she looked to her father, silently begging to be put out of her misery.

“Just tell us and it will be over with, darling.” Persephone placed her hand on Tegan’s shoulder, gently trying to coax it out.

“She um… We… had sex.” Tegan muttered.

“I still don’t understand…” Her father said, staring straight ahead and refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Tegan could hear him trying to mask the embarrassment in his voice. He didn’t like this either. Tegan didn’t even have to look at Thanatos to know that he wanted to melt into the shadows to not have to hear about Tegan’s sex life.

“Oh my god,” Sara gasped, covering her face with her hands. “Oh my god.” Obviously, she didn’t like having her sex life talked about and revealed to a bunch of strangers. But Tegan figured that Sara had it easier. She didn’t have to have this be talked about in front of her parents and uncle, whom she had lived with for thousands of years.

“Tegan, darling, please…” Persephone sighed. “Just tell us and it’ll be over with.”

“Cunnilingus!” Tegan barked finally, squeezing her eyes shut; only wanting for this to end. “Please stop asking.”

“Oh…” Both of Tegan’s parents paused. The throne room fell silent with all of the inhabitants growing incredibly uncomfortable once they realized how this had occurred.

“So, I really hate to be pushy here, but what’s going to happen with me? I want to go home, like… now.” Sara finally asked after a long awkward silence, standing stiffly; her jaw clenched. Her face was still colored red with embarrassment while Tegan hid her face, only peeking out to see what was going on.

“Not even the gods can undo this sort of banishment to the Underworld, unfortunately for you,” Persephone explained sympathetically, having gotten over her feelings on the situation first. “So, Tegan is powerless to lift your banishment, as she did not cast it upon you. Eating the food of the Underworld is not a curse that can be lifted, and it is very difficult to work around. That is why we try to never risk it happening accidentally.”

“Ok, I have a life up there, so unless I’m just dead, I need to get back to it.” Sara crossed her arms over her chest, apparently so irritated that she felt no need to give respect to literal gods. Tegan was rather impressed by Sara’s guts, though this was probably stupidity due to anger rather than courage.

“You’re not dead,” Thanatos informed her. “But on the upside, your body and soul are down here together, so you cannot die. Banishment means that your body and soul are bound to the Underworld, while death is your soul being sent here. Usually, we kill someone in the Land of the Living and just punish them once they’re dead; there has really been only one case of banishment before, and that was in the case of Queen Persephone. And she gained autonomy through her title as Queen of the Underworld.”

“So I’ve just disappeared?!” Horror struck Sara’s face. “What am I supposed to do? I have a whole life up there… People care about me…”

With that, Tegan realized that she needed to clean up the mess she’d made. There was no way out of this; this was her mistake, and now she had to deal with it.

“Would me accompanying her to the Land of the Living work?” She piped up, glancing at her parents. “That’s a loophole, right? I mean, she doesn’t have a certain time requirement… Perhaps, if the banisher escorts the banished…”

“Perhaps that will actually work.” Hades mused. “It should, as long as she spends most of the rest of the time in the Underworld… Sara Quin, was it?”

“Yes,” Sara replied icily.

“We have plenty of room in this palace for you to stay with us. You can live next to Tegan’s rooms, and you shall be an honorary member of our family. All you have to do is get out of your life, in the Land of the Living, which shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Perhaps fake your death? Jumping off a bridge often works, as they rarely find the body. We will do what we can to make this easier for you.” Hades replied, forcing a warm smile on his face.

“But I have a family and friends…” Sara protested, horrified by this suggestion. “This would crush them… They’d be mourning me for years…”

“They’d get over it eventually, if that’s any comfort to you. Mortals move on easier than you might think. It’s rather easy for them to move on from tragedies.” Persephone offered. “Either way, we could remove their memories of you once all of your affairs are in order.”

Sara looked at the ground, looking slightly ill.

Tegan felt horrible, regretting having decided to go out. She hadn’t known that someone eating her out counted as them consuming food of the Underworld; how was she supposed to have known?! This wasn’t her fault, though she was technically responsible for apparently ‘ruining’ Sara’s life. But she wasn’t sure what Sara might want… She’d be getting a luxurious life, so it couldn’t be that bad…

Sara bit her lip. She seemed to be considering her options as she stared at the ground. Tegan glanced at her parents, who looked at Sara expectantly for any requests.

When Sara looked up at them, Tegan adjusted her posture, and then Sara’s gaze fell onto her. And then her neutral face went to one of anger.

“This is your fucking fault!” Sara yelled, and Tegan was so startled that she let out a small scream, shrinking away from the shouting directed at her. “You trapped me down here, and you knew that I didn’t want a relationship. I swear: you did this on purpose just to be able to keep me forever and ruin my life because you’re so lonely.” She took one step towards Tegan, and Cerberus sprung into position a few meters in front of Tegan’s throne in a protective stance. All three of his heads growled at Sara. She gasped, staggering backward. Out of the corner of Tegan’s eyes, she had seen her parents stand up the second Sara had raised her voice, looking ready to protect their daughter. Thanatos had balled his hands into fists, looking ready to take control of the situation.

Tegan was so overwhelmed that she started crying.

“Fine, cry like a baby, then. As though you’re the one whose life was ruined by sleeping with me.” Sara snapped despite looking positively shaken, turning on her heel and storming out.

“Darling, are you alright?” Persephone rushed to Tegan and knelt in front of her daughter. Hades followed. Tegan nodded.

“I’m just sensitive. You knew that though.” She murmured. Persephone pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. Tegan leaned into her mother. It might have only been a month of separation, but it still felt like forever.

“She’s stuck in the front courtyard. There’s nowhere else she can go.” Thanatos informed them. Tegan saw that he and Cerberus stood at the entrance to the throne room, looking out into the courtyard, probably keeping an eye on Sara’s movements.

“Thank you, Thanatos. Perhaps I should speak to her.” Hades sighed, rubbing his face with his hands, sounding exhausted with this situation already.

“No, dear, I can handle this,” Persephone promised, releasing Tegan from her embrace and rolling up her sleeves. Both Hades and Tegan knew what came with this sweet-sounding voice, despite the way Persephone appeared.

“No!” Both she and her father cried out.

“Let me… This is my fault. Besides, she can’t hurt me, and Cerberus will take care of me.” Tegan suggested. “We should give her a few minutes to calm down, though.”

“If you’re sure,” Hades said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I am,” Tegan promised, nodding once. “I can deal with this.” She slowly walked out of the throne room and into the courtyard, Cerberus by her side, wondering how she was going to fix the problem that she had created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, feel free to let me know what you think XOXO


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long it has taken for me to update this fic! I promise i wish i could replace school with 8 hours a day of fic writing, but unfortunately that is not possible. However, things should calm down soon, especially since spring break is coming up. Anyway, we are now caught up with where we were before I took my stuff down (something i still don't regret) and hopefully the next update will be able to come sooner than this one did. 
> 
> The mythology i use is sourced here (the myth is told and then sources are provided):  
>  http://dusty-purple.tumblr.com/post/134339037777/soleidan-dusty-purple-vanthed-dusty-purple 
> 
> CONTENT NOTE: Sara faking her death becomes an important plot point and the way in which she does this is a faked suicide, so if you are sensitive to that at all, please exercise the self-care necessary.

Twelve hours previously to this moment, Sara’d had a normal life. She’d been planning on going out with friends. Days before, she’d gone to her little brother’s high school graduation and completed another semester of her master’s program. Her life was still beginning. But apparently eating the pussy of the Underworld's Princess meant that her life was over, and she could never leave the land of the dead without said Princess accompanying her. Everything had changed so much in so little time...

She had gotten up to go to the bathroom after falling asleep with Tegan, put on a bathrobe because she was cold, carried out her original intention, and then there was a pounding at her door with a declaration that she was to open the door immediately. Of course, she’d been startled into a panic, but did as she was told anyway. Though she hadn’t known who he was yet, Thanatos stood in a very realistic police uniform, complete with a gun, and said that she was to get dressed and come with him, leaving any possessions that weren’t necessary, such as a wallet, keys, or phone. She would have shat her pants, had she not used the bathroom a minute before this occurred. She wanted to wake Tegan up but decided that it was best that she leave her out of this. After all, it wasn’t like Tegan was anything beyond a one-night thing. If Emy had been sleeping over, Sara would have woken her up, but in this case, she just put on fresh clothes but grabbed her worn and familiar brown leather jacket as a source of comfort. Then the officer had her get into the back of his police SUV, and her heart pounded. She wasn’t sure why she was asked to leave her belongings, and she had no idea what she’d done in order to deserve being taken away like this. She stared at the moon until the officer stopped the car and blindfolded her before resuming the trip again. Sara had been absolutely terrified and she wanted to fight, but didn’t. And then she’d been dragged into walking into someplace cool, but with warmth coming from a couple of different directions. Her shoes, when they made contact with the floor, informed her that she was somewhere with a marble floor, and there was an echo with every step she took, so it sounded like a long room or hallway.

When the blindfold came off, Sara had been disoriented and didn’t understand why the officer who had taken her was in now ancient clothing. And why did it look like she was in a sort of black marble throne room? Who was the pale man in front of her on one of the thrones? Why did he look so shocked? Sara had to close her eyes and take deep breaths until she was finally told, in English, that she had to wait for two people to get there. And then a willowy woman with dark brown skin came in with Tegan trailing behind her.

Of course, Sara had been disoriented, confused, and angry. She’d thought she was just sleeping with someone who was normal and that she and Tegan would just go about their own separate lives afterward. She had no idea how long she’d been gone, and the conclusion they’d arrived at was that she was supposed to fake her death and stay in apparently the Underworld, and she barely knew who these people were. So she felt perfectly justified in yelling at Tegan and storming out.

Sara took a good look around the Underworld as she exited the throne room. It was dark and gloomy looking, with a few glowing light sources, but she shouldn’t have really expected anything different from a place that was called the Underworld. She had previously to this considered herself an atheist, but recent events apparently told her she was wrong.

When she found a pond underneath a tree, Sara sat down to catch her breath and let everything process. Hades and Persephone had been mentioned… So these were Greek gods. Ok, so that made sense. But she felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening, so she wasn’t sure what else she could pick out from that exchange aside from the fact that she was supposed to just end her old but good life and spend the rest of eternity in what was apparently the Underworld, all because she had gone down on Tegan.

She closed her eyes. Nothing could kill her down here, so there was that. Her life was over anyway, so it didn’t matter if she got attacked. Three gods and Cerberus had almost done so when they thought she was a threat to Tegan. As though a child of two deities was helpless… Especially one with Hades and Persephone as parents.

“Hey… Can I sit next to you?” Speak of the devil. Though, at least Tegan had the decency to be tentative.

“You live here; I suppose you can do pretty much anything you want,” Sara said coolly.

“I’m so sorry for everything.” Tegan murmured. “I would never have slept with you, had I known that going down on me counted as consuming food of the Underworld. But… that was my first time having someone do that.” She was blushing.

“Seriously?” Sara raised her eyebrows, which made some of her anger and confusion be put on hold for the moment. “You’re thousands of years old, and nobody?”

“Well, I’ve slept with people. I’m just usually a service top, and only recently did people get interested in returning the favor. Most people just fingered me.” Tegan stared at her boots shyly, despite the fact that they had fucked. After all, that was why they were even in this mess to begin with.

“Huh…” Sara sighed. “I can’t believe my life is over because I went down on you…” She took a deep breath and let out a short laugh to ward away tears, as though the slight humor of the situation would overpower the reality of what the gods were asking her to do. “I had dreams… I wanted to get a great job and have a wife, cats, and a nice apartment. I didn’t want kids, but I wanted to travel. I…” Sara’s voice wavered as she grew emotional. “I want to watch my best friend become an amazing artist. She’s such a great person… She deserves to be able to have galleries or become a famous animator, or  _something_. I want to see who my little brother is going to be. He just graduated high school… I always wanted to be independent, but now I’m stuck relying on you if I want to go anywhere. I barely even know what’s happening.” She let out a sigh, feeling so out of control. She felt the urge to do something to alleviate that, but she knew that was a slippery slope.

“Did they explain very much to you before I got there?” Tegan asked.

“Nope,” Sara muttered bitterly.

“Oh… Ok. I’m so sorry; they should have done that, but I guess they thought you’d done something and needed to be dealt with immediately or something like that.” Tegan took a deep breath.

Sara refused to look her in the face, grateful for the fact that there was space between them so that they didn’t have to sit close together. Sara might have done something that would have gotten her on the other gods’ bad side if that happened.

“Are you ever going to explain this shit to me?” Sara asked, still grumpy. She had to deal with this on only a few hours of sleep and no coffee whatsoever. No wonder she was in a shit mood. And despite her awareness of her behavior, she felt no need to change it.

“Ok, so do you remember basic Greek mythology?” Sara nodded. “Ok, so yeah… Zeus, lord of the sky, Poseidon, god of the sea, and Hades: god of the Underworld. So as you probably know now, Hades is my father. Persephone is my mother. Thanatos is my father’s right-hand man because he’s actually the god of death. Well… Peaceful death anyway. Um… My mom had two other children, but they’re not important to the basics. Anyway, if you eat the food of the Underworld, you get banished to the Underworld, and that brand of banishment is kind of impossible to lift. So you are the second case of this happening.” Tegan was obviously nervous. She was probably afraid of Sara biting her head off, which was honestly understandable.

“Your mother was the first case, right? She got kidnapped by Hades and was so hungry that she ate six pomegranate seeds and that’s why we have seasons.” Sara rattled off, letting out a sigh.

“Actually, that’s not the real story. My mom is actually insulted by that version.” Tegan smiled. “Back in the day, they just came up with that one in order to scare girls into submission.”

“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway,” Sara remarked dryly. “But go ahead.” Luckily for her, Tegan didn’t seem to be too offended by Sara’s mood. If Tegan had been upset by her words and behavior, Sara would have made an effort to act like she wasn’t as irritable.

“Well, Mom used to be called Kore… Some called her Cora. She’s the daughter of Demeter, as you may know. Anyway, one day my mother was alone in a field and then she heard the cries of the dead and found an entrance to the Underworld. She decided to go down there and comfort them because that’s the type of person she was. Mother liked it down there and she eventually fell in love with my father who happened to be the ruler; they met the second time she went down there, so she ate from a pomegranate; the food of the dead in order to stay. My grandmother was upset about this, and Zeus had to be the peacemaker, and so my mother agreed to visit my grandmother for six months out of the year. And because my grandmother misses my mother during that time, she doesn’t let stuff grow, and we have seasons. So that’s how my mother became the Queen of the Underworld; my father’s equal. They deal out punishments for the dead together, but Mom is far more ruthless than my father. People feared my mother so much that they refused to use her name Kore, which means ‘maiden’, and began calling her Persephone, which means ‘bringer of chaos’. My mom liked ‘Persephone’ better than her original name, so it stuck. The myth everyone hears is more accurate to you and I than it is to my parents.” Tegan explained a smile on her face the entire time. Sara ended up staring at Tegan in awe.

“So your mother  _chose_ to be ‘banished?’” Sara asked, using air quotes. Her eyes were wide.

“Yup. And like a thousand years later or something, my parents finally had me.” Tegan chirped, swinging her legs.

Sara was quiet for a moment. She decided that things would probably be easier for her if she just went along with all of it. This was too elaborate to be a prank, and this certainly couldn’t be a dream… Sara was too invested. Perhaps if she did what she was supposed to/what they wanted, she’d have the least amount of trouble. Her mind was made up, with that thought.

“Thanks for telling me the real story,” Sara murmured. “And for being so forgiving. I reacted badly, and I’m sorry for being rude. I’m an adult, I should have known better.”

“You have plenty of excuses; my family is just really protective of me.” Tegan placed a gentle hand on Sara’s shoulder. “I mean… I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation… I was never brought up to fear death. Partially because he’s like an uncle to me, but also because I know that it is inevitable. You, though… you are mortal. You had a life in your own world that you were a mere tiny part of, and to suddenly have to leave that for another world that you can barely comprehend… I believe few people would respond very well to that.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Sara stared at her shoes. “I didn’t mean anything I said, though. I want you to know that. I was just angry at you because I was angry at my situation. I’m not anymore, though. I… I’ve calmed down. I think enough to be able to start making a plan to end my life in the Land of the Living, as you apparently call it.” She wasn’t being entirely truthful, but what was the point in fighting the gods on this? They had a point as to why she had to, so she might as well not be stupid and just listen, especially since they knew what they were doing in this world that she was so unfamiliar with.

“You can either disappear or fake your death,” Tegan said, simply. Sara met her eyes. “One will allow them closure, the other will leave them wondering with dread in their guts, but hope simmering a bit. But they would be disappointed each time they got their hopes up.” Sara heaved an enormous sigh.

“I suppose pretending to kill myself would be the best option… Didn’t your father mention jumping off a bridge?” Sara commented slowly. She was trying but imagining how horrified her family would be made her heart sink. She’d make Emy cry… But this was what she had to do, according to Hades.

“We can make it appear as though you’ve jumped off a bridge. As gods, we can make it so that people see what they want to see. You’d be snatched out of the air and brought back to the Underworld if I came back here before you could touch the water, but they’d see you go under. Bodies aren’t always found after jumping off a bridge. You could leave a note too. And you don’t have to leave all of your possessions. You can bring what you want back here.” Tegan explained.

Sara took deep breaths to control her emotions. The implications of what she apparently had to do actually affected her… “I want to be able to see everyone I love for the last time if that’s alright.” She said calmly and softly.

“Oh, of course! I wouldn’t dream of making you leave them without seeing them again at least a couple of times.” Tegan smiled sympathetically. “I can blend in with other mortals, and not even be seen, so that way I’m technically accompanying you.”

“So, I get to live in this palace with you and your family?” Sara asked.

Tegan nodded. “The front is dedicated to business, the kitchen, and the laundry room. We have a courtyard in the middle, because this garden is partially for show, and partially for food. That yard is a lovely place. We have a giant library, and four sets of rooms that are interconnected. The first is my parents’, the second is mine, and the other two are the guest rooms. But one of those can be yours. Unless you want to be in one of the rooms that I don’t really use. We rarely have two guests at once, but that really only happens if one of my siblings comes here, usually my sister, at the same time as my grandmother. She doesn’t like to come down here though.”

“For now, I’d like to be in one of your rooms… Just until I feel more at home.” Sara replied slowly, still forming her plan in her head. “I’m still pretty overwhelmed."

“That’s ok,” Tegan promised, taking Sara’s hand. “We’ll help you. This isn’t ideal, but we’ll make it as easy as we can for you. It’s lovely here, I promise.”

“Thank you.” Sara murmured, staring at a spot on the ground in front of her, getting buried in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, i hope you all enjoyed. Feel free to give me your thoughts XOXO


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all have been waiting for this since November... so here it finally is: the continuation of Peachy Pomegranate. 
> 
> Content Warning: discussion of faking a death by making it look like a suicide

Tegan led Sara back into the throne room, where Tegan’s parents stood close to each other, murmuring about something or other. Thanatos was nowhere in sight; presumably resuming his duties. The words Sara had planned looped through her head, but she feared tripping over them. Tegan was easy to talk to and read, but Tegan’s parents were unfamiliar territory. She bit her lip, dreading making a fool of herself. But she needed to give an apology before they could move forward with the plan.

“Mother, Father,” Tegan strode up to them, letting Sara come to her side. She placed a hand on Sara’s back, which felt sort of reassuring.

“King Hades, Queen Persephone,” Sara bowed her head in order to display respect. “I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was angry and confused, and I took it out on Tegan and disrespected all of you in the room. You were trying to offer me kindness, but I just wanted to be mad, so I snapped at Tegan. I’m sorry. I have no excuse for doing and saying what I did, as I am an adult and should be able to control myself. It won’t happen again. It would be an honor to be able to be a part of your family.” She lifted her head again, taking a deep breath.

“We accept your apology,” Hades said, smiling. His pale skin made him look tired, especially with his black hair and beard contrasting so much. Persephone stared at Sara for a moment in an analytical way that made her worry, the words ‘bringer of chaos’ echoing in her head.

“Mom, Sara’s only human.” Tegan reminded her mother carefully.

“Hmm,” Persephone relented slightly. “Please note that I am _very_ protective of my daughter, and a single slip could cause the Underworld to become Hell for you.”

“Yes ma’am,” Sara replied quietly but firmly.

“Would you like anything?” Hades offered, clearly trying to lighten everything up. “We can have anything be made in the kitchen in a short amount of time.”

“Coffee and a bagel, please.” Sara just wanted something normal to counteract everything that had changed about her life in the past several hours. She was startled by Hades snapping his fingers. Suddenly the soul of someone who was most likely dead appeared. (Sara didn’t know the person, but she could only assume that the person was dead since they were in the Underworld and clearly not immortal, her own situation ignored.)

“Give her whatever she wants,” Hades ordered. “She is a part of this household now and will be treated as such.”

“May I please have a coffee and bagel with cream cheese? No sugar or milk in the coffee.” Sara managed, shocked at the rudeness being displayed towards this servant.

“French toast and tea for me,” Tegan said, not even sparing the soul a glance as she walked past.

“The strongest black coffee you have.” Persephone requested, displaying similar behavior. She placed a gentle hand on her daughter’s far shoulder as she caught up to Tegan. The latter looked up at her mother with a bright smile, placing a hand over her mother’s as though she worried that it would be taken away.

“Herbal tea. We will take it in the dining room.” Hades waved the servant away.

Sara was stunned, and only barely managed to make her legs work as she followed the deities into the enormous rectangular courtyard. Persephone and Tegan went up a few steps and into a room that had no fourth wall; instead, intricate marble pillars stood at regular intervals. There was a well-polished rectangular wooden table placed low to the ground with low little cushions surrounding it. Sara watched Hades and Persephone lay down at the two at the head of the table, and Tegan took the spot on the right of her parents. She gestured at the spot across from herself for Sara. After watching them for a moment, Sara got the idea of what position she was supposed to lay down in.

“This is how they did it back in our day,” Tegan explained. “Like when men would dine together.”

 Sara observed that she was supposed to lay on her left arm and use her right arm and mimicked what Tegan and Persephone were doing. When the food and drinks were brought in, Sara noticed yet again that the royal family was rather dismissive of the servants, while she was saying thank you, which confused her. What the fuck was going on?

“Why do you talk to your staff like that?” Sara finally blurted out after spending a moment staring at her bagel. She just couldn’t help but scratch this itch.

Tegan had already dug into her food. Immediately, Sara regretting speaking in that tone of voice, especially with the arched eyebrow she received from Persephone.

“A lot of the time, they were greedy people in life,” Hades explained. “Rich who did not help the poor, and who held views that were harmful to others and thought themselves above other human beings. They are people who did not do enough to land themselves in the Field of Punishment, but they weren’t neutral enough to be in the fields of Asphodel. They do not deserve our kindness; especially not that of my daughter.”

Sara took a long sip of coffee, which felt comforting and calmed her especially in how deliciously rich it was, despite the fact that it contained caffeine. They had somehow gotten it perfect… And the bagel and cream cheese were better than any she could buy at a store.

“Father,” Tegan rolled her eyes, speaking with a full mouth, and turned her attention to Sara, swallowing the food in her mouth. “He spoils me so bad that Thanatos acts as my chauffeur and bodyguard when he should be overseeing peaceful death.”

“Tegan is our greatest treasure,” Persephone said, smiling in Tegan’s direction. “Of course we’d spoil her.”

“Ok, you don’t have to gush about me to Sara.” Tegan interrupted, waving away that part of the conversation. “Anyway, Sara and I came up with a plan.”

“What is it?”

“After I see the people I love at least a couple of last times, I’m going to fake my death,” Sara answered. She didn’t truly believe that she had to do this, but she did have to play along. “Like you suggested, Lord Hades, I’m going to jump off a bridge.” Sara stared at the table as though it would give her comfort as she absentmindedly took another long sip of coffee.

“We can orchestrate the plan further once you are ready,” Hades assured her. “You should have plenty of time. However, there is something I must tell you.” Sara’s gut dropped with dread.

“Relax; it’s not about you for once,” Persephone promised, smiling with amusement, which made Sara take notice of her green eyes sparkling with humor. With this, the tiny little wildflower buds Sara noticed had been laced into her dark cloudlike hair as well as the crown of fresh flowers; she looked less like a goddess that would destroy Sara for doing something to hurt her child, and more like a regular mother. Hades seemed to be more relaxed than Sara originally thought, but she knew that first impressions never told the full story. At least they weren’t outwardly angry at her…

“Thank you, love,” Hades smiled at his wife and leaned forward to lightly kiss her. Sara looked at her bagel in order to feel like she was giving them privacy. “Anyway Sara…” She looked back up to meet his hazel eyes, which rather reminded her of a sort of gemstone, but she couldn’t place it. “The gods are rather conservative, especially compared to us in the Underworld. On Olympus they have traditions. They are a bit misogynistic, as you may find. For example, the lovely Aphrodite is often treated as though she couldn’t possibly monogamous to Hephaestus because she’s beautiful. But the important one here is that sex outside of wedlock is often overlooked when it is the men deciding to engage in the pleasures of the flesh… unless it results in children. When women do it; even if there are no children, they are often gossiped about. It must also be acknowledged that we tend to push our non-heterosexual tendencies under the rug. Tegan is the only goddess that is loud and proud of her queer sexuality aside from Artemis, but Artemis does not take romantic or sexual partners.” Sara felt less awkward hearing about this than she would have if she and Tegan hadn’t had to admit what they’d done to land them in this situation.

“Darling, you’re not getting your point across very well,” Persephone murmured. She turned back to Sara. “He should have led with the fact that you and Tegan will have to pretend to be lovers as to avoid the scandal. Technically, we have made you immortal, and we gods aren’t really supposed to do that. Hades can perhaps guilt the other gods into letting you be immortal with us, as we do have certain personal strings to pull between us after all of these years, but as it is better to appeal to the emotions than to blackmail, you and Tegan will have to convince them that you are desperately in love. That way Hades can ask that his only daughter be able to have her lover.” Sara raised an eyebrow. Hadn’t Tegan said that she had a sister?

“Whoa, you know; you could have told me about this plan too!” Tegan protested, blushing, having sat up straight in her surprise.

“Well, the two of you get to find out about it at the same time.” Persephone smiled sympathetically at Tegan. “Besides, no sense in prolonging this ordeal. I really shouldn’t be here right now, but as it is a family emergency, I was allowed a little time to be down here. Knowing my mother, my time down here is almost up.” She let out a sigh, turning to look tenderly at Tegan. “I can help you in the Land of the Living, as always.” Then she turned to look at Sara. “Sara, if you need anything at all, I will help you to the best of my ability.” Persephone pledged.

“Thank you so much… All three of you.” Sara said unsmilingly. She was still uncertain about everything, but she still needed to play along.

“This is not ideal in the least, but both you and Tegan just got caught in an unfortunate situation. But it has been two and a half thousand years since we’ve had an addition to our family… I believe it is high time we had some excitement down here.” Hades shared a humorous smile with Tegan.

Sara knew she was an outsider. This wasn’t her world. This was theirs; they had been raised in a world of deities, and Sara had recently just had to process the fact that she might not be able to be much of an atheist any longer, now that there was some proof of the Underworld and gods. Her gut whispered to her that this was real, and all of her senses picked up far too much detail for her to be merely dreaming. She felt suspicious and analytical inside, but zombie-like on the outside. Was she dead? She had forgotten. But it didn’t matter, really. She wasn’t going to die and would have to fake her own death.

She barely noticed when a servant rushed in and said that Queen Persephone was needed in the throne room. What did snap Sara out of her thoughts was Persephone loudly cussing like a sailor and putting herself back in order.

“Tegan, darling, you’re going to have to decide what to do,” Persephone called over her shoulder as she rushed out of the dining room.

“Do about what?” Sara asked, furrowing her eyebrows. “What the fuck is happening?”

“My mother-in-law is here to collect my wife again,” Hades answered with an exhausted sigh. “It’s summer, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“The thing is, my grandmother is rather judgmental of us,” Tegan explained quickly. “So I’m going to have to put on a dress. And you might want to hide if you don’t want to deal with her. I know there’s been a lot going on for you lately, so if you want to avoid this for now, I don’t blame you.”

Sara took a moment to let this process. There had been a lot going on, but she wasn’t ready to be left alone anywhere for the time being. Besides, might as well open yet another can of worms. So she shook her head before finishing off her coffee.

“No, I’d rather not run away from this. I… It _is_ a lot but I think I’ll be able to handle it. And might as well get it over with. Also, we can try out pretending to be a couple.” Sara shrugged, putting a fake smile on her face. Tegan nodded. She stood up and waved a hand over her comfortable clothing and a black ancient Greek style dress appeared on her body with a bronze lining and a silver belt in its place.  “Um… Nice dress?” Sara offered, raising an eyebrow. Tegan hadn’t mentioned disliking dresses, but she certainly didn’t look comfortable in this one. She did recognize the look in Tegan’s eyes from her own childhood when her parents asked her to put on a dress for some family function and Sara obliged because she wasn’t ready to be open about her identity and preferences.

“Get ready,” Hades muttered, standing up, and moving to place a hand on Tegan’s back in an almost protective stance. Sara sat up and turned around as the sound of an unfamiliar voice reached the dining room.

“—honestly Kore, I do have a right to see my granddaughter, especially if there is a family emergency surrounding her.” Sara winced as she heard the voice of someone she assumed to be Demeter. This voice reminded her of ‘I want to speak to a manager’. Hades and Tegan seemed to be bracing themselves, and Sara did the same, trying to make herself look as small as possible.

“Mother, please… Tegan should be able to tell you when she’s ready, which she will announce her news.” Persephone and another woman became visible as the former hurried after the latter in an attempt to slow her down. “Mother, have respect; this is my home!” Persephone burst out with exasperation, seeing that she had lost this fight. Demeter marched up to the dining room and took a good look around.

The only thing Demeter and Persephone in common with their appearances was their dark skin. Demeter was larger but shorter than her daughter. Her hair was a lighter and pulled away from her face into luxurious dreadlocks so that they didn’t fall into her face or obscure her earthy brown eyes. Her spring green dress was in a more traditional style than even Tegan’s, as were her few pieces of practical-looking gold jewelry.

“Hello, Grandmother,” Tegan smiled, but Sara could tell that it was forced out of nervousness. “How are you?”

“I haven’t seen you in so long, Tegan. Why haven’t you visited?” Demeter strode up to her granddaughter, holding her arms out for a hug, and Tegan complied.

“I’ve been spending time down here with my dad… Where my room is.” Tegan replied, pulling away from the hug after a moment.

“I’ve told you hundreds of times that all you have to do is ask and I’ll make arrangements for you.” Demeter placed her hand on Tegan’s shoulder, then turned to Hades, who placed a pleasant smile on his face.

“Demeter,” He nodded respectfully. “It has been a while.”

Tegan silently moved to stand in front of Sara so that she wasn’t in Demeter’s direct line of sight. Sara swallowed as small talk took place between this family… They all seemed so normal in this brief moment, but none of them were, and she was still processing it.

If Demeter controlled the seasons, this meant that her control over agriculture could doom humanity if she was upset for very much longer than for simply fall or winter. But then again, Persephone had control over springtime and she had a huge say in what happened in the Underworld six months out of the year; someone so terrifying that people had grown too afraid to even say her name and instead called her bringer of chaos... This was such a huge contrast to any ideas she’d formed about the goddess of springtime back in school, having instead pictured a sweet and delicate porcelain girl that had been stolen against her will.

Sara’s heart started pounding as all of this began to cycle in her head, as her thought process was moving like molasses.

 These two obviously powerful goddesses were simply being part of a family in front of her. And then there was Hades. While he wasn’t the god of death, he was the god of the Underworld… Something much larger than death itself.

For the life of her, Sara could not figure out what Tegan could possibly have control over, as the daughter of the rulers of the Underworld, one of them being a nature goddess… Her mind got stuck as she was still processing everything. In short, it was overwhelming. They had said that her entire life was going to be thrown away, too. This made her heart rate pick up and she was unable to breathe momentarily.

Unfortunately, her gasp for breath was what ultimately drew Demeter’s attention to her, though Sara wasn’t remotely ready to face what was to be thrust upon her even further.

“Who is this?” Demeter asked, looking at Tegan with an eyebrow raised. “I didn’t see her earlier, I must say… I was distracted by seeing you again after so long, Tegan.”

“Mother, like I said earlier, we had a bit of a family emergency.” Persephone took her mother’s shoulder, guiding her away from Sara as to give her and Tegan a moment to sort themselves out.

Sara was pulled to her feet by Tegan, and she was steadied by Tegan’s hands on her biceps. She looked into the goddess’s eyes, concern coloring them. Sara shook her head, taking a deep breath. Tegan released Sara’s arms and simply took her hand.

“Well, why don’t you tell me what it is?” Demeter asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“We would prefer to reveal it on the Summer Solstice conference.” Hades offered.

“I’m here now, and now that I’m going to wonder, wouldn’t it be best to tell the full truth at this point?” The beautiful but powerful goddess crossed her arms over her chest.

Tegan glanced apologetically at Sara, but she understood; they practically had no choice in this matter. “Grandmother, um… I guess this is Sara.” Tegan gestured at Sara. “She’s um…” She swallowed, hesitating.

“They’re lovers.” Persephone jumped in, making it easier for them. Sara was just thankful that she didn’t have say this. “And Sara will be joining our family.”

“This is a bit of a surprise,” Demeter cocked her eyebrow. “You’ve never a taken lover before, Tegan.”

“I have… I just haven’t introduced you to any of them.” Tegan corrected quietly. “They haven’t… They just haven’t been the… The right person.” She bit her lip.

“Why doesn’t Sara speak for herself? You’re human, right?” Demeter approached the two of them.

“Yes Ma’am, I am,” Sara answered, her voice sticking in her throat.

“How long have you two been together? Why haven’t I met you before?”

“Mother, Tegan doesn’t really like to talk about her relationships much,” Persephone interjected. “Perhaps allow them some privacy so that they can control what people know about their relationship?”

“Nonsense, we’re family.” Demeter scoffed. “Besides, I’m only asking things everyone else will want to know in a month when you formally introduce Tegan’s new lover.”

“Um… It was really an ‘at first sight’ type thing.” Sara blurted out. “I just saw her… and I felt something.” She didn’t have to clarify that that something was the desire to have sex without interest in a relationship, right? People would just assume that she meant they fell in love upon first seeing each other.

“Yeah, she started a conversation and then I just… knew.” Tegan agreed. They pretended to share an affectionate look.

“So when is the wedding?” Demeter looked to Hades at this one.

Sara almost choked. Wedding?!

“Well, Sara has already been bound to the Underworld so that she and Tegan can be together forever, so we weren’t sure that we really needed one.” Persephone cut in. Hades came to her side and gently wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist, and Sara realized that Hades was shorter than Persephone, who wasn’t even wearing heels.

“Kore, they need to be married, or else it’s improper,” Demeter protested as though it was obvious.

Sara immediately opened her mouth to say that she wasn’t getting married, but Tegan furiously shook her head, so Sara clenched her jaw shut. She’d protest later.

“Perhaps on the winter solstice? Or perhaps January?” Hades offered. “We have only just welcomed Sara into the Underworld as part of our family now. Their relationship isn’t even official to all of the gods yet, and we were going to announce it on the summer solstice. We’ll figure out a wedding later.”

“It’s settled then,” Demeter decided with a nod. “Kore, we must go back home to Olympus now, or else summer will fade for the northern hemisphere. We can begin planning the wedding there.”

Persephone sighed, nodding. “Alright, Mother. Hades, darling, will you be able to hold down the fort?” Her husband nodded, and they shared a quick hug and kiss. Persephone then hugged Tegan, placing a kiss on the top of her hair, as she was taller than Tegan by several inches.

“See you soon,” Tegan said, smiling sadly.

“I love you, Tegan.” Persephone linked arms with Demeter.

“Love you too, Mama.” Tegan let out a small sigh as Persephone and Demeter disappeared. Sara released her hand and stepped away as to give Tegan some space. Hades came over to his daughter and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“I guess you two have to get married now,” He muttered.

“Yeah, not happening.” Sara crossed her arms over her chest. “Too many boundaries have been pushed for me today. I used to be an atheist, now I apparently have to believe in the Greek gods. I used to have a life where I wanted to be successful and have a nice and large apartment with a girlfriend and cats, where we’d have jobs and watch reality TV and drink wine, now you say I have to throw my life, family, and friends away. I didn’t want anything other than a one night stand, now I have to pretend to be in a relationship with Tegan. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in marriage for myself. At least let me have this one little thing.”

“Why don’t we talk about this later, once some of the things have processed? Tegan suggested. “I mean you got a giant information dump this morning…”

“Probably a good idea. Be in my own apartment, change my clothes, shower…” Sara muttered.

“I’m sorry to remind you of this, but I have to escort you.” Tegan grimaced as she snapped her fingers to put herself back into normal modern clothing.

Sara groaned with irritation. “Please don’t take it personally; I’m just frustrated with this current situation.” She said with a sigh.

Tegan seemed like an alright person from what she had been experiencing since she approached Tegan back in the club. This wasn’t either of their fault, though Sara did inwardly raise her eyebrows at the fact that nobody else had ever gone down on Tegan in the thousands of years she’d been in existence. But the situation could honestly be worse. She wasn’t entirely sure how exactly, but she knew that it could be.

“I understand. C’mon, I’ll get Thanatos to drive us to your place.” Tegan lightly patted Sara’s shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Sara agreed, feeling an overwhelming need to get back to familiarity. Perhaps she’d see if Emy wanted to go to brunch or something or perhaps just invite Emy over and cuddle and watch Netflix while Tegan hid out someplace. She wanted something to feel normal. Sure, she wasn’t usually affectionate with Emy, but after the morning Sara had, she needed it because she figured that alcohol in the morning was usually the sign of a problem. But was this not a problem? So perhaps she didn’t need two problems at once.

“Just go into the throne room, I’ll be right behind you,” Tegan said.

 Sara was slightly surprised but retraced the path back to the throne room where the information dump had taken place. She glanced over her shoulder to see Tegan receiving what looked like reassurance from Hades, and then a hug. Sara quickly turned away so that Tegan wouldn’t see her staring and let out a sigh. If Tegan honestly thought she had it tough in this clusterfuck, then Sara wasn’t sure how she’d survive an eternity of being stuck with her. She didn’t even know if Tegan was really a very decent person deep down…

If it hadn’t been official before, it certainly was now: Sara was completely and utterly screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to let me know your thoughts or just scream haha i know five months (i think, anyway) is too much especially since at one point it seemed like i wouldn't be coming back. But here we are now, and I am happy to take you on this journey :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the support so far! 
> 
> Content note: Mentions of recreational drug use

Sara sat in the back of a limousine with Tegan as Thanatos took them back to Sara’s apartment… Apparently the Land of the Living, as the Underworld gods called it. Returning home was so different from coming to the Underworld… Sara’s life was over. There was no other way to say it, and she could no longer deny it. She wasn’t just playing along now.

It was true that a person never knows what they have until they lose it. She’d just lost all control over her life. She’d lost her life in general. Her mind had been forcibly opened to a world that she didn’t even think existed, making several of her beliefs wrong. She felt rather like an object subject to the mercy of the Fates, which were apparently real, and they were the ones basically making all of the decisions on what would happen to her, leaving her as a puppet. This mental image made her want to throw a chair at a wall. Her head felt heavy from everything, and it wouldn’t go away; she would just have to get used to all of it, but she wasn’t sure how that would possibly be able to happen.

As they’d gotten into the limousine, Tegan had explained to Sara the details on her banishment again in simple terms so that Sara could at least understand the things that applied to her. It was rather difficult to comprehend, as Sara wasn’t dead… but she wasn’t exactly alive. This lead to an explanation of how the different levels of mortality and immortality worked. The way Tegan put it was that in their world, the major gods (like Hades and Demeter) were at the top of the spectrum, and humans were at the other end. Minor gods (like Tegan) were just below the major gods. There were creatures below them such as the Furies, gorgons, and hellhounds that would come back, and then even below those were nature spirits, which would reincarnate. Tegan found a pad of paper and pen and even drew it out for Sara. Sara’s question was where she fell on this spectrum.

“Well… you can’t really die now.” Was Tegan’s answer after a pause. “So I guess you’re on a level of your own. My guess is that you can be injured and get sick, but ultimately, you’ll have to heal because you can’t really age or die. But you don’t get the perks of being a goddess. You’re just immortal.”

“Immortality for fucking a goddess…” Sara muttered. “Exactly what I had planned after a night out with my friends. Honestly… This is probably the most cliché thing anyone has ever said, but I literally never thought anything like this would ever happen to me. When I was younger I wanted something cool or special to happen to me but when I was finally in college, I realized that I needed to get my regular life figured out before I lived my life in my daydreams, and I barely have anything about my life figured out, but apparently I don’t get to.”

“It’s not that bad… you no longer need to have a job.” Tegan offered.

 “Motherfucker!” Sara burst out. “I completely forgot I have work today… Shit…” She groaned and rested her head in her hands, which were propped up by her elbows on her knees. “Oh my god, I’m in the middle of my lease too. What the hell… I can’t commute back and forth between the Underworld and my life. I just… couldn’t.” Everything was being ripped away from her. Everything.

“I can bring you the Land of the Living from the Underworld until you fake your death,” Tegan suggested. “I do have money so you can quit your job. Gods have their way of getting cash because mortal money is pretty much worthless to us.”

“No, I want to be able to support myself so that I’m not a burden.” Sara waved away the offer. “I don’t want to be even more of a burden than I already am. This situation is a clusterfuck. Besides, I should probably learn to appreciate what I have until it’s gone…”

“On the plus side, once this is over with, we can go anywhere you want.” Tegan pointed out. “Ever been to Disneyland?” Sara looked at her for a moment.

“Actually, no.” She replied after a moment, deciding to focus on something much easier to think about. “But Disney princesses were part of how I knew that I wasn’t exactly straight. So were boybands. I wanted to be the guy and get the pretty girls. I think that’s where I first figured out that I was into femmes. And sometimes straight girls.”

“Sorry I’m not your type… I know you probably won’t be able to ever find anyone you really want to be with because you need me to accompany you when you leave the Underworld… But for what it’s worth, I can technically shapeshift into a black cat.” Tegan shrugged, staring down at her boots and playing with her own fingers. “I don’t generally like to because people start petting me and I don’t like it, but I want you to be able to not have to be miserable. It’s unfair; I know that I just—”

“Tegan, it’s ok,” Sara interjected, effectively cutting off Tegan’s ramblings. “I’m not mad at you. I never truly had a dream mapped out. I wasn’t planning on finding my soulmate and marrying them anyway. You don’t have to move mountains for me. I’ll get used to it. I’m sorry for complaining, but it’s part of how I cope; getting it off my chest. Thank you for everything.”

“Do you want sympathy or to just be able to vent into the void and hear no echo?” Tegan asked.

“I don’t know… I don’t want to annoy you. If you’re in the mood to drop a ‘that’s rough, buddy’, you can, but I don’t want you to feel any sort of obligation towards me. That just makes this situation worse, you know?” Sara shrugged. She realized that Tegan’s face had lit up at her reference.

“Did you just quote Zuko?” Tegan was grinning, and her posture had completely changed, her body turned to face Sara.

“I thought you weren’t really into popular media?” Sara raised an eyebrow.

“I’m very behind, but some stuff is too big for me to miss,” Tegan explained, still grinning.

“Ok. What kind of bender would you be?” Sara asked, smiling too. She hadn’t expected Tegan to have watched Avatar: The Last Airbender, but at least they now had something to talk about.

“How about you guess mine and I guess yours?” Tegan was practically vibrating with excitement, and Sara noted that she didn’t really seem like a child of the Underworld at this moment. In fact, her family didn’t really seem to be the type one would expect to reside in the Underworld, as they were all loving and affectionate with each other, and she expected them to be cold and morbid.

“Hmm…” Sara cocked her head and stared at Tegan, who was biting her bottom lip. “I think you’re a waterbender… I just get that vibe off of you, you know?”

“You reek of being a firebender,” Tegan remarked nonchalantly.

“Are you saying I smell like smoke?” Sara raised her eyebrow jokingly and Tegan blushed slightly.

“No, of course not, I just… I mean that it’s pretty obvious that you’re a firebender.” She said quickly. “You don’t smell bad, not even close.” Her cheeks were growing a darker pink slowly but surely, but she finally stopped talking.

“Relax, I’m teasing. I’m guessing your siblings never teased you, huh?” Tegan shook her head in response to Sara’s question. “Yeah, that’s what I guessed. I mean, I picked on my brother Ted a lot. That’s just what older siblings do unless they’re a lot older and therefore apparently too mature to give you a hard time.”

“Mine were grown up by the time I arrived, so I feel like an only child a lot of the time. As you know, they don’t live with us. Um, you’ll meet them later… My sister might come by eventually, though it’s hard telling. But you’ll definitely meet my brother at the summer solstice. But tell me about your little brother.” Sara internally raised her eyebrows but left it alone.

“Ted is five years younger than me, I don’t think I said that. I was pretty introverted as a young kid, but Ted was the reason I was able to come out of my shell and be outspoken. I just got used to being that way around him. When he was a toddler, my parents got divorced, so he and I were closer to each other than we were to my parents. I was either eight or close to it when it happened, so he was probably somewhere around two and a half, so he didn’t really understand what was going on. Anyway, we’re not extremely close, but he and I are still closer to each other than anyone else in our family and we still chat a bit every day. The only person closer to me than Ted is my best friend Emy, whom you met briefly… last… night.” Sara stopped after hesitating a bit, again realizing how little time had actually gone by since she’d been going out with her friends. She let out a breath. So much had changed…

Out of the corner of her eye, Sara observed Tegan begin to move towards her, lifting her hand; likely to comfort Sara in some way, but a second later, Tegan stopped and seemingly moved so that there was as much space in between her and Sara as possible. They stayed like that for the rest of the car ride; Tegan likely wanting to give Sara as much breathing room as she needed. Sara didn’t mind. It was nice that she was trying.

As they reached the door to her apartment building, she swore violently upon realizing that her keys were upstairs after finding her pockets glaringly empty. “Thanatos told me to leave my keys… We can’t get up there. I don’t have my phone to call my landlord either… Motherfucker. We’re going to have to wait until a neighbor who recognizes me lets me into the building and then calls the landlord for me.”

“Oh, you don’t need your keys,” Tegan remarked. She placed her hand on the door which unlocked it for them and she held the door open for a flabbergasted Sara. “C’mon.” Sara slowly followed Tegan into the elevator and pressed the button for the seventh floor.

Tegan really was a goddess… She wasn’t sure how long it would take her to get used to that fact. But this was the biggest piece of proof she’d had to face. There was no denying it. Tegan was a goddess.

At her apartment door, Tegan tried to open the door before realizing that it was locked. She looked at the door handle, and then Sara heard the click of it unlocking and the two of them entered the apartment.

“You locked it?” Tegan asked after a moment.

“Yeah… So that nobody outside could get inside… I wasn’t really thinking about myself; I just didn’t want anyone to get to where you were.” Sara explained. “Also… I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but… breaking and entering is a crime and it might be awkward if you don’t exist in the world when you get arrested.”

“It’s not breaking and entering if I simply try the door.” Tegan grinned innocently. “Besides, you live here.”

“What if someone were to see you though?” Sara asked. “What then? Get Thanatos to get you out of it? I’m not trying to be accusatory or anything like that… I’m just legitimately curious as to what you do in this world in case something happens.”

“If anyone besides you saw, they would have just seen me opening a door and promptly forgotten us upon looking away. Perks of being a goddess.” Tegan shrugged. “I don’t go to the human world regularly, but this is how I stay out of trouble. In the olden days, people questioned everything less, and it’s annoying to always prove your godhood, so we like to blend in now. If we don’t, we stay away from humans.”

Sara hummed as she went down the hallway and into her bedroom and looking around. Apparently, Tegan had made the bed. She moved over to the nightstand so that she could plug her charger into her phone, knowing that it was more than likely dead, then wandered back into the kitchen to fill the coffee maker with coffee grinds and switch it on. Tegan was staring at her appliances, which Sara now understood why; Tegan hadn’t had them all her life, and they were relatively new inventions, but she no longer had to pretend that she was from this time and place.

“I’m gonna take a shower real quick, ok? If you find anything you want in the kitchen, I can make it for you when I get out.” Sara said, not trusting Tegan to be able to cook.

“Ok,”                                                                                                           

She nodded and went down the hallway to her bedroom to get fresh clothes and then went into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Once her clothes were off and the water was getting to the temperature, Sara braced herself against the sink, letting out a long heavy breath.

“Ok… I just have to get through this one step at a time. Baby steps are real steps.” She muttered to herself. “Take it slow.” She took a deep breath before getting into the shower and washing all of the things she should have been able to wash off previously but hadn’t gotten the opportunity. Sara had needed her alone time, and apparently, she wouldn’t truly get that unless she was in the Underworld. However, the problem with that was that the Underworld wasn’t home; she didn’t feel comfortable there. She knew that she would have to let it become her home eventually, but for the time being, her bedroom and the shower would do. For this reason, she was reluctant to conclude her shower, but she did so anyway, not wanting to leave her guest alone in an area full of things she likely didn’t understand.

Sara dumped her dirty clothes in the hamper as she went into the living room, where she found Tegan reading one of the books from the large bookshelf. Sara fiddled with the zipper of Rob’s red hoodie (she was wearing her friends’ clothing to bring her comfort, which meant Emy’s shirt and yoga pants, but everything else was Sara’s because she wasn’t gross) as she thought of what to say.

“I’m out of the shower, obviously.” She said after a large pause. Tegan looked up at her. “Do you want anything?”

“No. Out of curiosity, what are you planning on doing today?” Tegan replied.

“Um, I was going to ask Emy if she wanted to go someplace for food,” Sara answered, going into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. “But I also want to contact the people I want to spend time with. I just… I want to see them a couple of times before…” Sara trailed off, getting choked up. She cleared her throat and took a sip of coffee. She took a deep breath to try to calm her emotions. “I think I might want a sleepover with Emy… after work though.” Reluctantly, she went back into the living room and sat down on the couch, giving Tegan some space.

“What’re sleepovers like?” Tegan asked, tearing her focus away from the book.

“Well… Different people do different things, but me and Emy just kind of curl up on the couch together and watch movies or TV shows, talk, and eat. She and I were college roommates, so it’s really no big deal, but she’s my best friend.” Sara explained. She felt a lump in her throat and tried to drown it with coffee. “I’m… I’m gonna go check my messages on my phone.”

Sara’s contacts generally knew not to call Sara; to instead text her. There were two messages from Emy:

> _Have fun and be safe xoxo_
> 
> _Lmk if you want to do something tomorrow I’m up for anything_

Sara smiled, feeling a tug in her gut. Oh, how she was going to miss Emy. She took a deep breath and texted her offering to go to an early lunch and then a sleepover after Sara finished work.

Next, she opened up Ted’s text:

> _Hey I’m getting some pot from a friend free (funny story tell you later) do you want to smoke it with me?_

Sara sent her affirmative answer and then a suggestion that they go do something together. Her mother lived in the suburbs, but it wasn’t too far for her to take him to go see a movie or something. Once that was done, she texted her mother and father to suggest that their family have dinner together sometime.

She wanted a little more time alone, so she checked several apps, especially social media. But that only reminded her of things she’d wanted to be able to do with loved ones. Emy had mapped out a bunch of art museums she wanted to visit with Sara one day. She wouldn’t be able to congratulate Ted on graduating college. But the way it was looking, Sara would be able to do so many more things… But she wouldn’t be able to do them with the ones she had planned her trips and milestones with, so what was the point of doing them? Doing any of the things she’d wanted to do wouldn’t make her happy then.

Sara made an effort to post positive comments on as many posts as she could. Perhaps she could leave a fingerprint in her social circle for people to remember her by. Although some might have decided that they would simply fade away, Sara couldn’t do that. She didn’t want to erase herself from people’s lives. She was too selfish to do that.

Emy texted her back to say that she’d love to have lunch and later a sleepover, so there was a little back and forth until they decided to go to a cheap deli in half an hour.

“Hey Tegan,” Sara called down the hallway, going back into the living room, “I’m going to go have lunch with Emy before work. Um not to be rude, but… can you go someplace and find something to do?”

“Yes. When you’re done, just summon me using my name and title, and I’ll hear you.” Tegan promised. “I won’t go anywhere outside of the mortal world.”

“Ok,” Sara said with a sigh, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry, I just… I just don’t like people in my apartment without me being here.”

“It’s ok, I understand,” Tegan promised. “Your boundaries deserve to be respected no matter what situation you’re in. By the way… whenever you want to quit your job, go ahead. You don’t need to work anymore; I’ll support you.” She put the book away in its spot on the bookshelf and then vanished.

Sara relaxed, letting a fraction of the tension off of her body. She charged her phone some more as she got ready for work, enjoying the peace of her otherwise empty apartment. She’d tell her boss that she was quitting but stay as long as it took for them to fill her position.

She had a hard time keeping her cool when Emy arrived; she was ready to cry into her best friend’s shoulder and squeeze her.

“I missed you,” She allowed herself to say as she stood up and hugged Emy.

“Whoa, usually I’m the affectionate one,” Emy raised an eyebrow, despite her near-constant slight smile. “What’s new, pussycat? Did something happen?” The two of them sat down together before ordering.

“You know how I slept with that one girl Tegan from the bar? Well… She and I were talking last night and it turns out that she grew up pretty sheltered and without very much company.” Sure, She was half lying to her best friend, but she couldn’t tell Emy the truth; it would probably just make everything worse. “So, it makes me more aware of how lucky I am to have you, and I… I just… I love you a lot, Emy.”

“Aw, Sasa!” Emy darted out of her seat to hug Sara and kiss her cheek. She hugged back, feeling herself growing more emotional.

“Do you want me to order our food now? My treat since I invited you out.” Sara offered, trying to keep from getting choked up.

“No, I can pay for myself.” Emy dug into her pocket but Sara shook her head.

“No, let me pay… I want a way to thank you for being my best friend.” Sara’s brown eyes met Emy’s blue ones and she softened and nodded. “What do you want?”

“You pick for me,” Emy replied. Sara knew what Emy liked, so no risk was being taken here. “So how was last night?” Emy asked once Sara brought their food to their table.

“It was good. Tegan turned out to be a total bottom with me but is apparently service top with other people… Turns out I was the first one to go down on her.” She replied under the rest of the chatter in the deli as they ate their food.

“You’re kidding.” Emy gasped. Sara smirked, shaking her head. “Did she make you feel good though?”

“Yeah, we had a couple of rounds.” Sara shrugged. “I mean it wasn’t mind-blowing or anything, but it was good. She’s cute, but not my usual type. At least, though… She really does like girls and returns the favor.”

“Is she a better kisser than me?” Emy jokingly asked. The particular time she was referring to had been when they were drunk but was no source of awkwardness for them.

“You were highly intoxicated so I know you can do better, but comparing to that one time, yes,” Sara answered, grinning back at Emy. “Tell me about your night.”

“Well, when I started crying because Eva looked pretty despite being a sweaty mess, Rob took me back to my apartment. Eva went home with someone, I think. Rob stayed over at my place because Drunk Me got worried that he’d get lost or mugged on his way home and refused to let him leave.” Emy reported nonchalantly. Sara laughed softly.

“Even when you’re drunk, you’re sweet and caring.” She murmured.

“What is it with you today? You’re usually sarcastic and snarky… Did that Tegan chick make you want a girlfriend or something so you’re being sickeningly sweet with me?” Emy raised an eyebrow.

“I can stop if you want…” Sara murmured, hunching over her food. She felt like she had just been naked in the middle of the deli without realizing it and Emy had commented on some weird looking birthmark without meaning to.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Emy said softly. “I just… Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Usually, if you’re affectionate it’s never in public and it’s rarely very verbal. Did something happen to Ted? Your parents?” Sara shook her head, staring down at her food. She couldn’t very well tell Emy that she had to fake her death soon… What was she supposed to do?

“I… Why do you love me?” She asked, knowing damn well that she was pretty much cruising for a bruising.

“Because you’re the one who’s always there for me, I love talking to you, and you’re honest with me.” Sara looked up with those words and Emy’s eyes instantly met her own. “Do you want me to continue?” Sara shook her head. She’d probably lose it if Emy did go on.

“I’m… not hungry anymore.” She sighed. “We can talk tonight.” Sara tried to get up, but Emy prevented her from walking away.

“Sara… you can talk to me.” Emy whispered, pulling her into a hug. Sara clung to her as though Emy were a life preserver in the middle of a stormy ocean.

“I’m just emotional. I think I’m lonely.” She lied. “I… I should go. See you tonight.”

“Don’t hesitate to text me if you want to talk.” Emy pleaded, releasing Sara and letting her go. “I am always here for you.” Sara took a deep breath in hesitation before sitting back down across from Emy. She couldn’t pass up lunch with her best friend. She wanted to be able to remember everything about the person sitting across from her. Surprised, Emy sat back down as well.

“Did you talk to your girlfriend yet?” Sara asked.

“I broke up with her when I was drunk,” Emy confessed. “I… you made me realize that I deserved better than her… She said some stupid comment about how cute her little wifey was when drunk, and I lost it. I mean… I really am tired of it. She keeps acting like lifeguarding isn’t a real job. I was sick of it so I yelled at her and cried and told her I didn’t want her anymore. Rob stepped away from that situation.”

“Hey, now you can find someone worth your time.” Sara reached across the table and took Emy’s hand.

“Thanks to you.”

Their chatter grew increasingly lighter as they finished their lunch together, and Sara felt better. Emy’d always had that effect on her. This decent mood followed her to work as she calmly informed her boss that she wished to be dismissed from work as soon as possible, but she’d work as many shifts as needed until they found a replacement. Her last planned shift wasn’t horrible. It was a shame that she wouldn’t be able to get a job in an environment more suited towards her degree, but then again; Sara didn’t have to worry about a job anymore. Her coworkers were alright, though none of them were really friends with her. She did her best to remember things as much as possible, in case she wanted to recall it later. On her way home, she purchased a composition book so that she could write down as much as she could about her life before she had eaten her pomegranate. Sara supposed that her memory wouldn’t be as good as a god’s, so she’d keep a journal on significant events she’d want to remember and times she might want to write down her thoughts as to have a way to let it all out.

During her sleepover with Emy, Sara felt far away… She had since before work. This was definitely due to the fact that she wasn’t ready to leave the life she had, and she suspected that she never would be. She was at the point of mentally bargaining: thinking about the people and aspects of her life that she was willing to give up if only she could keep the ones she didn’t want to give up. She fell asleep clinging to Emy, a tear trickling out of the corner of her eye.

Upon waking up, she found that Emy had made breakfast, though Sara had initially panicked upon finding that Emy wasn’t asleep on the couch with her. When Emy had to leave, Sara shut the door and then rested her head against it, letting out a long sigh. She felt like there was nothing left inside of her; no tears or energy. There was loneliness in that emptiness. Perhaps it wasn’t right to call Tegan back there so that Sara no longer felt so lonely or sad, but Sara had nobody else. Besides, she and Tegan were supposed to spend an eternity together. Might as well be upfront about how she was feeling. She flipped herself over, pressing her back against her front door and sliding down so that she sat on the floor.

“Princess Tegan of the Underworld?” Sara muttered, feeling rather stupid with that title; wrinkling her nose.

“Yeah, I agree, it is kind of a dumb title.” Tegan had appeared next to her. “I hate all of my titles, to be honest. That’s why I generally avoid them with the worthy.”

“I guess we should start packing my things, huh?” Sara sighed. “If only I could get the motivation.”

“I see you’ve reached the depression stage of grief,” Tegan observed, sitting next to Sara. “That’s rough, buddy.” She accompanied that with a small nudge to Sara’s side. Somehow, this dislodged the weight of everything, making it feel not so bad and Sara found herself able to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or message me on tumblr to let me know your thoughts, i hope you enjoyed XOXO


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Totally meant to update last night, but the archive was down, and i was busy most of today, but we're here now, and i think chapter nine being posted on the 19th is p fitting :)
> 
> Content Warnings (mostly due to the supreme weirdness of greek mythology): incest relationships other than sibling, nonsexual vore, violence, rape mentions, adultery,

“Ok, what do you want me to do now?” Tegan asked, placing her hands on her hips, looking at the boxes laid out in front of them, which Tegan had put together while Sara gathered items that she wanted in the Underworld. They were starting to pack Sara’s things as to make the move faster and easier when the time came.

“I’ll label all of them with the contents that should go in each of them, and you can probably figure out how to sort them, and while you’re doing that, I’ll pack up the fragile items with newspaper,” Sara answered, uncapping a sharpie and scribbling down labels on each of the boxes. Tegan usually didn’t bother with such tasks as the one Sara was gave her, but she decided that it was best if they spent some time together in a setting where Sara was most comfortable. It would be easier for them to get acquainted.

“Your handwriting is a mess… I can barely read that.” Tegan remarked, raising an eyebrow. “I would say that it’s all Greek to me, but ancient Greek was my first of many languages.”

“Honestly, I don’t doubt that, but if my messy handwriting is too difficult for you to read, then you’re probably just being lazy,” Sara replied with a wicked grin.

“You’re right. Can I write a label on the other side though?” When Sara finished scrawling out the labels of the boxes, Tegan turned each box one hundred and eighty degrees and carefully wrote the same thing that Sara had, except neater.

“It’s unfortunate that I don’t get a higher mental capacity with this whole can’t-age-can’t-really-die thing,” Sara commented with a little sigh. Tegan smiled at her back as she began loading up one box neatly, trying to save as much space as possible. “By the way, we’re going to have to go shopping for some clothes… I can’t take my entire wardrobe with me. Also, I’m going to need to take care of said clothes, so hopefully you gods will be able to accommodate me.”

“We can get them ironed, washed, and dry cleaned for you if needed.” Tegan reminded her, grinning. Anything for Sara. Tegan rarely needed such a service though; having always been able to change her clothes with a snap of her fingers. In fact, she had the ability to change her entire appearance, but once she’d found her current physical appearance to be fitting, Tegan almost never changed it as she liked the way she looked. Her fellow deities were usually more subject to whims, though her mother and father rarely altered their appearances or clothing.

“What if I prefer to do my own cleaning and laundry?” Sara asked. Tegan cocked her head. That was a strange thing to say. Chores seemed to be something mortals despised, but Tegan wouldn’t know; they weren’t something she ever had to do; servants always took care of such things. Nobody would dare ask the princess of the Underworld to sweep a floor or gather dirty clothes.

“Oh, well you don’t have to anymore, so you don’t need to waste your time.” She shrugged, wrinkling her nose. “You’ll probably have more important and more dignified stuff you’ll actually want to do, rather than do something like _that._ ”

“Um, actually I pretty much have all the time in the world now.” Sara pointed out. “So I think I’d like to be able to do chores with it, especially since it’ll probably help keep me sane since my default location will apparently be in the Underworld for all of eternity.” There was an icy edge to Sara’s words, which was perplexing to Tegan. Had she said something wrong?

“Well, that’s good, since I’m not living in the human world. Humans are ridiculous and I just can’t deal with them all of the time. Besides, people would notice you not aging. My parents live in the Underworld. I’d much rather live in a magnificent palace where my family is than in the human world. No contest.” Tegan frowned, confused. Living with the Underworld’s royal family was a huge upgrade from Sara’s previous life. Sure, she had a family to leave behind and that could be considered devastating, but Sara could see all of them again after they died, which wouldn’t take too long. After all, humans only lived so long. And if she wanted, Tegan could make it so Sara could keep tabs on them. This wasn’t a ‘forever’ situation. All mortals would end up in the Underworld at some point. There was so much that Sara could have now; why focus on things she couldn’t?

“Whatever,” Sara muttered darkly before clearing her throat and speaking at a normal volume. “Um, can you tell me a bit more about the gods? I don’t really know enough about them yet, and I want to hear it from you first.”

“Oh, yeah, I can totally do that!” Tegan perked up, her confused frown disappearing. “How much do you know?”

“Start from the beginning so I get the real story,” Sara replied, keeping her forced smile tight.

“Ok so, before us gods, there were the Titans. The king was Kronos and his wife was Rhea… Um… They were children of Gaia and Ouranos. So, Kronos and Rhea were siblings but also married. And they had kids together but there was some prophecy that one of them would overthrow Kronos. So whenever Rhea would have a baby, Kronos would just kind of swallow it whole. They didn’t die though. They actually lived and grew up inside his stomach.” Tegan explained. Sara stopped and turned around, looking horrified.

“What the actual fuck?” She wrinkled her nose. “What other gross shit?”

“Lots of it.” Tegan smiled apologetically. “Um… lots of incest, some rape, bestiality… It’s an interesting and at the same time appalling ride. Buckle up, creampuff.”

“You watched Carmilla too?” Sara raised her eyebrow.

“People were talking about it on the internet in lesbian message board areas, so I decided to watch it.” Tegan shrugged. “You take what you can get.” Did Sara think that Tegan was completely disconnected from modern media? Sure, she wasn’t very good at keeping up with most of the stuff out there, but the really good stuff were things Tegan avidly kept up with.

“You and all of the rest of us. Ok, continue.” Sara took a deep breath. “I’ve braced myself.”

“Ok so, my grandfather ate Demeter, my dad, Poseidon, Hestia, and Hera. And then Zeus, the youngest, was hidden, and because Kronos had bad eyesight, he accepted a rock dressed up as a baby from Rhea and ate it. Zeus was raised by some maidens and when he became an adult, he battled his father to death, cut open his stomach to retrieve his siblings, and then Kronos was imprisoned. Also, by the way, Aphrodite was formed from Kronos cutting off Ouranos’s ballsack and the testicles combined with seafoam to form her.” Tegan rattled off, ticking things off of her fingers. She hoped to be able to put this history in the mildest and funniest way possible, as to allow her to be able to actually remember it and not put Sara off too much.

“What the actual fuck…” Sara repeated. Tegan grimaced in agreement but continued.

“So, Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades divided everything up. Zeus picked the sky because he was the king god, Poseidon picked the sea next, and my dad got what was left: the Underworld. So yeah, Zeus and Hera got married… yummy, more incest… Also, they had five kids. Ares, Hebe, Hephaestus, and Eileithyia. Um, I’ll draw you a family tree later and put under each name what each person is the god of, or if it’s a monster or what kind of creature.

“Zeus has an infidelity issue so Artemis and Apollo were sired. And then Hermes, with yet another woman. And then Athena came out of his head… Aphrodite and Hephaestus got married. So did my mom and my dad.” Tegan explained. She was having trouble remembering all of the intricacies, as her family was large and she hadn’t been there for any of this; having been born much later than almost all of the gods.

“Wait, that means your mother married her uncle…” Sara pointed out, making a disgusted face.

“Gods don’t have DNA or genes the way humans do, so it’s honestly not that bad.” Tegan shrugged. “You’ll get used to the idea. Anyway, I have a brother and a sister. However, both are children of Zeus and he disguised himself as my father during the warm months… My sister is Melinoe, goddess of ghosts. My brother is… complicated. He was born Zagreus, but Hera had Titans kill him. But my mother salvaged his heart and Zeus put it in a woman named Semele and he was born again as Dionysus. He’s rather distant from us…” Tegan sighed. She never liked talking about her siblings. Melinoe occasionally came around, but she preferred to give Tegan the cold shoulder, disliking the nuclear family that lived in the palace. Although Hades was perfectly willing to call her his daughter, both of Tegan’s siblings (if she could even call Dionysus her brother…) distanced themselves from the Underworld palace when Tegan was around, which was most of the time, due to the extra factor of complication that came with them.

“I’m sorry,” Sara murmured, placing a hand on Tegan’s. Their eyes met. Tegan’s heart fluttered a little.

“It’s ok… I’ve had a couple thousand years to get over it.” She shrugged. “Um… anyway, Poseidon married Amphitrite. I think that’s all you need to know for now. I’ll talk to my parents later, and they can help me make a family tree for you as needed. I didn’t really go into the minor gods very much, but the major gods are a lot to take in on their own, and I don’t want to overwhelm you with everything all at once.”

“Yeah… The stories are rather… heavy.” Sara remarked. She paused, but frowned, looking guilty. “Wait, why don’t you tell me who you are and how you came to be? I barely know anything about you except that you are the child of Persephone and Hades.” She bit her lower lip.

“Oh, yeah… I guess I should tell you that.” Tegan paused. “Well, after my mom got pregnant from Zeus twice, she wanted a child with my father. But Demeter had gone to the Fates and told them that my mother should not get pregnant again after everything she’d suffered, especially after my brother. Demeter really does mean well… But anyway, my mother got sick of trying and failing, which happened for many years. The Fields of Punishment still hold horrendous tortures for damned souls from that time of her pain and anger. But she realized the root of the problem and set off to find the Three Fates. She stormed in and raged at them; declaring that she wanted a child with her husband; sired from both of them. The Fates were terrified of her; everyone was. But they feared what Demeter might do if they did not follow her order, so they had to give my mother another child by other means in order to satisfy both of them. Eventually, my mother returned from Olympus to begin fall and she had nearly given up having another child. As she entered the palace gates, a large bud blossomed in the middle of some Baby’s Breath. My mother had never seen a bud grow so large, but eventually, it blossomed to reveal a baby… Me. The Fates had delivered her a child of her and her husband. So yeah. That’s how I came into existence.” Tegan shrugged.

“That’s not really what I was expecting,” Sara said after a moment.

Tegan bit her lip, wondering if this was a good thing or a bad thing. “I’m the goddess of autumn, by the way.” She informed Sara softly.

“I should have asked sooner,” Sara said quietly; sheepish.

“You’ve had a lot on your mind,” Tegan protested. “It’s ok, Sara. There’s a lot to process, so I should not have expected you to ask about me as a goddess; it’s ok if it didn’t cross your mind.” Tegan was fibbing. “By the way, if you want, I can tell you about how humanity came to be.” In reality, she yearned for Sara to like her and want to know her. She, at the very least, wanted them to be good friends, but she did have a slight desire for perhaps more?

“Let me guess: it’s not evolution,” Sara remarked with an eyebrow raised. “Honestly… I don’t know how what I believe anymore.”

“Wait, what?” Tegan frowned. “What do you mean, you don’t know what you believe? You know the truth.”

“Yeah, well before I knew about all of this, I considered myself to be an atheist due to the fact that I didn’t have any experiences or feelings indicating otherwise. Out of interest, I read a lot of scientific articles from reliable sources discussing the supernatural, but my beliefs remained the same. Now I know you and your family.” Sara explained. “I’ve seen you do some things that aren’t exactly normal human stuff, but nothing extraordinarily superhuman, but not much else besides seeing the Underworld is very good evidence. I need an argument with sufficient evidence to convince myself of things, and I did not previously have access to this perspective. So yeah… it’s not getting easier to adjust. I mean it has only been like a day and a half.” Sara shrugged.

Tegan pondered what Sara said. All Tegan had ever known were the things about her family/ancestors, and perhaps she’d read a little bit about other beliefs, but hadn’t explored them in-depth, never giving them serious consideration. She couldn’t even imagine suddenly being thrust into a world where what she knew to be true was apparently false. Even the concept seemed overwhelming.

“Do you still want to hear about how the origins of humans?” Tegan asked tentatively.

“Yeah, go ahead.” Sara sighed.

“Ok, so we wanted beings to worship us, so we had Prometheus, a Titan, construct humans out of clay and Athena breathed life into them. However, these humans had two heads, four arms, four legs… I think you get the idea. Epimetheus was supposed to give creatures good traits but he ran out of any before he gave them to humans and—”

“That’s reassuring,” Sara remarked sarcastically.

 A laugh tickled Tegan’s insides and she broke out into a grin.

“Shh, let me tell the story.” She paused for a moment to get the giggles out. “Anyway, they decided to make humans able to stand up, like us gods. However, these double-humans were too powerful for Zeus’s liking so he had them split in half. Essentially, each of them became one-half of a soul and spent the rest of their lives trying to find their soulmate; the other half in order to feel whole. Prometheus felt bad for humans, so he decided to steal fire from the gods and give them to humans so that they could advance at least a little bit. When Zeus found out, Prometheus was chained to a rock and every night a vulture would come and peck out his liver and every day it would regrow.”

“Sounds pleasant,” Tegan raised her eyebrow at yet another of Sara’s snarky interjections, unable to fight the amusement.

“But to punish humanity, Zeus put flaws, plagues, and basically all horrible things in a jar, but also with hope because they knew what would happen, and gave it to a woman that the gods had made, named Pandora, but told her not to open it. She was given as a bride to Epimetheus. She did open the jar but left hope inside. And yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.” Tegan shrugged. “So it’s not really your guys’ fault that you are the way you are.” She frowned upon seeing the smile drain from Sara’s face.

“Actually, I beg to differ.” Sara crossed her arms over her chest. “We have evolved and grown for centuries, and we have advanced in education and technology… We chose who we are. We make choices, we have thoughts in our head, we have a will. So humanity is responsible for fucking itself up since you gods abandoned us for the most part. Maybe at the beginning, it was your guys’ fault, but once you stopped getting involved, it was left up to us. It’s too late for you to keep taking credit for humanity’s successes and failures. We’re independent now.”

Tegan blinked, caught off guard, chills running down her spine that were almost unpleasant, but not quite. Few people ever opposed what she said, outright disagreeing with her. Most of her ideas, she had learned from other gods… No human (spirit or living) had ever dared dissent. However, it wasn’t exactly a bad feeling. Not at all. Tegan was… intrigued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to let me know your thoughts either on here or tumblr, hope you enjoyed XOXO


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: recreational drug usage

Once some of Sara’s boxes were packed, Tegan left Sara alone again, though she sent the boxes to Sara’s room in the Underworld. Sara felt like this separation from Tegan was just as beneficial to their relationship as getting to know each other. Besides, this let her process things in peace in a normal setting, and it didn’t seem so intimidatingly real. Sara wasn’t sure how her next visit to the Underworld would go, but she did know that this time, she’d be prepared and start to convert to her home. She was definitely taking Emy’s paintings with her as well as pictures of her family and friends. She’d print them out and start scrapbooking because any sort of hobby would be good if she was going to essentially live forever, and this one would ensure Sara would be able to have something to remember her loved ones by. It might make her miss them more, but Sara feared no longer remembering their faces. Sara’s grandmother had passed away when she was a preteen and she later found she could barely remember her grandmother’s face and voice. She didn’t know how she would bear it if she forgot Emy in that fashion.

Fortunately, this was the age of technology, so perhaps she could stalk Emy through social media and refresh her memory as often as needed. Besides, Sara had taken to taking little videos of her best friend on occasion… She’d view those with some regularity as to maintain her memories. Her mother had given her a photo album of her as a child alongside Ted. Sara would also write down as many memories as she could recall too. She _would_ remember her loved ones.

But still… To be ripped away from her life with absolutely no choice in the matter; the matter being _her life…_

Sara found it hard to swallow, and tears began to well up. She slipped under her covers despite being fully clothed and simply cried for a little while. Her life had been taken from her own hands.

Sara didn’t actually want to blame Tegan for everything that had happened… She hadn’t known that someone performing oral on her would get that person banished to the Underworld. Tegan wasn’t actually responsible for what happened, aside from going out looking to have a good time with someone, though Sara had done the exact same thing, which was why they even got together in the first place. Sara couldn’t blame Tegan for wanting to get laid; she couldn’t blame anyone possessing that desire. Nor could she blame any of the Underworld gods for not knowing that going down on someone counted as consuming food of the Underworld.

“And this, Sara, is why we use protection even during oral,” She muttered to herself, smirking cynically with amusement. The unfortunate truth was that neither of them had anything, so condoms were only applied to their hands, as to avoid anything on their fingers since they hadn’t felt like stopping to wash their hands.

Tegan certainly wasn’t the worst person to be stuck spending an eternity tagging along with, but she wasn’t perfect either. Well, for another person she might be perfect, but for Sara, she wasn't. Sara didn't even think that any person she knew in her life would actually be perfect to spend forever with, the more thought she put into it. She didn't really mind this fact because before this incident began, Sara didn't believe that forever even was a thing. She fully expected herself to eventually grow apart from people in her life; including Emy and Ted. Sure, they got along well at this point in her life, but that didn't mean they always would. The best she could hope for was that they would be able to grow and change and still maintain a good relationship. She hated the fact that this possibility was removed from her life, but perhaps she and Tegan could grow and change together.

Honestly, Sara _hoped_ Tegan would develop as a person. She was aware of the fact that both of them had put up a front upon meeting because, with a one night stand, a person can do such a thing and get away with it without feeling guilty. Now they both had to get to know the person under the front they had encountered. Sara wasn't really as cool and confident as she had pretended to be. She was proud of her current level of confidence, but she'd tried to appear more attractive because to walk in the shoes she aspired would one day fit made her feel great.

It seemed that Tegan had done her best to appear sweeter and more wide-eyed... The opposite of the way someone would expect a goddess to present herself. Sure, Tegan wasn't completely devoid of any of that, but in the Underworld, she seemed to have the confidence of a bad male writer. She certainly seemed to be encouraged the way many did with a male artist, what with Tegan's parents and Thanatos seemingly acting as though she was the greatest thing ever produced; almost babying her.

Of course, it wasn't that simple, and Sara understood that Tegan's entire family tree wasn't spoiling her. However, Sara knew that Tegan wouldn't be the easiest person to get along with. They came from two very different worlds with very different statuses. But Sara hoped she wouldn't forget where she came from; the things she had learned along the way. It had taken years of educating herself in order to understand levels of privilege certain groups had or didn't have systematic problems, and ways of speaking to avoid. She never wanted to lose her self-awareness... Something she feared that the gods might not have, so over time she might be the odd one out and lose it as she might try to conform. But that might only happen if Sara forgot her life before everything changed. She'd be damned if she gave herself up just so that she could fit in with a group of people she never even wanted to be a part of in the first place and hadn't even known that they existed.

Sara might lose her mind in a world where Tegan was the center of attention, which seemed to be more of the case than she had initially thought. This often happened with an only child; Tegan's older siblings not counting, as she had probably never needed to share anything in her life. However, Tegan did have the capacity to be a kind and enjoyable person to be around, so Sara was counting on that.

She figured that one way to not lose herself in the gods' world was to continue to do her own chores. The way Tegan had reacted when Sara had expressed wanting to do that was a yellow flag, if not red. Another way was to continue educating herself on subjects, now that she'd have more time. She could learn so much, even if she was still going out and having fun too. She could achieve a sort of balance and have a schedule.

Her phone buzzed with a text and she picked it up, seeing that it was Ted.

_I got the stuff, do you want me to come over? If so when?_

She smiled faintly. She didn't know when they had evolved into the ride-or-die type relationship that they now shared, having grown out of constantly annoying each other, also with her playing another mini-mother to him. When they were younger, it had been one or the other, having absolutely no in between. Sure they still sometimes irritated each other, but they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else and Sara might not trust Ted with her life, but she would trust him to commit murder with.

_Yeah, come over whenever._

Sara found some brownie mix in a cupboard (thanks to Emy probably) and got to work making some snacks for them while they were high so that they didn't completely destroy Sara's apartment. Ted texted her about an hour later saying that he was downstairs and she went down to let him in, despite being in her slippers, sweatpants, and a large T-shirt; looking thoroughly sloppy. They had shared a bathroom growing up, so to a certain point, there was no self-consciousness.

"Hey," She said, giving her brother a half smile.

"Hey," Ted replied back, caught off guard when Sara hugged him before leading him into the elevator.

"What does Mum think you're doing? Or are you with Dad?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Their parents didn't like the idea of their kids doing drugs, so Sara and Ted snuck around them.

"Mum knows that I'm hanging out with you... She loves that shit. Anyway, she thinks we're just gonna watch a movie and go eat someplace or do some other sibling sort of thing." Ted replied, seeming pleased with himself.

"Well, you are an adult now, so you're gonna do what you're gonna do." Sara shrugged. "I used to fuck people from school and she'd turn a blind eye because she knew that there was no point in telling me not to, especially since I wasn't doing it in the house... Well... As far as she knew." She smirked.

"How were you, an anxious and awkward nerdy weirdo, such a chick magnet?" Ted wrinkled his nose.

"To this day, I think it's just that I was so fucking gay that girls took an interest in that reason. I mean... I was a gross teenager so it's kind of weird." Sara answered. "Also, it's like... Most parents thought I was a good girl just because I got straight As. So they not-so-wisely trusted me. Anyway, how did you get pot for pretty much free? That's what I'm actually curious about."

"My friend Michael's mom was growing suspicious of him due to the fact that outside smelled like weed and inside smelled a bit too much like Febreeze, so he gave up his stash as to avoid getting caught," Ted explained. Sara snorted.

"That's only going to help a little, especially if she makes him take a drug test. Trust me, I was a high schooler too." Sara remarked. "He can't get high or go to parties for a while. This is why you either make brownies or go someplace else. It's hard to get the air freshener amount correct."

"Ladies and gentlemen, Straight-A Sara." Ted quipped.

"Hey, that's a better cover than opening a window and overusing Febreeze."

"Alright, Miss All-Wise All-Knowing Queen of the Drugs." Ted elbowed her slightly.

"If you weren't taller than me, I'd probably pull you into a noogie," Sara warned playfully.

"Seven inches taller, munchkin." Ted reminded her.

"I taught you how to roll and smoke a joint properly and efficiently, some fucking respect please." Sara ruffled his hair. "Man, you guys were dumb at fourteen."

"I think everyone is dumb at fourteen." Ted made a face of disgust. Sara laughed, internally doing the same exact thing. "Also in middle school. This is why we have a pact for never reminding each other about when we were preteens and early teens."

“Oh man, could you imagine if we hated each other? We have some horrifying ammunition.” Sara pointed out as they arrived at her door and she let both of them in.

“The real Mutually Assured Destruction.” Ted joked as he kicked off his shoes and flopped down on the couch in the living room. Sara went into the kitchen to retrieve the snacks.

“Nuclear weapons have nothing on sibling rivalry.” She added, putting a plate of brownies on the coffee table. “Ok, let’s try not to break any of my plates or glasses this time. I don’t have that many. Also, what do you want to watch while we’re high?”

“We are _not_ watching Blue is the Warmest Color again,” Ted warned as he pulled out the baggie of marijuana and the rolling papers.

“The sex scenes are fine if we’re high.” Sara protested, grinning. She didn’t want to watch that movie anyway; she’d actually been thinking about Gone With the Wind. “What time do you have to be home again?”

“Probably dinner time.” Ted shrugged. “It’s not even noon yet, so we’ll be fine.”

“We can watch Gone With the Wind. No awkward sex scenes, but there is a hot protagonist.” Sara pointed out.

“You stole it, didn’t you?” Ted raised an eyebrow.

“You know what a bitch Stacy is to Emy.” Sara shrugged, turning on the TV and popping the DVD into the player. “That shit doesn’t fly in my world.”

“Why were you at her place, then?” Ted raised his eyebrows.

“Emy wanted to go to a party of hers and convinced me to go along. She was carrying a bag so that we didn’t have to weigh down our pants with all of the shit that we might bring, like wallets, keys, phones… and extra shit like chapstick, a comb, a mirror… I don’t know, but I was holding it for her because she was off talking to someone, and I kind of just started taking stuff I liked and needed. Like a full tube of toothpaste, conditioner… That type of shit. It turns out she has a DVD collection.” Sara grinned with satisfaction as she sat down on the couch.

“Well, you certainly are a role model,” Ted replied sarcastically, smirking.

“It’s not really that bad of an idea if you hate someone.” Sara leaned forward and carefully rolled one joint and handed it to her brother, then rolled one for herself. He lit her end with a cigarette lighter and she took a drag. Sara closed her eyes as she exhaled the smoke and the movie began. She heard Ted lighting his own joint and inhaling next to her.

It took a little while before she began to experience her high, so she asked Ted about their parents, what they were doing and how they were acting. Ted gave answers that only partially satisfied her, so Sara decided to start recounting memories from their childhood.

“Y’know, I used to stop telling my friends that I had a little brother because they’d be like ‘aww how cute how old is he’ and they just would ‘aw’ over you and ask me about you.” Sara rolled her eyes at her elementary school friends. “That is why I befriended a few guys once I ditched them. They didn’t give a shit about you, they just wanted to play games with me.”

“You were such a tomboy. When I was really little I used to think that Sara was a boy’s name because I thought you were a boy.” Ted replied, snickering.

“I know,” Sara replied before laughing. “You called me your big brother because you heard me refer to you as my brother, so you assumed we were brothers.”

“In my defense, you actually were trying to look like Dad,” Ted replied. Sara smirked, nodding.

“I guess Mom never got the daughter she wanted… Just two boys.” Her smirk faded into a wistful smile filled with nostalgia. She was romanticizing the past. She really was, and she knew it. But that wouldn’t stop her from doing so because she sort of had a right to, or so she told herself. Perhaps she was making excuses for herself, but in that moment, a joint in her hand, her brother on the couch next to her, Gone With the Wind on the TV… Sara didn’t give a fuck. So she romanticized the shit out of everything. She purposefully neglected to think about all of the difficult or embarrassing moments that revealed her memories to be life and her to truly be human and flawed, because she could.

Sara felt something wrong in her throat and quickly passed the joint to Ted, going to the window with her inhaler. But taking a shot from it didn’t help, nor did opening the window. When a sob escaped her lips, she realized that she was simply getting emotional; not having an asthma attack. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths and trying to quiet her feelings from ruining her time with her brother. Sara brushed away her tears, hoping they would stop, and then resumed her place next to Ted.

“Y’know, I missed you a lot when you went away to college,” Her little brother informed her. These words hit her right in the gut, coaxing more tears to try to come out to play.

Sara had gotten to know her parents well enough that she could make peace with leaving them. They had raised her and loved her, and she’d be forever grateful, but Ted still had time to grow up. There were hijinks for them to engage in together and rude things to say that only they could say to each other because they were siblings. They did have cousins, but none of their cousins could ever be like a sibling. People generally preferred their cousins to their siblings, and that was precisely why Ted mattered more than their cousins. Siblings had a level of ride or die to them, even from obligation; other times they acted as though they didn’t even know each other. After all, they shared a home growing up. Nobody else would ever share that connection.

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried.” Ted continued. Sara swallowed, trying to hold herself together. “I always wanted to get your approval. I still want to earn your pride. I don’t know why I’m telling you this… I guess it’s because I’m expected to be a man now, which is kind of stupid because all I did was turn eighteen and graduate high school.” Sara put her joint down in the ceramic dish made by Emy. She pulled Ted into a hug even though she could feel his confusion. The tears escaped. “Sara…? Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” She replied, though her voice cracked. “I just… I…” Sara was going to abandon him. It was outside of her control, but they’d lose each other. “PMS.” She finally muttered before letting out a sigh. She kept her mouth shut from then on. If she didn’t, she’d tell him, and that would ruin everything, even if she would feel better. But perhaps that would make it even harder to leave, but she wasn’t yet sure if she wanted that or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to let me know what you think!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for all boom of support even tho i Know where that came from ;)

Tegan stole glances at Sara in the back of the limousine as the vehicle approached the palace in the Underworld. Sara didn’t notice, seeming to be stuck in her head. Tegan wished that she and Sara could have conversed, as Sara’s demeanor when passionately talking about something was rather addictive for her. The fire of passion had always been something Tegan had been drawn to. In her nearly two thousand five hundred years (it was still a few years off, but she was still almost there), she’d disliked goddesses who exhibited complete aloofness and apathy towards everything aside from their own area of knowledge. For example, Tegan had a few flings with a couple of other minor goddesses before, but most of them only had interest in the things they were patrons of. They had all otherwise been attractive, even if unconventionally, but Tegan just couldn’t keep things going if these women couldn’t find an interest in outside subjects. Something that piqued Tegan’s interest in Sara was her initially saying something related to lesbian pop culture. The allure was magnified by Sara talking about media. Tegan wished she could hear Sara talking about politics because she wanted to hear what Sara had to say. She wanted to know Sara better. Not just because she wanted to be able to pull off the façade of them being together, but because she simply liked _Sara_ as a person.

However, Tegan didn't need to come on strong and freak Sara out in doing so. That wouldn't be fair, especially with all of the changes that Sara was going through. Tegan would just let their friendship develop naturally and be there for Sara. She didn't know how that would go, but this was exciting for her. It was slightly unfair that they were forced together, so that part of their relationship was utterly unnatural, but Tegan knew that there was still room for something real to form, even if just a friendship due to that being the common result of an arranged marriage.

"Alright, ladies. We have arrived." Thanatos informed them, pulling up to the back entrance of the palace; the one for the residents. Tegan quickly moved to hold the door open for Sara, who slowly moved out of the car, muttering her thanks.

"Hey, Thanatos, can you open the trunk, please?" Sara asked after a moment of standing next to the back of the car. Tegan had been confused as to why she'd been glancing to Thanatos like she'd been waiting for something.

"Alright..." Thanatos furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He and Tegan exchanged a glance, both of them shrugging.

"May I have some help, please?" Sara asked. Tegan looked back to her and frowned. Sara was holding two boxes in her arms.

"Oh, Sara, you don't need to carry those, we'll just get some servants to do that for us," Tegan informed her.

"I want to carry them, though. Why don't you help me? There's several that need to be brought in." Sara replied.

Tegan's eyes widened.

"Princess Tegan does not carry boxes," Thanatos informed Sara stiffly. "It is beneath her; servant's work."

"It's not servant's work. Emy and I helped each other move on a few occasions." Sara protested. "It's just moving boxes full of my belongings from here to my room. Geez, you're a goddess; you're probably stronger than me, so you can carry more. But if you're going to make such a fuss about it, just show me where my room is, and then leave me alone and let me do this. Though help would be nice, but not servants doing it for me."

Tegan rolled her eyes. "Come on, I'll lead the way to your room."

"I'll unload them. It's not like anyone's going to steal them." Thanatos informed Sara, who sighed with irritation.

Tegan really did like Sara, but she clearly didn't understand how things worked. But Sara would learn all in due time; it wasn't her fault that she had grown up a common mortal.

Cerberus rushed over to Tegan as they set off towards the room that had been set aside for Sara.

"Cerberus!" Tegan grinned, stopping to kneel down and opening her arms to pet him as he tried to lick her face with all three of his heads.

"Ew... You're getting covered with slobber." Sara remarked. Tegan saw the frown out of the corner of her eye.

"He's such a sweetheart, though. He stays with me when he's off duty. Who can resist these faces?" Tegan grinned, petting him.

"Ok, can I get these boxes to my room? My arms are starting to hurt." Sara pleaded. Tegan sighed, standing back up.

"Ok, follow me." She began walking, Cerberus at her side.

"So his name means 'Spot', right?" Sara asked. Tegan turned her head to show a gummy grin, nodding. "Makes sense." She muttered sarcastically. Tegan rolled her eyes, and they walked in silence.

"For now, you'll be in here," Tegan informed Sara, showing her to a cozy room with carpeting, bookshelves, a desk, and a nice fireplace. It had been Tegan's personal sitting room, but she didn't necessarily need it and would make use of her bedroom and the palace library instead. This particular room had a doorway to the courtyard and the massive and luxurious bathroom in Tegan's quarters, so it had those perks for Sara. "We'll get a bed for you later. Worst case scenario, we can share one. However, whenever you feel ready to move out of this room, you can have any of the spare quarters you wish, but you can have this one for as long as you want.”

"It's nice," Sara remarked. "Especially the color scheme." Tegan had wanted a cool and relaxing set of colors for this room, so the walls were a deep emerald green, the thick and soft carpet was ocean blue, and the ceiling was a mural of a field of wildflowers. She liked all of her ceilings to look nice; the one in her bedroom was of the night sky, with nebulas and planets exaggerated to make it more interesting.

"When the time comes, you can decorate your rooms however you want," Tegan promised. "And you can change them however you wish. I just had the carpeting put in during the twentieth century. The bathroom is at your disposal. Each room is soundproofed from the others, except through the speaking tubes so that if needed, my family or servants can get my attention. But they don’t pick up noise if you don’t speak into them because privacy is a thing. Each set of quarters have been installed with a set, and you can access them from the outside.”

“Um, I’m just gonna put my boxes in the room.”

Tegan frowned. Sara didn’t seem to understand the world she had been let into.

In the good old days, when people worshipped the gods of Olympus, any mortal would have jumped at the chance to live in a palace and be a partner to the child of Hades and Persephone. However, Tegan was born rather late, and not many mortals worshipped her. That was fine, though. She never really wanted nor needed much connection to the people in the Land of the Living, although plenty of people loved autumn in the modern day, which fueled Tegan’s power because a god got stronger the more people put feelings towards their domain. For example, Aphrodite and Thanatos were both surprisingly terrifying, because people wanted love; thinking about it constantly, and people feared or wished for death. Thanatos had grown stronger with the internet culture of wishing for death to take them, but he usually didn’t need to use the power he held. Hades benefitted from the power that Thanatos gained, which also filtered into Persephone and Tegan. The Underworld gods were connected, although Tegan’s brother didn’t seem to count due to his severed connection.

“Alright, just let me know when you want your tour. I’ll be in my bedroom, which is on the other side of the bathroom. I… I chose the sitting room for your bedroom so that you could easily come find me if need be.” She replied before exiting the room, Cerberus trotting after her.

Tegan groaned into her bed as she collapsed down face first onto it. Cerberus climbed onto the bed and lay down next to her head, though Tegan was deep in thought.

She knew that she was rather self-centered; even Persephone had lovingly joked that Tegan never noticed things unless they concerned her. The most referred to occurrence had happened when Tegan wasn’t even close to a decade old. She had been brought out of the Underworld from time to time, but she was accustomed to Cerberus, and she and Persephone were walking around the Land of the Living together when a dog from the mortal world came up to them. Tegan had asked why the dog only had one head. Persephone had to point out the fact that Ares, Tegan’s cousin and a god she saw with frequency on Olympus, held the dog as a sacred animal of his. Perhaps for anyone else, they might have felt stupid or foolish, but Tegan simply reminded herself and her mother that her cousin’s sacred animal wasn’t very important to her. Besides, she’d grown up with Cerberus, so of course he’d have more influence on her view of dogs than her cousin’s symbol.

What Tegan actually said in response to people bringing this up was more along the lines of her reminding them that she had been a mere child at the time. Hades always gave people a glare that said that people aside from Persephone needed to be careful when laughing at his daughter. (Persephone was actually far more protective of Tegan than Hades; she simply had more of a sense of humor in those situations because she knew the other gods better.) Tegan appreciated this each time. She hated being made the butt of the joke.

Her mind was chugging in this direction because she simply couldn’t understand Sara, though that made her more intrigued by the woman; making Tegan want to be around her more. It seemed that after their first encounter, the charm that all gods seemed to have over all mortals had faded.

When they first met, Tegan had done her best to turn it up because she liked Sara. Usually, she didn’t do that, but Tegan wanted a woman who’d wanted her first. Perhaps not in the way that she now had Sara in her life, but she’d met worse women. Sara’s resistance to the natural hold gods always had over mortals was perplexing to Tegan. Perhaps it faded the more time one spent with someone? She’d have to ask someone… Not Hades or Thanatos, as they didn’t go out to charm mortal women. Not that Persephone did, but she was in the mortal world more often than others. But the Summer Solstice might be an opportunity to ask. She could make it out to sound romantic somehow.

Tegan reached her hand out and pet Cerberus, turning her head to face him. She began murmuring to him in almost a baby voice, but it was her special voice that she only used for him. Only family was allowed to hear her talking like this.

The room was too quiet for Tegan’s liking, so she flicked her wrist; turning on some traditional music that she remembered mortals playing back in the days when they worshipped her parents. Tegan stared out the window of her room. She couldn’t see much from her position, but she got up to go sit at the window seat. Cerberus followed, sitting with his heads resting in her lap. Tegan pet each of his heads in turn, using a pattern she had perfected. She wasn’t really paying attention to him, instead looking out at all of the souls out there… The ones who likely envied or maybe even hated her because of the way she lived compared to the way that they had lived. Even on the Isles of the Blessed, they didn’t have the luxurious conditions that Tegan did. She also had a choice in where she was at all times, which none of the souls did.

It was due to this negative sentiment towards her that Hades and Persephone had preferred to keep Tegan as far away from the souls of the dead, posting a nature spirit as Tegan’s nursemaid because they didn’t trust a  human spirit to take care of her. Her childhood was so lonely… Tegan hadn’t known any deities that were close to her own age, though Persephone assured her that she’d grown up similarly. However, Persephone had not grown up in the Underworld. She’d been able to meet human children and play with them if she’d so desired.

When Sara came in to announce that she had finished moving her boxes and that her arms needed a break, so she’d like her tour now, Tegan jumped to her feet and began showing Sara each room in the quarters they were now going to be sharing. She held her breath as she took Sara’s hand. Her heart pounded as Sara held on.

The palace was rather large, and Tegan knew for sure that Sara would inevitably get lost in it, so she didn’t show Sara the entirety of it; just the rooms that she’d be most likely have some sort of interest in. For example, the screening room (where Tegan liked to consume her visual media), the kitchen, the indoor pool with the hot tub and water slides; even a lazy river, the massive library, and the sport room (Tegan had learned archery and swordplay in there). She figured once Sara knew these rooms and where they were, she could show Sara the other rooms. Sara knew where the throne and dining rooms were, as well as the front garden and courtyard.

“It is a nice place.” Sara murmured. “It’s also much larger than I previously processed. And I know both of those are understatements.”

“I often forget how big the palace is, simply because I grew up here and only go certain places,” Tegan replied, shrugging nonchalantly. “Most of the rooms we have are there because I wanted them, and have been remodeled and updated as per my request. Well, and because my parents agreed. Anyway, when I grew up, this palace wasn’t nearly this massive and full of things to do.”

“Honestly, I’m glad I wasn’t born before I was. If I had come into existence earlier, I would have died.” Sara replied. “And on the off chance that I would have lived, I would’ve had an even worse time being gay.”

“I wish the gods were open to being queer as you mortals.” Tegan murmured. “It’s not going to be easy, you know.”

“Tegan, you know that people are still murdered for being gay, right?” Sara asked. The question turned out to be rhetorical as she strode ahead of Tegan towards the sitting room—Sara’s bedroom. Tegan couldn’t help but follow her.

“I know… It’s just… The gods don’t like to bring up the fact that people are gay.” Tegan stated in the doorway. “They just kind of sweep it under the rug. When I bring it up, people get cooler, and people shut down. Except Aphrodite because she’s pansexual and a huge advocate for all types of love, but people like to slut shame her to silence her, which is gross. I think they’d probably say something to me if it weren’t for the fact that my mom built up such a reputation for herself.”

“If you gods are so horrible, then why do you make mortals the butt of your jokes?” Sara was unpacking her belongings; putting her things on the empty bookshelves. “After all, we’ve evolved faster socially. Aren’t you gods worse than us if you can’t change over the course of thousands of years?” Tegan clenched her jaw shut. How did mortals gain this audacity to speak in such a way? Sara couldn’t be the only one… “What’d I say? Did I happen to insinuate that you gods aren’t perfect people?” Sara smirked, raising an eyebrow. Tegan had to physically brace herself against the doorway to keep her from slowly moving towards Sara, as though she’d been hooked on a fishing line.

“You’re going to anger a lot of powerful gods by talking like that, at the Summer Solstice. It’s probably best not to get in the habit, especially since my parents are the literal rulers of the place you’ve been banished to. So maybe consider stopping?” Tegan was feeling a bit flustered… Perhaps defensive.

“Make me,” Sara replied, shrugging one shoulder.

“Sara, I’m serious!” Tegan sputtered. “Gods get offended really easily…”

“Look, if you would stop acting like all mortals are below you, I’ll chill out with putting you gods into your place.” Sara didn’t even seem to care, and it was making Tegan hot.

She took a deep breath, feeling like she needed a cold shower, so she slid the leather jacket off. The fur collar certainly wasn’t helping her situation at all. Especially with the confidence in Sara’s body language. Sara had all of the makings of a goddess inside of her, somehow contained in a mortal body… Tegan quickly halted that train of thought because Sara would probably hate that description. But Tegan had never met a mortal like Sara before, so of course she’d place Sara as one of the beings in her world.

“So… Do you think you’ll be able to be happy here?” Tegan slowly asked as Sara was turned away from her, placing a painting on the shelf. There was a pause as she froze and the room stood still.

“I…” Sara stopped what she was doing, her arms falling to her sides limply, head lifting to stare straight ahead. She exhaled, her body going from full to the brim with confidence to slumping down in a slouch, as though her strength had seeped out of her.

Tegan pushed herself upright, beginning to make a move to try to comfort Sara, but she decided against it… After all, she wanted to be able to give Sara breathing room when talking about things like these and not suffocate her.

“Maybe,” Sara finally muttered. “but… I… I’m going to miss everyone I love. Once I leave the human world, I can never return to the life I had. I can never see any of them again. But—” Sara’s voice seemed to get stuck. She cleared her throat. “I love them, and I know what my life will look like without having them there. I also know what my life will consist of, here in the Underworld. But part of life is the people you hold in it. And…” Her voice grew immensely weak, and again, Sara cleared her throat. “I can’t exactly say goodbye to them in person. I have to act like myself, or else they’ll worry and then I won’t ever be able to leave.” Sara turned back to Tegan, revealing her face. Her hazel eyes were full of tears but had yet to spill over. Sara sat down on the couch that had been left in the room for her. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to hold it together. “And,” Again, Sara’s voice wavered. “Part of me wants to make it so that I get so tangled up in them that I can’t leave… I know that if I were to even hint to Emy about possibly not seeing her again, she’d be worried and hold onto me, refusing to let go. I want so badly to tell her what’s happening because she’d give me words of wisdom from her heart, which is pure gold. And my brother… He and I would curse the ridiculousness of this situation over beers or weed, and we’d make fun of each other. The hardest part is knowing that I have to just act like things are normal, even though I need to memorize every single aspect of all of the people in my life. Otherwise, I’ll lose them again. Once, as I have to leave my life. Again when I lose all traces of them in my memory… I think to lose myself in all of this is my greatest fear.”

Tegan’s gaze dropped to the floor, and both women were silent for a few minutes as they were both letting it all process.

“You know… It’s not forever.” Tegan murmured. “You will see them again if you wish…”

“What do you mean?” Sara’s voice sounded bitter and stiff.

“It’s the Underworld; you can go see them after they die,” Tegan explained, hope fluttering in her chest. “We can let you know when they get processed and go to their respective place…”

“Really?” Sara looked up, but she didn’t seem like she wanted to trust Tegan.

“Of course, you can meet any dead person you want. In fact, I’ve had lots of conversations with dead people. Perks of being the princess of the Underworld. And since you’re now my consort and fr—and stuff, I can make it happen for you.” Tegan felt herself talking quickly as butterflies decided to throw a rave complete with acid inside of her.

“Is there any possible way I could see them while they’re still alive?” Sara bit her lip as though this was too much to hope for.

“Actually, yeah,” Tegan answered after a moment, getting increasingly more excited. “I… My cousin…” She dashed off into her room and reached into a drawer to pull an item. “This was a gift!” Tegan burst out as she came back into the room. Sara furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and approached hesitantly. Tegan held out a folded up telescope. “Hephaestus likes to make all sorts of stuff, and gave this to my mother a long time ago.”

“I know about astronomy, but how can that help me see my family again after I have to leave?” Sara asked.

“Look through it.” Tegan stretched it to its full length, handing it over, and Sara began inspecting it, interest coloring her facial expression. “Tell it what you want to see, and you see it, as long as it has happened or is currently happening. I’ve watched a lot of concerts, wars, and ceremonies with these things. The problem with this model is that if you want to move around, you might run into walls and stuff, and it doesn’t involve more than two senses: visual and auditory. We can ask Hephaestus if he’s come up with a better one if you want; I’m sure it’d be no trouble at all, because he’s actually really kind… I’m pretty sure you’d like talking to him if you m—”

“Thank you, Tegan.” Sara smiled faintly, casting it onto the couch. “So much… I… I think I might be able to do it soon.”

Tegan smiled and began grinning when Sara hugged her. Of course, she hugged back, inhaling. Sara smelled good. However, something inside of her churned slightly, and she pulled away and placed her hand on Sara’s shoulder.

“Are you sure, though?” Tegan whispered. “This is really final, and you can take as much time as you need…”

“I know… But now I know that I’m not going to forget my family. I can do it… I know I can leave them.” Sara’s eyes were tearing up. “Thank you for letting me hold onto them.” Tears spilled out onto her cheeks, and Sara cupped Tegan’s cheek with a wistful smile. Tegan’s heart was beating fast, she was breathing through her parted lips. Her eyes couldn’t stop straying to Sara’s mouth… Those lips; ones that would be so easy to just kiss… No. Tegan couldn’t do that.

“You’re welcome.” She replied hoarsely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think XOXO


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the continued support, it means a lot, much love to all of you! :) 
> 
> I can't think of any warnings i should put that i haven't already in the fic? Idk sorryyyy i'm just really tired

Sara honestly couldn’t believe that she’d been able to make enough peace with the idea of faking her death to be able to schedule a date. She and Tegan needed to do a lot of preparation, but it was manageable. However, Sara actually had to live in the Underworld, which meant she needed a wardrobe and furniture. Originally, Tegan just wanted to have Sara go through magazines and point out what she wanted and Tegan would summon it for her, but Sara disagreed with that method and wanted to actually go shopping together. Not only would it allow them to do something normal together and in public, Sara could be outside and get some sunshine.

With that thought, she made a note to get a sun lamp because she was pretty sure being underground most of the time wouldn’t be very good for her serotonin levels, and she would feel like a burden if she constantly asked Tegan to take her to the surface. Sara would also have to eat a diet rich in vitamin D, which wouldn’t be too hard if she planned out her meals. She’d be able to eat a better diet in the Underworld, and if she was stuck living forever, never aging, dying, or getting seriously sick (that was how Tegan had explained it), she might as well do it safely, as she wasn’t a goddess. Tegan promised that she would have Sara regularly see either Apollo or his son Asclepius in order to keep an eye on her health, especially as they were still figuring out the finer details of Sara’s form of immortality. Tegan was trying so hard, which Sara was willing to commend, but not to her face, as Tegan’s ego might get inflated, which she certainly did not need.

“You said you wanted to go shopping before sleeping here for the first time, right?” Tegan asked, entering Sara’s new room.

“Yes, that is my plan,” Sara confirmed, nodding. She was absentmindedly moving back and forth in a wooden rocking chair (the only chair in the room—the rest of the furniture was supposed to be picked out by her) as she sat deep in thought, letting everything process. Things were moving so quickly that she regularly needed to be alone for some quiet time.

“When would you like to go?” Tegan leaned against the doorframe. “I can go anytime.”

“Actually… Can we do it in a few minutes? I need to fix my appearance.” Sara slowly stood up.

“Yeah, just tell me when.” Tegan smiled gently and righted herself before exiting the room.

Sara let out a breath, nodding. She paused for a few seconds before heading into the bathroom to fix her appearance; smooth out her shirt, comb her hair, and try not to look so tired and sad. She practiced her facial expression in an effort to look pleasant; like she actually did want to be out shopping with Tegan. She wasn’t yet sure what actually spending time with her fake partner would be like with all of the secrets out, so this would be a taste.

“Ok, I’m ready to go,” Sara announced, poking her head into Tegan’s room. She was sitting on her window seat with a pair of wireless headphones on and had been apparently playing a game on a tablet with Cerberus resting his heads on her lap. Sara wondered if Cerberus was actually needed by Hades, or if he was just employed while Tegan was gone.

“Ok!” Tegan pulled off her headphones and set the tablet aside.

 Cerberus got up and jumped down in order to investigate Sara as Tegan snapped her fingers, causing a leather jacket and boots to adorn her body. Sara raised an eyebrow as the three canine heads sniffed at her. She too was wearing leather, though brown. She wasn’t planning on changing, but they might look weird together.

“Ready to go? I’m going to bring you up to the Land of the Living myself.” Tegan said. “Thanatos is busy right now, and my father doesn’t like the Furies or Keres to escort me places. I mean, Thanatos doesn’t see any problems with any of them, but… I think you should probably wait until you absolutely have to have to meet them, so yeah… Um, I don’t know how this mode of transportation is going to affect you.” She bit her lip.

“Um… Yeah, I don’t… I’m not a fan of this idea.” Sara shook her head. “I…. How does it even work?”

“I don’t know, I just think of where I want to go, I will myself there, and then I get there.” Tegan shrugged. “My consciousness just moves to where I want it to go. Well, the most concentrated part of it, anyway. Other parts control the seasonal change to autumn. Uh… That’s not important though. The point is it’s no big deal.”

“I don’t like how nonchalant you are about this.” Sara crossed her arms over her chest. This was partially in a defensive move, but it was also supposed to communicate stubbornness. She was still new to everything, and this was a larger leap of faith than she was willing to take.

“Sara, I’ve been doing it for hundreds upon hundreds of years; of course it’s no big deal to me.” Tegan pointed out. “It’s very simple. My parents brought me along like this when I was young until I could do it myself. Of course, you will probably never be able to but… Anyway, I’m rambling. Sara, it’s really not that bad. Please, trust me?”

“Tegan, I just don’t think you’re getting it,” Sara replied, heavily ticked off. However, she did her best to remain as patient as possible. “This is new for me and actually pretty terrifying. You need to remember that this difficult because I have no idea what’s really going on. I didn’t even believe in all this before I got banished.”

“Oh… well… What can I do to make it easier?” Tegan frowned, looking at Sara anxiously.

“What does it feel like?” Sara inquired, and then swallowed.

“Have you watched Star Trek?” Tegan asked after a moment of pondering.

“Yeah…” Sara answered slowly. She figured she could see where this was going but she still wanted to be walked through it. The idea of Tegan moving both of their consciousnesses and apparently Sara’s body as well was scary, and Sara figured that it was a perfectly reasonable way to feel. It wasn’t like flying in an airplane, which included scientific reasons as to how it worked and why it was safe, there were safety procedures, and it had gone well more often than not. Sara couldn’t just run headfirst into Tegan’s mode of transportation.

“So… I think it’s kind of like beaming, but I do it with my mind, and I have to concentrate. I’d be doing all of the work, so all you’d have to do is stand still. I’ve brought Cerberus places, and inanimate objects, and it was fine.” Tegan explained.

“Ok, but I’m not inanimate, and Cerberus is immortal.” Sara pointed out, shifting her weight nervously. “Tegan… I really don’t want to do this. I’m uncomfortable with the idea.”

“Sara, this is necessary for life with gods. I can’t leave you behind in places just because you’re not used to this method of transportation.” Tegan pleaded. “Please give it a chance? We need it to get to Olympus. I don’t know when else I might need to use it; maybe to get you out of a situation, but it’s quick and it’s useful.” Tegan did actually seem genuinely concerned about this problem, so Sara would give her that, though she didn’t like the idea of budging on this one thing.

However, it was looking like Sara would have to give a lot more up for this unwanted arrangement than Tegan ever would, willingness be damned. She seemed to have fewer and fewer choices about things she’d taken for granted… She couldn’t go on like this; she had to say something. Sara knew that if she didn’t say anything about her frustration with her lack of choices, she’d explode.

“Tegan… Everything feels out of my control right now.” Sara blurted out. “I have to leave the life I had, I have to live in the Underworld, I have to marry you… I just… Can I please just hold onto my choice in this one thing?!” She balled her hands into fists, letting her frustration fuel her words. Her heart was beating rapidly, and she felt the thudding in her chest rattling her entire body.

With that, Sara silenced a goddess. Tegan blinked, her mouth fallen open.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt like that.” She said softly. “Please, Sara… I never meant to push you to do something you weren’t comfortable doing. I was just trying to introduce this to you as soon as possible before I forgot and just kind of used it. I swear I never meant to make you feel pressured.”

Sara exhaled, nodding. “I know… I… I just… It’s hard. I… I don’t know when it’ll get easier. I’m not angry at you or anyone, I just feel trapped in my situation. I know that ultimately, most stuff ends in my choice to carry it out or not, but I still feel like there’s no choice. I know that you’ve lived in this world for thousands of years, and I hate to be such a burden, but it’s just moving so quickly for me.”

“It’s ok, we can go talk to my father. We’ll go at your pace.” Tegan promised. “He can get Thanatos to transport us if you want. Just let me know if and when you’re ready for any new step.” Tegan opened her arms to offer Sara a hug, and she accepted, taking a deep breath.

Sara's heart calmed down gradually. She inhaled through her nose, exhaling through her mouth. She paused when she smelled something familiar and began sniffing. After a moment, Sara realized that the scent was coming from Tegan.

"What's that smell?" She asked, pulling away. Her eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "There's one really defined one and I just..." She closed her eyes, trying to recall what the scent was.

"Oh, regardless of my appearance I remind people of fall in a lot of ways," Tegan explained, shrugging. "Like sometimes people smell turkey and pie."

"Pumpkin spice!" Sara snapped her fingers. "That's what you smell like."

"What, do you like pumpkin spice lattes or something?" Tegan asked, stifling a giggle.

Sara let out a short laugh. "No, I hate them. I only drink good old-fashioned plain black coffee. None of the specialty Starbucks stuff. It's hard for me to get through a morning without coffee."

"Oh fuck." Tegan groaned, wrinkling her nose. "Are you going to have to live with that forever? I wouldn't want to be stuck with someone who smells like pumpkin spice."

"Good thing I smell like a regular human unless I have a case of BO." Sara grinned wickedly.

"Eww, humans are gross, like I hate smelling sweat and an overuse of cologne or perfume. I know that my senses are enhanced, but still..." Tegan playfully shuddered.

"Stop shitting on us, we literally fuel you gods' powers," Sara warned with a grin. "Besides, you smell like a fucking candle, so you barely have room to talk."

"Some people have told me that I smell like leaves." Tegan shrugged.

"Yeah, because that's a good scent," Sara replied sarcastically.

"Hey, I can't control how someone thinks I smell!"

"How else do the way people think of fall influence their perception of you?" Sara asked, her curiosity tickling at her.

"Oh, well, when people touch me, my body temperature generally reflects the way they perceive the season of autumn. Usually, people who like the warm months think my skin is cold, the people who like winter think I’m warm, and the people who like fall and early spring think it's the perfect temperature." Tegan explained.

Sara hesitated. She wasn't sure how she remembered Tegan feeling from when they'd slept together, and since then, Sara kept wearing jackets so that her arms weren't bare. "May I?" She asked.

"Totally, go ahead. You don't have to ask." Tegan held her hand out for Sara.

She took Tegan's hand in her own. "Ok, so there's a little bit of warmth, but they're also a little bit chilly." Sara released Tegan's hand and met the other woman's eyes again to see that Tegan was biting her lip.

"That's a common one." She said.

Sara smiled. She felt far more at ease with things now so much lighter. But the original question of their conversation wasn't if she felt at ease; it was whether or not she trusted Tegan enough to allow her to bring both of their consciousnesses into the mortal world, and if she was comfortable with that idea. Sara inhaled, held it for a second, and then exhaled. She considered her options: face it now while she currently felt comfortable (and most importantly comfortable with Tegan), or wait and let herself psych herself out. She trusted that Tegan wasn't lying when she said it was useful for the gods to come and go places, but the fact that it had never been done with another human was slightly worrisome.

"Tegan... Before I change my mind, are you sure you can safely get both of us to the human world?" She asked slowly.

"I'm pretty confident... But if you want, I can get my father to help out, in order to ensure that we make it, since he's more powerful than I am, older, and more experienced in stuff like this." Tegan answered.

"Ok, yeah, let's do that." Sara decided. "I'm still nervous about this."

"I get that... Is there anything I can do to help you out? I mean, aside from giving you something to hold onto side from, like, me... The more I have to bring with me, the more I have to concentrate, and that's literally the point of asking my father for help." Tegan rocked back and forth from her heels to her toes.

"I think I'm good." Sara swallowed. "So we're going to go?"

"Yep." Tegan offered her hand to Sara as she started to exit the room.

Sara took it and followed Tegan as she led Sara to the doorway of the throne room. Tegan peeked in but shook her head at Sara.

"He's busy right now. He and the Keres are sentencing someone for their eternal punishment. Um... I don't like being in the room for these..."

"You have a throne in there, though," Sara said, recalling her experience in the throne room... However, that little amount of time spent in there had changed her life so that it was nearly unrecognizable from the life she'd previously led. She inhaled deeply, and let out a cleansing breath. She didn't need to think about it. It was still overwhelming to dwell upon, so she pushed it out of her mind. To calm herself down, she thought about finally having a dog. She wasn't the biggest fan of the idea; she much preferred cats, but she supposed that she could get one eventually.

"Where do you want to go shopping?" Tegan asked. "We can literally go anywhere... Paris, London; wherever you want."

"I was thinking of staying in Canada... Victoria's really pretty." Sara shrugged. "That way nobody I know will see me with you."

"Sara... Paris. We have absolutely no spending limit..." Tegan reiterated, stunned. "We can go to the finest boutiques in the world..."

"Look, I can get a decent amount of my clothes from the men’s section at Walmart. I can go to some other stores too, but I just need basic things right now. I don't need a whole lot at the moment." Sara shrugged.

"But you can get nice clothes, and you can actually look nice. Most young mortals don't bother."

Sara raised her eyebrows on this. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know... They’ll just be in cheap jeans and a T-shirt, and make no effort to look presentable..." Tegan shrugged nonchalantly with a wrinkled nose, but Sara stood up straight.

"Tegan, nice clothing is often expensive and it's easier on our budgets to buy a few crappy T-shirts and jeans as opposed to designer. In fact, I wore jeans and a T-shirt for my job every day." Sara crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry." Tegan frowned. "I didn't mean to insult you."

Sara didn't really reply.

"Hey, please don't be mad at me. I don't want to break the trust we built for you to be willing to try letting me transport us." Tegan pleaded. She actually did look sad and rather like a puppy... Her head hanging down...

"It's ok." Sara sighed. "I still trust you."

"Thank you," Tegan replied softly, looking up shyly through her eyelashes.

Sara couldn't stop herself from smiling. Tegan was pretty adorable... Perhaps there was a real friendship down the road for them; one that didn't feel like they had been pushed together by circumstance. She was well aware of the fact that in the past, marriage was mostly arranged. She was confident that she and Tegan could have a decent friendship and partnership, even if they had to sleep in different rooms and give each other lots of space. Boundaries would be extremely important. As soon as Sara felt like she and Tegan knew each other well enough and had established a decent system of communication, she'd move into her own set of rooms. She wanted to feel independence from Tegan; she'd never liked the idea of relying on anyone.

"Tegan?" Thanatos came to the doorway. "If you would like to speak to your father, he's ready for you."

"Oh! Yes, yes I would!" Tegan snapped out of the moment, but Sara simply smiled wider and lowered her gaze to the ground.

Sara changed her facial expression to a more neutral one as Tegan guided her into the throne room by placing a hand on the back of her shoulder. Sara squared her shoulders and arranged her body language to appear confident and cool.

"Tegan, Citrine, what can I do for you?" Hades got up and strode over to meet his daughter in a hug. Tegan stood on her toes as she hugged him. He was smiling so warmly and looking at Tegan the way any child wished to have a parent look at them; filled with pride and love.

"Sara and I want to go to the Land of the Living to go shopping. I was going to bring her myself, but I need your help." Tegan explained as she and her father pulled away from each other.

"Of course," Hades replied. "Will you need help getting back?"

"If I feel like I do, I'll ask Thanatos." She answered. "Sara, c'mere." She beckoned, and Sara came forward. Tegan put an arm around her and made eye contact with her father. "Sara, you might want to close your eyes." And Sara did.

She swallowed, clinging to the fabric of Tegan's shirt under the leather jacket. Sara held her breath. She felt a sort of pressure, like she was being drawn into a syringe.

"It's ok, Sara," Tegan whispered. "Just relax. I've got you."

"I trust you." Sara breathed. She figured her words would get lost and that Tegan would never hear them.

After a moment, she felt like she was melting back down onto the ground, though she hadn't felt like her feet lifted from where they had been planted. A few beats went by and Sara felt normal. She slowly opened her eyes to see Tegan looking at her with concern.

"Are you ok, Sara?" She asked. "Was that ok?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah, Tegan. I'm fine. Thank you for checking, though." The two of them released each other. Sara looked around to see that they were, indeed, in Victoria. They were out of sight from any other people.

"We can walk to Walmart together," Tegan assured her. "It's only a little ways away."

"Ok." Sara allowed Tegan to take her hand as they set off together. "The sunshine is nice... I'm going to have to get a sun lamp so that I can sleep and avoid developing depression."

"Pretty much anything you want to get, you can have," Tegan promised. "And we can always go shopping again. If you want something just tell me."

"Thank you," Sara replied. "You don't have to do any of this... But you choose to."

"It's the least I can do." Tegan shrugged. "I mean... I destroyed your life as you knew it. I'm sorry and I always will be."

"As Sense8 says, 'Sometimes when you make a mistake you've got two choices: you live with it or you fix it'," Sara replied. "You're doing a mixture of both. I mean... you honestly can't fix it. I know you wish you could... Both of us do. But what matters is what you've done and what you continue to do."

Tegan didn't say anything after that, though Sara left her alone, figuring she needed a moment of quiet.

They only spoke once they had entered the store. Sara had released Tegan's hand in order to get a cart. Sara steered the cart to the underwear section first but hesitated before grabbing some boyshorts.

"Do you think I'll get my period?" Sara asked. "I need to know if I need period underwear or not. Also if I need to stock up on pads and tampons."

"I'm not sure... But you can't age. So maybe not? Um... I doubt you're going to ovulate. I mean, I'm just going off of what I know. I don't have a period, nor does my mother. Nature spirits don't. But then again... if your nails have grown any, that's probably an indication that you can still get your period. I have no idea what'll happen, to be honest." Tegan pondered.

"Well, I trimmed my fingernails the night we met... And it's been a few days... So it's kind of hard to tell right now." Sara remarked. "I don't think I'm actually 'not aging' if my fingernails are still growing because that means that the cells are still being produced and that I'm aging. But that would suck because it means that I can never change my hair again. Also, what happens when I run out of eggs in my ovaries?"

"I don't know." Tegan shrugged. "I'm not a doctor. And I don't know the finer details of your immortality, unfortunately. Um... it can't hurt to have more underwear. Also if you don't need the pads and tampons, you can find a way to get rid of them."

"Yeah, true... Might as well be safe." Sara shrugged and tossed a package of boyshorts into the cart. "I want to go to a real underwear store later and get some real panties and shit... Also, I do need bras, and I want to get high-quality ones." She grabbed a couple of packages of socks (different kinds) and popped them into the cart too. She migrated over to look at jeans next.

"Oh, you might want to get a couple of dresses of varying formality," Tegan suggested. "Like, some black tie-formal, some a little less formal, semi... casual... the works."

"Yeah, right... me in a dress." Sara scoffed. "I wear a suit if I'm going to be formal."

"Um... That's probably not the best idea with the other gods." Tegan grimaced. "Even I wear a dress around family members who aren't my parents. I don't like it at all... But that's just how we do things."

"I don't care," Sara replied simply. "I haven't worn a dress since I was an early teen. I don't like dresses, and I'm not going to wear one unless I want to. Nobody is going to get me to wear something I don't like."

"They'll talk about you," Tegan warned. "I mean... I used to think like you, but... I don't want people to talk about me. I don't want to rock the boat."

"I prefer to present more androgynous. If people want to talk about me behind my back or bad mouth me to my face, that's their problem, and says more about them than it does about me." Sara shrugged.

Tegan stared over at her with longing. "I wish I had what it takes to be like you..."

"Trust me," Sara replied dryly, "It takes time to build up the self-confidence and a lot of tears fall before you learn to let it just bounce off. Society will pressure you no matter what, so you just have to do what you want. Like, if someone's more feminine, it's like people see them as dumb, shallow, or weak. If someone's more masculine, it's improper. So you just have to live for you."

Tegan nodded without saying anything.

Sara offered a sympathetic smile. "We women just can't win, can we? Like. we have to be soft, but not too soft and sweet. We can't care about our appearance, but if we try, we're too vain. Every modern 'strong' woman in media falls into this one category... Long hair, wears pants unless it's for a formal affair, and then she'll roll over and put on a dress. She wears subtle jewelry, she has a no-makeup-makeup look, her hair is always perfect, but not obviously styled... Bonus points if she wears a leather jacket. So, she's not too masculine, but still not feminine either, but nowhere near androgynous."

"You literally just described me." Tegan pointed out. She was smiling, though; her sense of humor shining through, so Sara laughed with her.

"Ok, fair enough," Sara admitted. "Anyway, I was just giving some thoughts on that stuff... So yeah."

"I like the way you think," Tegan remarked, still smiling.

"Thanks, usually only Emy likes to really get into discussions with me." Sara shrugged. "Being able to have discussions with someone will be nice."

"I'm always up for intellectual discussions. Also jokes... this includes puns." Tegan's eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Oh my god..." Sara gave Tegan a look. "Puns are the worst thing in the world." She wasn't actually being serious, but Tegan would be able to tell by the hint of a smile on her lips. "Ted likes to make puns whenever we go out someplace together just to annoy me and I almost strangle him, I swear. Puns are so annoying."

"Is that a challenge?" Tegan grinned.

"Don't you dare." Sara playfully rolled her eyes. "I will leave you in this store."

“Unfortunately for you, that’s not gonna work,” Tegan warned.

“Dammit… I guess I’m stuck with you.” Sara let out a dramatic sigh. “Gonna have to marry you…”

“The horror,” Tegan mockingly clutched her heart and Sara burst out laughing, unable to contain herself.

She’d been feeling a lot of tension about everything, and it was an enormous relief to be able to laugh about it… It took some weight off her shoulders, though it left Sara feeling pleasantly tired. She took a deep breath and exhaled part of the tension.

“Hey, you ok?” Tegan asked, noticing Sara taking a deep breath. “Did I—?”

“No, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that joking around makes reality easier.” Sara explained quickly. “You know it’s a lot and that it can seem like I’ve lost control of my life… But honestly being able to laugh and joke makes it a lot easier.”

“I’m glad.” Tegan smiled, her head bowed forward slightly, and she was looking at Sara through her eyelashes. Her smile seemed to almost be one of longing. Perhaps Tegan still felt guilty.

“If you think of any other jokes, feel free to torture me with them.” Sara requested, grinning, placing a hand on Tegan’s shoulder. “Come on, we need to do more shopping.”

Sara’s request was fulfilled as Tegan cracked jokes as they popped into her head. Sara pretended to be annoyed, but Tegan kept their seemingly endless shopping lively. Even when Sara groaned with despair at the fact that they would have to make another trip to get other stuff (as it turned out, replacing an entire wardrobe was a large task) Tegan made some remark about how they were really going for ‘shop till you drop’ which made Sara roll her eyes and lightly shove Tegan.

“My feet are killing me… I need to sleep.” Sara informed Tegan.

“Do you want to go to your apartment, or do you want to see how you sleep in the Underworld?” Tegan asked. “You can sleep in my bed.”

“I should probably learn how to sleep in the Underworld,” Sara admitted. “And I can test out the sun lamp. There’s still time for me to sleep in my bed at home.”

“So is it settled?”

“Yep.” Sara smiled tiredly.

“I’ll call Thanatos. We deserve to enjoy a ride home.” Tegan winked at Sara. Throughout the day, Tegan had sent their bags home; one or two at a time so that they wouldn’t have to carry all of them.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to rest my feet." Sara smiled wryly. "I'm so fucking tired." A mother glared at Sara's use of profanity around young children. "Shit! I mean freaking... Oh goddammit." She groaned. "I'm too tired to not fucking cuss. It's ingrained within me."

"I guess you don't talk like a lady." Tegan teased, grinning.

"Yeah, no fucking shit," Sara replied, having given up on keeping her language child-friendly. She'd lost the habit in college, and only the presence of her parents could really keep her from swearing, so 'Think of the children' didn't really work with her.

"I hope nobody in my family gets on you for being used to this world." Tegan murmured.

"Well, from what you've told me, they can be kind of closed-minded." Sara pointed out.

"Well, only those who really interact with people, like my immediate family, for example, have really had to advance their mindset. The rest... They just look the other way. I'm a bit of an exception because I've always felt very disconnected from my extended family because I'm so much younger, and my romantic and sexual partner options are severely limited, so it's a lot easier to be in this world. Humans just don't care now. They're becoming so involved in their own issues and rarely inconvenience themselves to acknowledge people who are different. Of course, that's not everyone, but the fact that it's a higher ratio than I'm used to is a relief."

"I'm probably going to explode with anxiety when the time finally does come to meet them," Sara muttered. "I mean, not that you're doing anything wrong; in fact, I'd rather have you tell me as much as you can about them."

"I'm glad I can help." Tegan smiled. She looked down at her phone upon it vibrating. "Thanatos is outside. Here, let me help you."

Sara watched Tegan help her with bags like they weighed nothing. She, herself, wasn't especially strong, but she knew that she could build up her physical ability in order to pass time and stay healthy.

In the backseat of the limo, Sara sprawled out, but Tegan sat primly, like a princess would.

"Do you want something to drink?" Tegan asked. "We have a little bar, and it has a lot of stuff..."

"I'd like some wine." Sara took a deep breath before sitting up and leaning over to look at the selection. She picked out an expensive looking red and poured herself a glass. After taking a sip, she sat back and looked at Tegan, who turned out to be looking at her. "Today was nice... Thank you for taking me shopping."

"Of course!" Tegan gave her a sweet and gummy smile. "Tell me any time you want to go do something, and I'll be happy to take you as soon as I can."

The two of them sat in silence together, free from the background noise of other people talking, music playing throughout stores, and other sounds.

When they arrived back to the Underworld palace, Sara picked up as many bags as she could carry and awkwardly began bringing them to her room. She turned to see what was going to happen to the other bags that she couldn't carry, only to find that Thanatos was carrying them for her.

"Thanks," She said.

"You're welcome. I wouldn't want Princess Tegan to have to carry them if she doesn't have to." Thanatos smiled at the goddess who was walking beside him.

Sara turned to face forward, rolling her eyes. She just couldn’t escape that nonsense, could she?

Once all of the purchases from the day had been deposited into Sara’s room, she and Tegan were left alone together.

“So you still want to sleep, right?” Tegan pushed her hands into her pockets and shifted her weight.

“Yeah, you said I could sleep in your bed, right?”

“Yes, of course. Um… Let me get someone to change the sheets and stuff, and just come in when you’re ready.” Tegan bit her lip and slowly turned towards the door and exited Sara’s room.

Sara raised an eyebrow but simply found some pajamas and fresh underwear. Awkwardness seemed to just be in Tegan’s nature. She wondered if that would fade once they knew each other better, but that would take time, as it hadn’t even been a week since they’d met. That was part of the reason Sara had wanted to go shopping with Tegan; it’d be nice to get to know the person she was going to be living right next to and eventually marrying. It was best to get as comfortable as possible with Tegan before Sara had to fake her death because she would certainly need support, and she couldn’t accept support from someone she didn’t know that well. Of course, Sara wasn’t going to tell Tegan the full extent of what she had planned out because it was good for them to know each other well regardless.

“Hey,” Sara said as she entered Tegan’s bedroom with her boxed sunlamp in her arms. “Is it ok if I set this up?”

“What? Oh! Yeah, of course.” Tegan had apparently been startled as she’d stood staring out one of the windows of her bedroom. “Let me help you.”

With their teamwork, they summoned an outlet to plug in the lamp and figured out the instructions to get it working. Sara liked the idea of being able to simply request out loud what she needed of her surroundings and have it be done. That was literally the dream for anyone. It’s what technology works towards, and she would live in a place with it. Something better than the stuff from Star Trek.

“The sheets are clean and if you want extra blankets I can give them to you, or if you just want the fires to be larger, you can summon a servant to tend to it.” Tegan rattled off, not making eye contact with Sara.

“Thanks,” Sara said. She hesitated as she looked at the bed. “Um… I know this is weird, but would you be willing to stay with me? We’ve shared a bed before, and I’m not used to the setting, so maybe it would be helpful if I wasn’t alone?” She also secretly felt awkward about sleeping in Tegan’s bed, so it’d feel less weird if Tegan was sleeping in it too. Sara wasn’t sure what Tegan would be doing with a bed if she didn’t sleep, because a couch would suffice for other purposes.

“I… Really?” Tegan licked her lips.

“Yeah… You don’t have to, though.” Sara was in a large T-shirt, pajama pants, and fuzzy socks as her pajamas, so it wasn’t like she was being suggestive about this.

“No, no… I can sleep in the bed with you. I’ll just go get changed.” Tegan went into another room, which Sara knew was Tegan’s walk-in closet.

She slipped into the bed and took a deep breath. She wished that she’d brought a book with her so that she could read herself to sleep, but she was physically tired enough to be able to fall asleep, though Sara wasn’t sure if she really felt sleepy… Tired but not sleepy… one of the worst dilemmas she figured she could ever come across. Usually, Sara turned to Emy if she had difficulty sleeping, so perhaps Tegan in the bed with her would help. Emy’s presence was usually very soothing for Sara, so all she had to do was pretend that Tegan was Emy. Their breathing wouldn’t sound the same, but maybe the feeling of Emy next to Sara in the bed could be replicated.

It then occurred to Sara that this wasn’t the best idea. She was sleeping in Tegan’s bed, with Tegan, so that she could get used to sleeping in the Underworld. Doing her damned best to imagine that she wasn’t in the setting she was in was probably counterintuitive.

“Is that the side you want?” Tegan asked, tentatively approaching. Sara raised her eyebrows at Tegan’s simple white linen pajama bottoms and silk tunic. The fancy version of what she, herself was wearing. However, Tegan’s lack of a bra was more obvious…

“Um, yeah. It’s fine. Unless you want this side?” Sara replied, eyes snapping back to Tegan’s face.

“You can have whichever side you want. I don’t care…” Tegan fumbled with the covers, seemingly trying to hide her blush with her hair but Sara could see it.

“We’ve literally fucked and slept in a bed naked together, Tegan.” Sara reminded her dryly. “There’s no need to get shy about us sleeping in a bed together fully clothed. We can be adults about this.”

“Speak for yourself, in a couple of years I’m gonna be two thousand five hundred years old,” Tegan replied as she awkwardly got into the bed. She looked nervous, but Sara figured the best thing to do was lay back and relax.

Tegan snapped her fingers, and the room went dark.

“So do you usually use this bed for sleeping?” Sara asked, finding that she was feeling wide awake and that the silence was rather painful

“I mean… occasionally. I don’t necessarily need to sleep, but I do sometimes.”

“Cool…” Sara bit her lip. God, this was agony. She just wanted to be able to sleep.

Unfortunately, it took an unfair amount of time for Sara to finally fall asleep. She was pretty sure Tegan had drifted off way before her, but that was reasonable because Tegan had been born in the Underworld. Well… bloomed out of a flower counted as being born, Sara was pretty sure.

Speak of the devil, Tegan moved when she was asleep. Probably due to having consciousnesses out and about other places. She had gradually rolled over until she was pretty close to Sara. Tegan was on her stomach, her head turned towards Sara. If either of them moved the least bit more, Sara would fall out of the bed after scooting as to try to give Tegan some space. And then Tegan’s arm found itself draped over her. Sara used to let Emy snuggle with her, so maybe this would help her fall asleep… She took a deep breath and rolled onto her side, facing Tegan and scooted closer to her. Tegan moved back to her side, which left more space between them, but her arm remained where it was.

Sara wasn’t sure when she fell asleep, but when she woke up, they were in a pretty damn similar position to the last one Sara remembered. She smiled faintly when she saw how peaceful and beautiful Tegan looked next to her. She still seemed to be asleep, but Sara was hungry and wanted Tegan to walk her down to the dining room because she felt too shy and awkward to go alone.

“Good morning, Tegan,” Sara said in a low morning voice that Emy always joked about how it must drive all the girls slept with wild in the mornings. Emy called it Sara’s ‘morning-after-sex voice’.

“Hey…” Tegan murmured softly, her eyes slowly opening. She took a sleepy look at Sara and immediately pulled away from Sara as though she had been burned. “Oh, my…. Oh fuck… Sorry, I know you probably like your space, I’m so sorry. You should have just pushed me away… Fuck!”

“It’s fine.” Sara shrugged. “I don’t mind. Anyway, I’m up for some breakfast. When I’m dressed, will you take me to the dining room?”

“Y-yeah, sure… Let me… Let me just get dressed too.” Tegan got out of the bed without looking Sara in the face again and scurried off into her closet.

Sara raised her eyebrows and made the bed nice and neatly before going back to her own room to get dressed, though she made a pit stop in the bathroom to clean up a little bit. She had found a pair of jeans that she’d put on and was in the middle of finding a shirt to cover her bra-clad upper body when Tegan walked in, staring at her own feet.

“So I’m really sorry about putting my arm over you… That’s probably just something I do in my sleep and ah fuck, sorry!” Tegan had been rambling and hadn’t even noticed Sara’s lack of shirt. Once she did, she covered her eyes and backed out of the room. “I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what’s up with me right now!”

“It’s ok!” Sara assured her as she put on a shirt. “I’m decent. I’ll just put on some shoes and socks and we can go down for some breakfast. She smirked to herself. Tegan was being pretty cute and funny… Not that Sara was enjoying her misfortune.

“I’m sorry again… for all of this.” Tegan said as she came back into the room.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s all fine.” Sara met Tegan’s eyes and smiled, as she finished putting on her shoes and socks which made Tegan smile shyly. “Ok, let’s go.”

They walked next to each other without talking and were quiet as they ate breakfast at the table. Sara still wasn’t used to laying down as she ate, so she sat up with her legs crossed. Hades walked in to drop a kiss on top of Tegan’s head.

“Hello, girls.” He smiled tiredly. “I needed a break from dealing with the worst of humanity, so I’m glad you came down when you did.”

“Are you joining us, Sir?” Sara asked.

“You can call me Hades. No formalities or I shall have to call you Ms. Quin. I’m sure the same will go for Persephone when she gets back.” Hades replied. “Like it or not, which goes for all of us, you’re part of our family now, and we may as well act like a family.” He smiled kindly as Tegan nodded in agreement.

_There are worse places to have be home._ Sara thought. And she took a deep breath of the Underworld air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, please let me know what you think XOXO


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for all the support so far! Every single hit, comment, and kudo means so much to me. <3
> 
> However, this chapter is different than usual.
> 
> MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: Sara's making it look like she took her own life by jumping off a bridge, so for anyone who might be sensitive to suicide, PLEASE exercise the necessary self-care. If you're struggling, please reach out to someone. Just in case, here is a list of hotlines for around the world (i'm sorry if it's not as complete as you might like): 
> 
> http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines
> 
> Please do not let a fanfiction harm your mental health and understand that it is ok to skip this chapter if need be. Please take care of yourself, and never forget: you are not alone. There is help out there.

“Wow…” Sara murmured. She honestly wasn’t sure what else to say as she took a good look at her apartment for the last time. It had only been a little over a week since she and Tegan had met at the club, and everything was so different now. Today, she had to fake her death. She spent the entire night agonizing over the three notes she would leave on her desk, the names of the people they were addressed to on the envelopes. The plan was for her to get a ride to the bridge she and Tegan agreed upon, once she was ready.

The day before, Sara had called her family members and talked for a little while before heading over to Emy’s. She hadn’t wanted to go home for the night, but Sara wasn’t sure where she’d be able to draw the line if she slept over. Leaving her life wasn’t negotiable.

Tegan had asked Sara if she was sure she was ready so many times that Sara had asked to be alone. She wanted more than anything to afford to be able to say that she wasn’t ready, but Sara wasn’t sure she would be able to do this of her own free will again if she didn’t do it on this day. She’d spent days preparing… Packing the items that she couldn’t bear to leave behind. This included photos of her family and friends, paintings by Emy, books of Sara’s with great sentimental value (such as inscriptions by authors or the giver), and some gifts. She decided she would keep the red hoodie given to her by Rob on the night she and Tegan met, due to the comfort it brought. It was large, which was a bonus, and the fabric was soft and smelled like a night out with her friends, which she previously might have viewed as annoying. Now… She would give anything for another one.

Sara decided that since it was the most likely out of any of her clothing that she was bringing with her to not get damaged from the water, she’d wear it over a plain black T-shirt she usually wore to bed, along with a pair of worn jeans that were a Christmas present from her parents. (She asked for practical things when she first started college). The shoes were accidentally stolen from Ted, but she kept them and added grip pads. The story of how she’d acquired them went that her parents had a bin filled with old shoes in the garage and Sara wanted some so that she wouldn’t have to buy new shoes for a while, so she kept all of the ones from the basket that fit her. Some of these used to belong to Ted, and he’d decided to acquire a fragile masculinity for that moment because apparently his sister wearing his old shoes made him less manly (something about girls ruining boy things) until Sara pointed it out to him and patiently explained the dangers of a masculinity that fragile. (At the time Ted was around fourteen, so Sara had merely raised an eyebrow.)

All of her important virtual files were on flash or cloud drives, and Tegan promised that Sara would soon have a laptop and the bed she’d asked for. (Sara had been picking out furniture for the Underworld, and she’d asked for nice things now that cost was no object.) Now Sara only had to complete the operation. This was the hardest part, but she knew that she had been building up to it. There was no avoiding this, and that’s how Sara knew that she could do it. She had no choice, so she could do it.

She had enough cash to get a cab, along with a note for anyone who saw her jump off the bridge (which she would tape to the safety bars), but left everything else in her apartment; her keys, phone, and wallet on the table right inside of the door, which was next to the hall closet with the shoe rack. Emy had a key to Sara’s apartment, so that’s how they would get in if they didn’t get the landlord.

 Sara took a deep breath and took one last look around before shutting the door of her apartment behind her. She slowly walked down the hall but decided to take the stairs so she could think. The movement of going down the several flights of stairs would provide an outlet for her emotions. Besides, an elevator ride would be too quick, but before she knew it, she was out the door and hailing a cab. When one stopped for her, she spared a glance over at her apartment building. She swallowed and entered the taxi, her voice sounding weak as she told the driver where she wanted to go. It wasn’t a very short drive, but she was going to pay the driver as well as she could.

The driver did their best to engage her in conversation, but Sara made it as subtly clear as possible that she wasn’t in the mood to talk. She felt like if she did, she would spill her guts, and that’s exactly the type of thing that would prevent her from being able to do what she needed to do. She needed Tegan, but Sara knew that she needed to go as far as she could on her own. Tegan wasn’t her crutch, and Sara couldn’t let herself use Tegan as one, even though the other woman would probably be accommodating. This was Sara’s journey.

She felt like the ride to the bridge was both dragged out and sped up at the same time. It almost felt like she was in a dream, but everything was too real. The little details of sound, the textures of the surfaces she was touching; the smooth glass of the window, the fabric of the seat, her skin. However, the dead giveaway that this wasn’t a dream was the fact that she was so invested and everything was too clear. Dreams were like walking through sand, and reality was walking on concrete, and Sara was walking on concrete barefoot. Sara wasn’t sure how she was still breathing as her heart pounded in her chest. Dreams never made her feel like this. If this were a nightmare, she would have woken up now, and she’d have a mere mild interest. She hadn’t gone through any rabbit hole, so there was no waking up from this.

“Are you sure you want to be dropped off on the side of the road?” The cab driver asked as they approached the place where Sara wanted to get off.

“Yeah, I’m meeting a friend, and we’re walking across the bridge together,” Sara answered, her voice surprisingly calm, despite the thudding in her chest and quaking of her hands. “Thank you,” She murmured as she handed the driver the entire wad of cash. “Keep the change.” She carefully exited the car as her body seemed to want to work against her and prevent her from doing something she would most certainly survive from.

The car sat there for a moment as Sara moved towards the walkway, where a woman stood wearing a long grey army jacket with a hood, leaning against the railing, watching for people Sara might have the misfortune of encountering, lest they try to interfere with their plan.

“I’m here,” Sara called out. Tegan’s head turned and she moved toward Sara.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you decided not to come.” Tegan murmured.

“I know, but I told myself that it’s now or never, so that wasn’t really an option for me,” Sara replied as she pulled the red hood up to cover her hair and perhaps even part of her face. The car pulled away after the driver observed that Sara was actually with and talking to someone.

“You still do have a choice.” Tegan reminded her. “I know that it has to happen sometime… But in all honesty, we can wait a week or two. Like I told you earlier, this is completely irreversible, so it’s not too late to change the plan. Originally, we pushed you because we were being insensitive and didn’t value your life as much nearly as we should have, which wasn’t fair to you. There’s still time for you to go back and pretend to move away or something, and just fade out…”

“No, this is the way I want to exit the stage.” Sara murmured. “Tegan, it’s ok. Like I keep telling you, I don’t feel pressured to leave my loved ones like this; it’s just the best way and the best time. As much as them thinking I took my own life with no previous warning signs might wound them, it will heal better than me going missing. That way they don’t have to wonder and won’t struggle to find someone to blame or keep looking for me. It’ll be completely in my hands. I have complete control over this decision, especially with the letters I left. But… Thank you for checking. It means a lot.” She smiled sadly and bit her lip for a moment, not failing to notice, the way Tegan’s eyes flickered down to her mouth. Sara wanted to hug Tegan, but initiating the contact wasn’t usually her thing. But this time, where she needed emotional support in order to be strong enough to do this, she slowly hugged the goddess in front of her, the one she hadn’t thought was real two weeks prior. Tegan’s arms immediately wrapped around her, reciprocating the action, and it felt real. This really was real.

After a moment, Sara pulled away, leaving a hand on Tegan’s shoulder. She stared at the walkway of the bridge.

“You were right, a Tuesday left it pretty barren,” Tegan observed. “There’s the occasional person and some tourists, but if you climb the safety bars quickly, you’ll be able to do it without interference. Just show me where you want me to be, and I’ll catch you, I promise.”

“I know…” Sara swallowed, taking a deep breath. Her eyes met Tegan’s anxious looking hazel ones. “I trust you, Tegan.”

“And… and then I’ll take us h—back to the Underworld.” Tegan finished. “Remember to jump the way we practiced.”

“I know,” Sara assured her.

“And if I don’t grab you right away, I’ll come to you. Just don’t move except to go deeper if you’re too close to the surface. I’ll see you, and I’ll get to you, I promise.” Gods didn’t truly have a need to breathe, and they could see even in the dark. They were also strong, so there wasn’t really anything to worry about.

“I know,” Sara repeated.

“And here…” Tegan handed her a pair of fingerless gloves, which Sara immediately put on. Tegan got them from some store, and they would help Sara’s grip as she climbed the safety bars. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, and I’m sure about that,” Sara answered. “I want to walk on alone.” She moved her arms to her sides, clenching her hands into fists.

“Good luck.” Tegan murmured. She put on her own hood, and then Sara wasn’t sure where she went. None of the cars would have noticed Tegan disappearing, though. She took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other as she strode onto the walkway of the bridge. Her heart was pounding. She glanced around, seeing that there was nobody making use of the walkway at this particular moment, so she found the part that was roughly the middle, and took a deep breath before pulling her wallet out of her pocket and tossing it onto the sidewalk.

She and Ted had climbed metal poles before in order to sneak onto some properties, so Sara knew the technique. However, there was a helpful railing for her to step onto, as well as a horizontal piece that went through the middle of all of the ten-foot bars to keep them steady, so Sara was most of the way there already. She pulled the envelope with her explanatory note out of her pocket and peeled the paper off an adhesive square she brought, and stuck it to a bar next to her so that her note wouldn’t fly away in the wind. There were people honking at her, rolling down their windows and yelling at her to stop, some saying that they were calling authorities. But Sara kept climbing. She refused to look down at the water below or to the side to see people likely running to stop her, simply repeating to herself that Tegan would catch her, that this wasn’t the end, which was rather ironic, though she didn’t afford herself a thought that was anything less than serious.

The gloves had a fantastic grip, and somehow Sara didn’t fall, being bad at most athletic activities. They must have been something from the gods, because when Sara had to move over the tops of the bars, even though there was no horizontal bar, she, for a moment, was only holding herself up with her hands before bracing herself in her position with her feet against the smooth metal poles. She was in a crouched position and looked over the people who’d stopped their cars, yelling and pleading at her, the ones calling for help, those running to try to aid her. They’d be good for the next person who came to jump off the bridge, but this situation was special. And with that, Sara sprung against the bars of the bridge, trying to push herself as far out as possible. Luckily there were no boats nearby. She fell through the air but managed to get her feet first, her legs bent enough, and her toes pointed. Tegan talked to the Naiad, a water spirit, inhabiting this area, and she was able to break the surface tension and displace the water before she entered enough to prevent serious injuries while making it look bad on the top of the water. Sara had met this Naiad a few days previously alongside Tegan, and the three of them had done the physics calculations in order to find out what the Naiad needed to be able to do. She’d experienced people jumping off bridges before and had unsuccessfully tried to save them, but she could now be prepared; ensuring Sara’s survival.

Sara closed her eyes as she entered the water, having taken a deep breath as she did so. She held it as she entered the water. It was as easy as jumping into a pool; the Naiad had done her job. Sara carefully used her arms to push herself further underwater. Bubbles escaped her lips, but she didn’t dare open her eyes, lest the water hurt her. Her heart pounded as seconds went by, but she couldn’t see or feel Tegan. She began to grow anxious, so she opened her eyes.

The water burned, but she squinted and managed to turn three hundred and sixty degrees. She couldn’t see Tegan. She looked up and realized that she was closer to the surface than she had thought, so she moved lower and lower. She began to run out of air as she blew the occasional bubble.

Finally, she saw Tegan approaching. Sara waved her hand frantically, and Tegan sped up. She grabbed Sara by the biceps and then they were in the courtyard of the Underworld together and Sara could breathe. She gasped for the sweet cool air, and grabbed Tegan in a hug, resting her head on Tegan’s shoulder. Sara’s knees buckled from underneath her, but Tegan held her up with an arm around Sara’s waist, a hand on her neck. When Sara regained her breath, she stood up on her own again, and Tegan carefully let her go. The two women stood looking at each other, face to face. Sara felt tired, and Tegan looked worried. Emotion churned in Sara’s gut as the full weight of what she had just done hit her, and she felt like she had been punched in the stomach as she let the air escape her.

She’d known that she would break the hearts of her family and friends by having to leave them, but by doing this, she’d most likely tear them apart. This had been the lesser of two evils because it had been clear from the start that she wasn’t allowed to explain the situation to any of them. But still… Letting them think that she’d ended her own life… Sara was alone now. She wasn’t even sure if Tegan counted as a friend even with the time they’d spent together, but now they were going to be expected to get married, and Sara had no friends she could talk about this with and her family would mourn her, wishing that they could have seen the signs when in reality there was nothing they could do but it wasn’t their fault and…

With all of these thoughts shooting through Sara; making her hands shake and her breath ragged, she did something impulsive because if she didn’t, she’d probably collapse. She kissed Tegan, who seemed to move forward the second Sara began to close the gap between them and kissed back the seconds their lips met. Sara seemed to have control over their kiss, and when she felt all of the overwhelming feelings drain out of her, like a balloon releasing all of the air inside of it, she pulled away and took a deep breath.

“Sorry… I was overwhelmed. I… That was a big thing for me to do, just now, and you were here… I’m so sorry.” Sara murmured, her eyes meeting Tegan’s as the other woman removed her hands from the sides of Sara’s head, which apparently went there when they’d kissed.

“It’s ok, I understand,” Tegan replied softly. “Are you cold? Do you want to take a shower?”

“… Yeah, I’d like that.” Sara decided. Tegan guided her to the bathroom, though they made a pit stop by Sara’s closet to retrieve some loungewear for her to change into.

Once alone, Sara shed her clothes and turned the shower on hot and sat down, arms wrapped around her legs; her knees tucked under her chin. She closed her eyes and sat like that for a while, the loneliness and emptiness roaring inside of her. Sure, she could take Tegan’s company in order to attempt to fill the void, but it wouldn’t work, and Sara didn’t want to use Tegan; she refused to do something that might cause someone else to feel bad just to try to make herself feel less shitty. Sara knew that she would feel better eventually. That or get used to her life now.

When she finally exited the bathroom in sweatpants and a soft T-shirt after her shower, Sara tossed her clothes into the hamper in her closet. She approached her canopy bed, pulling out the telescope, tossing it onto the perfectly-made bed.

“Lights off, please. Only allow for outside light.” Sara ordered, and the room instantly darkened. She climbed onto her bed, pulling the curtains shut. They were soundproof depending on what Sara wanted. The default was for her to be able to hear outside noises, but outsiders couldn’t hear what was going on inside unless someone opened the curtains. For now, Sara was fine with their current setting.

She extended the telescope. “Show me Emy Storey,” She murmured.

Sara’s heart dropped when she saw Emy at the pool at the gym where she worked as a lifeguard, seemingly unaware that her best friend was gone forever. Emy was giving little kids swim lessons. The image made Sara’s eyes fill with tears.

“Show me Sonia Clement and Stephen Quin.” She whispered, her voice growing weak.

Sara’s parents looked absolutely devastated as they sat inside a police station. Ted was with them, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“What have I done?” Sara whispered. Her lips trembled. “Show me Emy again.” Sara curled into a ball as she watched her best friend finish giving the swim lesson and head into the otherwise empty locker room to change out of her wet swimsuit.

Emy checked her phone and frowned, calling Sonia back due to the text message that had been left.

Sara’s gut dropped as she realized what she was about to witness, but she knew that she deserved this.

“Hey Sonia, what’s wrong, is Sara ok?” Emy asked, gripping her bag tightly, her knuckles white.

Sara could make out her mother softly informing Emy what had happened; what those people had witnessed on that bridge. “W-what?” Emy let out a soft whimper that stabbed Sara right through the heart. “But she… Are they sure?” After this response, Emy let out a pained wail as she fell to her knees sobbing, dropping her phone onto the floor of the locker room.

Sara watched as Emy tried to call her, only to get voicemail, next texting her. She watched as Emy pleaded with apathetic gods to let her best friend be alright. Sara watched as other employees came to see what was wrong. She watched as they tried to ask the inconsolable Emy what had happened.

_This is your fault._ Sara’s mind whispered to her over and over, but it wasn’t inaccurate. It was right. All of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who stayed with me, thank you for the support. Feel free to comment or leave kudos if you would like.
> 
> And if you need something to cheer you up, this is a video of a tiny hamster eating tiny burritos:
> 
> https://youtu.be/JOCtdw9FG-s


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you for the support last chapter! I hope you'll enjoy this one just as much, if not more. 
> 
> The only thing you might need to worry about is grief, if that's triggering for you.

Tegan had always been terrible about getting attached to the women she’d slept with, but with everything going on, she’d decided that it was unfair for her to be overbearing to Sara, who clearly had more important things on her mind than exploring a genuinely romantic relationship with Tegan. So Tegan did her best to not let something like falling asleep next to Sara and waking up practically cuddling her happen again. And then Sara kissed Tegan. Sure, tensions and emotions were probably high on Sara’s end in the moment, and it probably meant nothing, but the fact that Sara hadn’t come out of her room in over thirty-six hours allowed Tegan to agonize over everything and wonder if she’d fucked it all up. But then again, it might not be about Tegan at all… Perhaps she was just over exaggerating her part in all of this.

But was Sara ok? What if she was getting dehydrated or hungry?

With a small noise of frustration, Tegan went into the throne room, appearing on her throne in the middle of a trial. She watched with disinterest as her father laid down a sentence for some random scum of the earth. When the trial was over, and it was just her, Hades, and Cerberus, her father looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“I guess you’re off of your modern day clothing kick.” He remarked, referencing the fact that she was wearing sandals and a short chiton, which was generally men’s clothing. Tegan usually wore clothing from back in the day, with maybe some modern articles of clothing thrown into the mix, but with Sara around, Tegan had been wearing modern clothing.

Tegan shrugged. “It’s comfortable. Anyway, I actually want to talk about something.” She curled her legs to the side and sat facing her father’s throne. She placed her arms on the armrest of the throne and rested her chin on them.

“What’s on your mind, Citrine?” Hades raised an eyebrow.

“Sara won’t come out of her room. I… I’m worried about her.” Tegan looked up at her father with an anxious frown. “I know it’s natural for her to grieve… But I don’t-… What do I do?”

“It’s my experience that humans like comfort from other living beings. It helps a lot if the one who comforts them helps by taking care of the person.” Hades offered. “But Tegan… Do be careful. I know that look in your eyes.”

“Papa… I’m not in love with her.” Tegan mumbled.

“Not yet, at least. But it would cause me great pain if you were to give her so much of yourself that she broke your heart.” Hades replied, placing his hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “And you know the fury that your mother would wreak upon Sara if that were to happen. She wanted you to be strong enough to prevent this.”

“But it didn’t work.” Tegan smiled to herself. She had been raised with an overwhelming amount of love, and she supposed she was strong somewhere, but she’d turned out to be as soft as air. Her siblings hadn’t received the same amount of love due to the complexity of how they came into the family and whose child they were, but Tegan was the final and successful attempt at having a child without it falling into tragedy and pain for those involved. Melinoe resented her. Dionysus didn’t even care. Tegan supposed that it didn’t help that she was the only one given a throne in the Underworld, but even before her birth, Melinoe hadn’t wanted a place in the Underworld’s throne room, since she preferred to skulk in other parts of the Underworld. Tegan knew that none of it was her fault, but she guilt still gnawed at her like a snack. She gave up on trying with her siblings, especially after that first time with Dionysus. She never called him Zagreus after the first time, when she was a little girl and he didn’t respond. It was then that Persephone gently explained to her what happened to her brother. Throughout the years, Tegan had always made small talk, but he didn’t seem to have much interest in speaking to her.

“There is always more room for people with large tender hearts. I never want to see yours turn to stone. You may have to protect it, but don’t let it change who you are. I know you’re right on the brink of falling for her, but in this situation, it’s not a good idea. Obviously, you can’t control your heart, but you can take measures to protect yourself.” Hades smiled down at his daughter with worry in his eyes.

“I know, Papa. I just… She’s different from anyone I’ve ever met.” Tegan’s pleading eyes met her father’s, as though she was trying to justify to him why she was so damn near in love with Sara. “I know there have been other women that I’ve fallen for, but she doesn’t see me as a kid. Nor is she constantly stupefied by who and what I am. It’s like she’s one of us, almost.”

“There are many human women like her,” Hades warned. “But I must say that you shouldn’t get involved with them. Sara wouldn’t be the wisest person to engage in a romantic relationship with either.”

“Papa, my dating options aren’t exactly wide, based off of that.” Tegan reminded him. “I’m not dating a nature spirit that admires or fears me. I’m the youngest goddess, too. So no other goddess would like to attempt a liaison with me because it’d be uncomfortable… especially because everyone is terrified of Mama.”

“I wish I could give you all that you could ever want, Citrine.” Hades sighed. “This isn’t your fault. I can offer you support or my most logical advice.”

“I want advice to get Sara to like me, Papa,” Tegan replied softly. “How do I win her over?”

“For now, I would bring her some food and water, provide a shoulder to lean on, and an ear to listen. Those help with the grief.” Hades stood as Tegan slowly did the same. He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I want you to be happy, but I worry when you take risks to achieve that. I never wanted for you to have to heal any broken hearts. I suppose it is in a parent’s nature to want to protect their child from anything that could hurt them, even love, but that wouldn’t be wise. You need to experience things. I will do my best to guide and support you, my Citrine.”

Tegan nodded against his chest. “Thank you, Papa. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

She pulled away and took a deep breath before heading towards the kitchen, quickly changing her clothes to a T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. She instructed the nearest spirit to make chicken noodle soup for Sara (she knew it was a staple of western comfort food and Sara previously told Tegan that her only allergy was mint; no other diet restrictions) and to provide a cold water bottle. Tegan insisted upon bringing it to Sara herself… After all, that would feel more personal.

This couldn’t be about her, she reminded herself. This was about Sara. This was Tegan trying to help the woman whose life she was personally responsible for destroying.

She took another deep breath as she knocked on the door, and waited for a full minute before knocking again. After another full minute, she slowly opened the door and frowned upon seeing that the curtains around Sara’s bed were drawn shut.

“Sara? Are you ok? I brought you something…” Tegan asked tentatively.

The curtains were drawn open to reveal Sara looking horrible. Her eyes were red and puffy; it was obvious that she had been weeping.

Tegan stood still for a moment in shock. The woman she idealized above other mortals... she was gone, replaced with this reality of Sara. “Hey,” Tegan said softly, moving past her hesitation. “I brought you some soup and some water… in case you were hungry or thirsty.”

Sara reached for the water bottled and chugged about half of it before setting it down to breathe. “Thanks… I could feel myself getting dehydrated, but I couldn’t make myself get up.” She replied, her voice sticking in her throat. “I just…” Sara shook her head, taking a shaky breath, not meeting Tegan’s eyes. “This seemed like the best choice… but there was no good choice. Regardless, I would have left them grieving, and I hate having hurt my family, and I… I can never see them again. This was final. But I’m still alive.”

If she were to think about it for a while, Tegan could have probably recalled seeing many humans at their worst, but it had never slammed into her the way this had. Seeing Sara completely break down hit her with the reality of her life now… Seeing her be so vulnerable… Tegan realized that Sara was nothing but human. She wasn’t a human who should have been a goddess; she was simply a human. Sara was bleeding with her enormous gaping wound, and the blood was red; not gold. Tegan wasn’t sure what she’d done; letting herself mentally build Sara up into something that she was not in order to justify having feelings for her. That rose-colored bubble was popped, and Tegan felt like she’d slipped on the residue.

“You should eat.” Tegan offered the bowl of soup to Sara, who slowly met her eyes as she took it into her own hands and ate a spoonful with a shaky hand. “If you want to be alone, let me know.”

“No… Stay,” Sara whispered. “I don’t know if I can be alone right now.”

Tegan nodded and sat down on the bed across from Sara. “What do you want to talk about? Or do you not want to talk?”

“Tell me a story.” Sara requested softly. She sounded so small and fragile…

“What kind?”

“Something happy.”

“That might not be easy…” Tegan warned sheepishly. “Everything I remember… Everything my parents told me… Geez, I’m gonna have to think about this. I mean… There’s one that is happy, even though…” She trailed off, building up her composure. “It’s about my… My brother.” Tegan swallowed. Her feelings on him were complicated. She hadn’t known him as Zagreus, but she had seen her mother cry over her lost son. He apparently couldn’t remember Persephone being his mother in another incarnation of his life and tended to avoid Persephone in order to protect her from the pain he knew he caused, but never intended. Every time he spoke to Persephone, she’d end up crying. Persephone often coped by turning her attention to Tegan. Ever since she could remember, this had caused her mother grief, but she was advised by her grandmother to never bring it up. She’d spoken to him, but she’d been scared to upset her mother. In the near two and a half thousand years she’d lived, she had never gotten the courage to ask to talk to him outside of the Summer and Winter Solstice, and even at the Solstice, she was afraid to approach him and have much of a conversation with him, especially after the humiliation of first time she’d tried to get his attention, calling him Zagreus. Why did she have to be such a coward?

“I’m sorry,” Sara said quickly. “You don’t have to tell me about that.”

“No, it’s ok. I just… I don’t really know him. I don’t know how to feel about my siblings. I don’t know them.” Tegan admitted. “But… he did get a happy ending. After he met his wife, it was practically love at first sight and they married and they’ve been pretty faithful and loving towards each other. He saved her, actually. Her name is Ariadne. After she helped Theseus defeat the Minotaur, they left Crete together, but he left her when she was asleep on the island Naxos. My brother found and rescued her, and that was that.”

“You must have wanted something like that when it came to the idea of having a consort.” Sara murmured softly.

Tegan’s heart fell. She was supposed to cheer Sara up, not make things worse. Why couldn’t there be happier stories in her family’s history?!

“Well, I still don’t know you that well, so maybe we can find a friendship better than love at first sight.” Tegan offered optimistically, smiling hopefully.

Sara met her eyes and a faint smile appeared as she exhaled. She was eating faster now, as opposed to the snail’s pace she had at first. If she’d brought back Sara’s appetite even just for this moment, Tegan would count that as an accomplishment.

“Do you want to vent about stuff right now?” She asked. “It… It helps more so than bottling things up. And if you want, I can call for Cerberus. He’s a sweetheart.”

“He slobbers a lot.”

“Yeah,” Tegan smiled fondly. “But what can you expect? A single dog can’t control its own drool, so how can you expect a three-headed dog to do any better?”

Sara smiled down into her soup, though the small bit of brightness in her face faded after a few seconds.

Tegan was unsettled by the silence, itching to fill it, but that probably wouldn’t help Sara.

“Part of me feels like everything that has happened is a ‘be careful what you wish for’ eternal punishment,” Sara admitted after several moments of them not speaking.

Tegan was confused. “What do you mean?”

“I’m… I’ve always been afraid of dying.” Sara confessed, refusing to meet Tegan’s eyes. “Ever since I was a kid and realized that all people die, that fact has suffocated me whenever I thought about it. I never really told anyone aside from initially running to my parents in tears… I’ve just tried not to think about it. Talking about it can make it worse because before all this happened, it was unavoidable. But now… It’s terrifying that I’m going to live forever with you. Regardless of what happens, we will survive. But the idea of infinite life is also overwhelming. I’m not going to lie though… It’s a relief that I don’t have to face my own death.”

Tegan didn’t know what to say to this, but apparently, Sara didn’t want to add anything to what she said, so they sat in silence for another few minutes where Sara didn’t eat or drink.

“I’m guessing you don’t have much of an appetite, do you?” Tegan asked, making a mental observation that Sara seemed to reject her bodily needs when she was upset.

Sara shook her head. “E—” She stopped, looking as though she was trying to swallow her feelings. “I mean… My best friend used to all but force feed me when I was upset over something. She… She always told me that I cut myself off from the rest of the world when I… When I need people most.” She muttered, staring at the covers of the bed.

More weight fell on Tegan’s shoulders. Sara was indisputably her responsibility because if it weren’t for here, Sara wouldn’t be there. So the devoir of making sure that Sara was taken care of fell to Tegan. She had to make sure that Sara was eating and drinking good food and water (even though they weren’t entirely sure yet what Sara truly needed, Tegan wasn’t willing to run any risks), that she had decent hygiene, slept, etc. Well, these were honestly things Sara needed to do for herself, but it was Tegan’s burden to keep an eye on Sara and assure that she had the means to fulfill each need. Tegan made her bed, she would lie and sleep in it every single night for eternity, and appreciate the companionship she was finally granted. She’d never had such an obligation before but had confidence in herself that she would do a great job with it. After all, she was a goddess, and a goddess could hardly do something poorly.

“I know you’re going to want your space and stuff… and feel free to tell me when you do, but I need you to know that I’m here for you, and if there’s anything you need or want, you can let me know and I’ll take care of it for you. And I’d like for us to be friends.” Tegan offered.

“Thanks,” Sara replied in almost a whisper. She began to consume the rest of her soup but didn’t make eye contact.

However, Tegan was rather irritated with the simplicity of that response and had to restrain herself from scowling. Tegan was trying to make the best of things and she was doing the best she could for her position.

“Do you want a hug?” Tegan asked, still feeling irked.

“No thank you… I’m not the biggest fan of affection.” Still no eye contact.

Tegan set her jaw and took a deep breath. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“Honestly? Well… I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I’d like some alone time right now. Thanks.” Sara looked up with a halfhearted smile.

Irritation simmered inside of Tegan. “Alright then.” She replied as she got off the bed and exited the room. It was harder than expected taking care of Sara. She knew what to say because she had read it in books and seen it on the television and in movies, but Tegan really couldn’t put herself in Sara’s position to be able to know what she would want because after all, Tegan had never experienced pain anywhere bad as Sara apparently was. Nor had she ever been much of a witness to such pain, aside from her mother weeping over Zagreus, though Tegan herself was usually the key to stopping those tears with almost no effort needed.

Tegan went back into her room and changed back into her chiton. She called for Cerberus and the two of them sat at her window seat together while Tegan tried to figure out something to do.

“Humans are confusing.” She informed him in the special voice she used for him. She alternated scratching heads; a pattern she had perfected over her centuries of existence. “You, a terrifying monster of the Underworld, are easy to understand. That’s why you’re my best friend, yes you are.” She grinned as he happily wagged his tail and all three of his heads panted happily.

She still found herself bored. Sara's arrival into the Underworld halted Tegan's interest in consuming as much media as possible. Sara was an intriguing new addition to the Underworld, which made all of Tegan's old pastimes seem dull in comparison. Even if Sara was only human, as Tegan recently realized (apparently no human was exempt from the faults of humanity), she still had thoughts and opinions that Tegan wanted to know; stories she wanted to hear. She was a lens into the modern day. Tegan somewhat understood things, but she'd be interested to know more and hear the perspective of someone who had previously only been a minuscule part of the world.

"Come along Cerberus, we're going to talk to Papa," Tegan informed her best friend. He perked up and trotted alongside her to the throne room.

She made no effort to look more presentable; she didn't need to. She could do what she liked in the Underworld. Well, she could on the surface, but to a lesser extent. And even lesser on Olympus.

"Papa, why are all humans the same?" Tegan asked as she traipsed into the throne room after seeing that Hades wasn't busy.

"Humans have humanity." Her father shrugged dismissively as he confirmed what Tegan already knew. "They can't help it. They aren't like us."

She smiled with satisfaction with a nod and sat down on the throne the way a lady shouldn't. "That's what I thought." She replied. "Is that why we no longer appear for them?"

"Unfortunately, yes. They began to ask us to prove our abilities over and over again, even though we had already shown them what we'd needed to. Really, all they had to do was ask the elderly the stories. But they began deciding that the legends about us were false. Unfortunately, you didn't get to be worshipped the way that the rest of us are because Zeus forbade us from revealing ourselves to humans before you came along."

"Why did humans stop believing us?" Tegan frowned.

"They are never truly satisfied. They will always want more. They want to know more, they want to do more, they want to learn more... but they don't realize how futile it is for them to be able to really live a worthwhile life. They can never achieve all they want because there will always be more. They are never finished." Hades let out a small chuckle.

"What they want always changes, too!" Tegan complained. "At one moment, they want one thing, and the next, they want the opposite."

"I take it you realized that Sara is just a human, my Citrine?" Hades smiled knowingly at her.

Tegan nodded once. "She's still grieving over the family she left behind... But I highly doubt humans feel anything that deeply. As I mentioned, things are constantly changing for them. But for us gods, we only change if we choose to, and we have the wisdom to know what to change and why."

Hades was quiet for a moment, but he seemed to want to say something, so Tegan waited.

"The grief your mother felt after your brother... That would have been bad enough on its own, but coupled with how distant Melinoe became once she found out the truth about herself... And your grandmother wasn't as helpful as she thought she was... I don't think your mother would have ever been able to get over the grief if it weren't for you, my Citrine." He murmured quietly. Tegan's mouth had fallen open in shock. She never heard this before. "No human could ever experience loss of that magnitude. My sweet Persephone felt the pain of a mother losing her children, whom she loved unconditionally, despite the horror that led to her having them... and to have the second blow be indifferent... It broke her. But you were a fresh start. You were our child. And I could not be prouder to have raised you with her. No mortal will ever understand your mother's pain. If they believed in her, they would likely think that it was inflicted by me, but I have only ever been the least bit unfaithful once, but your mother steered me back into the right direction. I had been lonely, but she reminded me that no matter how far apart we are, she is always with me." Hades’ faint smile was almost fond.

"I want a love like yours and Mama's one day," Tegan said with a sigh.

"I know, my Citrine, you've told us many times." Hades reminded her. "But you will one day find the woman for you. It may take time, but you will find the person you will love for your entire existence, I promise."

"Lord Hades." Ker entered the room.

Tegan jumped with surprise at hearing the hissing voice.

The goddess of violent death knelt in front of her rulers, but even the sign of respect made Tegan's skin crawl. Ker's skin was a ghastly grey, her hands were gnarled, and her body was as thin as a rail, even deathly boney, and in her red eyes always looked like she was pleased with something horrifying that had happened. The Keres, Ker's sisters, were minor goddesses of the Underworld, but Tegan hadn't known about them until she grew up. She was very sheltered, probably because if she'd been introduced to the Keres when she was young, she would have gotten nightmares. They still gave her nightmares when she first met them, and occasionally did haunt her dreams on the few occasions that she did sleep.

"Papa, I must go," Tegan whispered, standing up. Cerberus sat up at attention and followed Tegan out of the throne room. He was right by her side, with barely any room in between them, and his three heads were looking in different directions. The left one was watching Tegan, the middle was looking forward, and the right was watching the surrounding area for things that might scare or endanger Tegan.

The twosome made it to the garden, past the dining room, where they came across Sara shuffling along, holding her dirty dishes. Tegan’s eyebrows shot up.

“I didn’t think you’d leave th- _your_ room this soon, what with how you seemed to be feeling earlier.” Tegan blurted out, surprised.

It was still really obvious that Sara had been crying again; her eyes puffy and red. She looked tired, but her clothes had been changed into clean loungewear. Sara still seemed to insist upon wearing that large red zip-up sweatshirt with the hood up. Tegan couldn't imagine ever having to be that disheveled. The idea itself was almost disgusting. But at this moment, she just needed something to do in order to escape the feeling of listlessness that began to envelop her as she left the throne room. What better to distract her than spending quality time with the first woman to ever eat Tegan out, especially since Tegan was still attracted to her?

“Do… Would you care to play something in the game room with me?” Tegan offered, feeling stupidly timid. The Keres always made her feel small… She despised it. The Underworld was supposed to be the one place where _she_ was bigger than almost everyone.

Sara’s eyes were still tired and sad… And yet… “Sure, I’d love to.” She replied, despite sounding thoroughly exhausted.

Tegan exhaled, her facial expression falling into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to let me know what you thought, or some kudos, XOXO


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so sorry for the late update, I had a very very full weekend, as I had to move into college. But it's here now!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support so far, I hope you enjoy!!

Tegan was fun to game with, Sara decided. She hadn’t really prepared for how tough competition a literal goddess would be in Mario Kart. And Tegan might as well have been a human geek, with how skilled she was in the game; able to make it through Rainbow Road all three times without falling off the track or screaming expletives at the top of her lungs, unlike Sara.

“We gods just naturally have better hand-eye coordination and senses than humans could ever hope to have. Besides, I have so much time to practice.” Tegan shrugged. “I actually got bored with this particular game a long time ago because it became too easy for me, but I’m kind of rusty right now.”

Sara rolled her eyes, but otherwise ignored most of what Tegan said. “Anyway, we should probably work on our story for your family so we get it established and memorized and don’t fuck it up by constantly having to make shit up on the spot.”

“Oh, that’s actually a really good idea,” Tegan replied, nodding. “My relatives are really judgmental and because gods have such good memories, any inconsistencies, even in the details, are going to bite us in the ass.”

“In my experience with lying, it’s best if we keep things simple,” Sara advised. “And the simplest is the closest to the truth. The basic story is that we found ourselves at the same club in Vancouver, I saw you, was immediately intrigued, came over to start a conversation, and then we went back to my place to… Well, in this case, let’s call it ‘talk’.” When she saw Tegan blush, despite the dim lighting, Sara arched an eyebrow. It wasn’t surprising that Tegan was still attracted to her because Sara reciprocated that attraction. Well, physically anyway. There were few things that could put a damper on just how physically enticing Tegan was to Sara. Personality was a different story though.

At first, Tegan seemed sweet, despite the gothic exterior. She’d been easy to talk to, and if Sara had been willing to date, she would have definitely asked for Tegan’s number. Perhaps in another universe, where Tegan was merely a gentle and somewhat shy human woman, Sara could have maybe opened her heart and fallen in love with her… But that wasn’t the reality at hand. Instead, Tegan was a goddess, daughter of Hades and Persephone; orchestrator of autumn, and princess of the Underworld. Two and a half thousand years of building the unattractive attitude that Tegan assumed once she was within her own realm was probably going to be hard to get rid of. And Sara had to look past it if she even wanted to be _friends_ with her. But Sara had to suck it up. After all, she did have to spend forever with Tegan. For that to work, she was going to need lots of sleep, coffee, hobbies, and alone time.

“We should probably make it more romantic-sounding since we already decided on the love-at-first-sight narrative.” Tegan pointed out.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Sara agreed, nodding. “Do you have a room with a dry-erase board or something like that so we can map this shit out?”

“Yes, follow me.” Tegan led her into the hallway, bringing her into the throne room.

Sara felt awkward once she realized Hades was deciding the fate of a soul, but Tegan sashayed on through without any hesitation. Upon accidentally making eye contact with Thanatos, Sara forced what she hoped looked like a smile, but far more likely came out as a grimace, so she turned her gaze to her feet.

Apparently sensing this, Tegan paused for a second to place her hand on Sara’s back to guide her along and into what turned out to be a conference room, though this one was lit by various sources of fire, as opposed to leeching corporate fluorescent lights. Sara became even more grateful that she had a sunlamp in her room, once she was reminded of the alternative by seeing this. Tegan beckoned at the fire brazier that hung from the ceiling and the orange flames quickly grew white-hot. Then Tegan made a circular motion with her hand, and suddenly Sara could feel a breeze moving to encase the fire brazier in a spherical form.

“Hopefully that’ll prove to be a viable option for lighting rooms while preventing the temperature from becoming too much for you,” Tegan remarked. “Tell me if it gets too hot or cold so I can change the speed of the wind.”

“Will do,” Sara answered. She approached the whiteboard and picked up a marker to write up a timeline of them meeting with all of the basic events on it. At the very beginning was them going to the same club, and the end was Sara being banished to the Underworld by choice.

“Maybe we should change that last bit to you eating a pomegranate,” Tegan suggested. “It sounds better, plus it fits in with the tradition, you know?”

“Why not a peach? It goes along with the truth.” Sara offered a cheeky grin.

“Sara, come on,” Tegan was blushing again and practically squirming in her seat.

“Hey, it was a nice peach,” Sara smirked, but stopped teasing Tegan and wrote pomegranate. After all, she didn’t want to be too mean.

“Thanks.” Tegan’s voice was so soft that Sara could barely hear it.

She cleared her throat. “How about after we had ice cream, you bought me flowers or some shit,” Sara suggested. “That sounds nice and romantic.”

“Maybe some orange chrysanthemums? They represent death in a lot of European countries, so we have that inside joke to make the narrative funnier and easier to remember.” Tegan offered after thinking for a moment. "But to us, they mean golden flower, so nobody will suspect a thing."

“I like the way you think.” Sara grinned and jotted that down. For a moment she was reminded of Emy talking about how she learned the symbolism for different flowers so she could depict them in her paintings. She paused, briefly zoning out and let everything she did to her loved ones hit her like a ton of bricks yet again, and her grin faded, movements stilled, and she deflated.  _What’s done is done,_ She told herself. _You did something that hurt them, and your only options are to live with what you did or to fix it._ And ‘fixing’ it wasn’t possible. So now she just had to live with her doings. The pain of losing everyone and everything was still fresh, but she knew she could maybe be happy there in the Underworld. She’d have to take preventative measures against depression, but Sara told herself that she could do this. Because if she didn’t genuinely believe in herself, she’d fail. And an eternity of misery sounded like a terrible deal.

“Sara? Are you ok?” Tegan placed a hand on her shoulder.

Sara took a deep breath and turned towards her. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just… Thinking.”

Tegan nodded with understanding. “Don’t think about the things that make you sad… That’s what I do… How I survive in this life.”

“I’ll keep that advice on hand.” Sara murmured before clearing her throat. “What else should we add to this?”

“Um…” Tegan seemed worried about her but apparently got that Sara didn’t want to dwell; taking Tegan’s advice.  “Probably say that we went back to your place after I gave you flowers and we just kind of talked? And then eventually kissed and fell asleep together… Something unobjectionable like that.”

“Maybe if we keep it generic and boring, they’ll ask fewer questions,” Sara remarked.

“They’ll still pick it apart and try to find drama and anything even remotely scandalous… That’s just how my relatives are.” Tegan warned.

“Never thought I’d miss my family this much,” Sara muttered under her breath.

“Yeah… They’re not… ideal.” Tegan agreed.

Sara was a little surprised that Tegan heard her, but they were caught off guard by a knock at the door.

“Yes, Father?” Tegan turned towards the door as Hades entered.

“What are you two cooking in here?” He asked as he read the timeline on the board, which Sara stepped away from.

“Our story,” Tegan answered. “Any input?”

“I like it. Simple and believable.”

“Thank you, Papa.” Tegan smiled.

Sara raised an eyebrow. Apparently, Tegan was a bit of a Daddy’s girl.

“Yeah, that’s what I said we had to stick to,” Sara informed him, refusing to let Tegan the credit for this. “I know from my own experience with lying.”

“Good job, girls. But Sara, we do need to figure out who you are in this story.”

“What?” Sara looked at the god of the Underworld with confusion. “My part is: I came up to Tegan and talked to her in the bar because when we made eye contact it was love at first sight. I have my own life, so I don’t think we need to make shit up.”

“Allow me to put this lightly,” Hades said after a moment of almost looking pained to have to say this, “You’re a very… modern type of woman. This isn’t likely to mix very well with the other gods. We’re very old-fashioned when gathered together. Even if individually, some of us might be more open-minded, as a group, we are more conservative. So a strong-minded, outspoken, unapologetic gender non-conforming lesbian won’t be very well received in a gathering of us deities.”

“And I give a fuck because…?” Sara asked, crossing her arms. “With all due respect, I’ve given up my family and my life because you people told me I had to; I have a right to be myself. ”

“You can be yourself when you’re down here… When it’s just the four of us.” Tegan jumped in to assure Sara. “We all have to act a bit differently from who we really are when we’re at our family gathering. Don’t mortals generally have to do that too?”

“Well yeah, but this isn’t me waiting until I knew that my grandmother wouldn’t have a heart attack when I told her I was gay,” Sara replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “We’re already lying about being in love. I’m not holding back with my entire identity.”

“Sara, please just take one for the team,” Tegan begged. “These meetings only occur twice a year, and apart from our wedding, we won’t even have to see the family for more than a day at a time, and only every six months.”

“Wait, we’re actually getting married?” Sara furrowed her eyebrows and her shoulders stiffened. “I’m not doing that. Sorry, but it’s not happening.”

“We’ve already established that the two of you are expected to wed as to avoid impropriety. Haven’t you been listening, Sara?” Hades smiled tightly, looking uncomfortable at what he was getting roped into.

“Yeah, I have…. But I figured Tegan and I could just fake it… slap on a couple of rings, lie...  I don’t believe in marriage. Well, for me anyway. I figured out years ago that I don’t want to get married, so I’m not going to.” Sara’s voice held an icy edge as a warning.

“Demeter already knows about the two of you and wants to plan your wedding, so that won’t work. Another reason is that Hera would be furious if she weren’t the one to officiate it, and we don’t need to start any problems. The status quo is already upset by Tegan marrying you, a mortal woman.” Hades quickly explained.

“Yeah, no, I’m still not ok with the idea of getting married. And you can’t force me to. How are you do you expect to make me do something I don’t want to?” Sara braced herself to fight for this.

“We can talk about this later,” Tegan suggested with a sigh.

“The second I challenge you, it’s suddenly ‘we’ll talk about this later’,” Sara muttered. She was frustrated, especially with the emotional exhaustion of what she’d had to do. “Anyway, I’m going to my room. Please leave me alone until I come out on my own. I just don’t want to be around anyone for a while.” She set down the whiteboard marker and left for her room and bed. She didn’t really feel like it was hers though… It was Tegan’s and a loan; no denying that. She felt displaced because, well, she was. This wasn’t her world. She just got sucked into it. But she felt no obligation to give up more than she already had. It wasn’t fair. Tegan got to keep almost everything. But Sara couldn’t resent Tegan because that just wasn’t fair either. Things clearly weren’t fair, but that didn’t mean Sara had to go against her own code just because she was having a rough time.

Because Sara wasn’t in a good mood, she clearly had to put herself in a worse mood. Not by listening to angry and angsty music; no. She was tired of being mad at the situation. Instead, she felt like she needed to continue to punish herself for the pain she had brought to her family because witnessing Tegan and Hades act familial made her miss her own family. She knew that it was her fault that she had caused this pain for her loved ones; after all, she honestly didn’t have to leave them the way she had; it wasn’t necessary to leave scars that would never go away. So she checked up on each of her loved ones’ progress in with dealing with the grief of losing her, guilt and shame stabbing into her heart every second that went by. When she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore, she put down the telescope and simply sat still in the bed in silence, gaze trained forward, but her eyes not picking up on any information.

The room was still and quiet, the fire braziers the only source of light… Sara had turned off her sunlamp. She let out a breath, and it seemed to echo in the otherwise silence.

Did she deserve to ever be happy again? She didn’t know. She immediately felt remorse over playing Mario Kart with Tegan and messing around as they organized their story, as those let her escape the agonizing onus.

Tegan and Hades were trying their best to show that the Underworld wasn’t a prison for her… that Sara was free to do as she liked and to try to be happy… That happiness might be possible. And when Sara thought that it was ok to be happy, she stood up straight and refused to be anything other than her bitchy self. She thought because she had lost something, which she had given up in an unforgivable way, she was entitled to anything other than her basic needs. She could put on an act for other deities. It wasn’t like they asked her to do anything too terrible. And getting married wasn’t such a huge deal. Why was she making such a fuss about it? Besides, these people were the ones giving her a place to sleep, food to eat, things to do… and a way to be happy. But the latter was something Sara didn’t deserve; not after what she’d done.  

“Well, that’s that,” She murmured to herself, wondering how she was going to go about apologizing again and informing them that she budged on things she had proclaimed were non-negotiable.

Sara rested her elbows on her knees. Her stomach felt peculiar, so she held her head in her hands as her eyes burned with tears.

 _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._ These words echoed in her mind; regret stabbing into her and spreading throughout her entire body, the antidote to her pertinacity. Her limbs softened, and she laid back, feeling her strength leave her body through her figurative dagger wound.

Feeling like this made her want to torture herself further by thinking of Emy. Sara’s longest-lasting friend, since Ted was her brother and didn’t count. Emy was the person Sara loved most and best… The one Sara could tell anything. The one she could cry in front of. There were many memories of her falling asleep with her head resting on Emy’s lap. And with the softness and tenderness Sara reserved for Emy when they were alone together, Sara was also a fierce protector of her best friend, serving glares and always ready to cut off sentences or questions that clearly hadn’t been well-thought-out. And Emy always respected Sara’s space but was also good at guessing when Sara wanted or didn’t want to be alone. There had been times where Sara was in a mood, only to be brought out of it by Emy with some sort of dessert in hand, complete with two good shoulders for Sara to lean on as well as a set of ears to listen. Sara honestly couldn’t have ever asked for a better friend than Emy. And they had only been allowed five years for their friendship to blossom and flourish…

Sara let out another sigh. If only she’d had more time… And not just borrowed days and weeks… She longed for a real future with Emy. She knew it was impossible, but if she were to bring just one person down to the Underworld with her, she’d choose Emy. God, she missed her best friend.

There was a knock at the doorway and Sara sat up, slowly coming to her feet to go attend to whoever it was.

“May I have a moment to speak to you?” Hades asked, looking pulled together especially compared to the way Sara felt.

Externally she probably looked like she just needed a shower and some fresh clothes, but internally, she felt like an old sneaker. “Yeah, sure.” She replied, her shoulders slumped down.

“I worry that you don’t understand exactly why we need you to marry Tegan.” The Lord of the Underworld informed her, probably ready to give some long spiel. 

“No need to try to persuade me. I’ll do it.” Sara said, her voice flat. “And I’ll tone myself down. My one request is just to not wear dresses, skirts, or heels… I’m not good in those.”

Hades was taken aback by her quick 180. “Oh… Well… Thank you, Sara. We are grateful that you are willing to do such things for us. Remember, if you need anything at all, just let me or Tegan know.” He replied awkwardly, almost overcompensating.

“Yeah… Thanks.” Sara almost whispered, hoping he’d get the hint, and leave.

“I… I know this isn’t my place, but is there something you’d like to talk about?” He asked stiffly. “I’m not just some god… I am a father, you know. And I do know that this situation isn’t ideal… But I hope that we can all make the best of it. I look forward to getting to know you.”

Sara let out a sigh. “I just kind of want to stew in my own juices for now… But thanks for the offer… Also for everything in general. I really do appreciate it.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then.” Hades’ voice was softer and a lot gentler.

Sara mustered a smile as he left, before she sat down on a chair in the room and stared off into space, her mind having free reign, but from looking at her, nobody would have known that she was more than a mannequin, aside from the occasional blink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you guys liked it, feel free to leave me some kudos or just tell me what you thought! XOXO


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Can you believe this is the last thing i'm posting as a kid??? Gonna be an adult tomorrow B)
> 
> Thank you for all the support so far, it means a lot <3

Sara determined that if life was a game, she had lost. House always won, after all. No matter what one’s cards were, whether they had diamonds, clovers, spades, or hearts. Sara’s hand consisted of a four, seven, and king of spades, a two of diamonds, and a mocking ten of clubs.

In her nightmares, she saw Emy’s tearful face and heart-shattering sobs. Well, they weren’t so much nightmares as much as they were dreams that paralyzed her and left her feeling like wet cement that had been rained on upon waking up. Her paralysis wasn’t physical though. Rather, emotionally. She would lay in bed for hours, feeling exhausted, waiting for the moment she could fall back to sleep. She lost track of the number of days this went on for. Or perhaps it wasn’t even days. God, the Underworld was so easy to lose track of time in. Perhaps the sands simply moved slower for her.

Someone frequently left a tray with a plate of food and glass of water right outside her door, which she checked for whenever she finally gathered the energy to get out of bed. Sara could barely tell what she was eating half the time, but it seemed to be a lot of comfort food with healthy stuff thrown in.

She was lost in her emotions and stuck in a cycle of wallowing in her own negative feelings. It stuck to her like tar, and she couldn’t swim and barely kept afloat.

At one point, Sara found that there was no tray outside of her room. She felt a twinge of surprise, but her emotions felt like dreary molasses. She didn’t think the simple word ‘sad’ expressed her feelings. Above all, she felt hopeless. This stemmed from her guilt, grief, and listlessness. She no longer had a purpose. There was nothing she could work towards. Sure, there were things she wanted; she wanted her old life back. If she were to return, she would have been happy to work in a shitty restaurant and get dragged along with friend groups going out. She’d value the time stuck in lines at stores and watching commercials. Even the annoying parts of her modern life were bits she now cherished. But oh, the good parts… Shed valued those even more. Like sharing earbuds with Emy as they waited for something, speaking French with Ted in front of their parents to get away with talking about smoking weed or having sex, and the atmosphere of her university’s campus.

She couldn’t wait until she could re-experience the feeling of the sun on her skin, breeze blowing through her oversized T-shirt, the scent of a rainy day, and the adrenaline that came with a thunderstorm. Luckily, nature would still be there… That hadn’t been stolen from her, at least. But her time in the Underworld made her appreciate it more.

Sara closed her eyes, but she felt restless. She wasn’t hungry or thirsty. She was emotionally tired but not physically. She knew that she couldn’t just lay there forever. She’d grow bored, and she sort of was already.

Without bothering to change her clothes, Sara grabbed a black hoodie from her closet and emerged from her room and trudged out, arms hugging herself, her shoulders hunched forward. She hadn’t washed in a long time due to her disinterest in personal hygiene. She didn’t even really care where her feet carried her as she wandered around the halls of the Underworld. She avoided the courtyard because she’d feel exposed out there, even though the sky was earth.

She found herself arriving at the library. It was fantastic, and she knew that it would take an eternity to read everything in there. Not that she was necessarily planning on doing any reading for now, but she just wanted to be surrounded by books. They felt safe, simple. All books had a beginning, middle, and end. Besides, she could get lost between the shelves and almost feel like she was somewhere else. The windows showed a false image of a beautiful day outside, with trees, grass, and a breeze. The lie comforted Sara. If the windows were within reach of the floor, she’d touch the glass as she stared out. But she was alright basking in the artificial sunlight. She hadn’t been using her sunlamp, which she knew wasn’t good, but it wasn’t like she currently cared too much about what was or wasn’t good for her.

She was half surprised when she came across a music collection. There were vinyl records, cassette tapes, CDs, music boxes, as well as books bursting with sheet music. She found herself in the B section of the vinyl records and realized she had subconsciously been searching for _The Kick Inside_ by Kate Bush; an old favorite. She tentatively pulled it, holding the case in her hands. She looked around to find an old-fashioned gramophone in the corner. Sara never thought she’d be playing Kate Bush’s ‘Wuthering Heights’ on a fucking gramophone, but there she was. The distorted reflection of her in the polished metal horn looked horrible. But Sara needed to listen to this record before doing anything. She didn’t even know if it would give her any sort of peace or satisfy any sort of hunger inside of her… But she did it anyway. Apparently, she now did stuff without consciously thinking too much about it, but what else was she supposed to do? Curl up in a ball on the floor and simply lay there until she felt better? She certainly wanted to, but she needed to do something with herself.

She stood, staring vacantly at the record spinning as the music played. She didn’t really change her stance when the song finished, just lifted the needle. She’d only wanted to hear one song. But she didn’t want to put the record back because somehow doing so would make her feel like a failure. It was irrational, sure, but Sara couldn’t tell that part of herself to shut up using logic. She simply didn’t have the energy.

“I didn’t know you liked Kate Bush,” Tegan’s voice said softly from behind her.

Sara was dully startled.

“Yeah.”                                                   

“Did you grow up listening to her, or did you discover her yourself?” Tegan asked, stepping into view in front of Sara, who cast her eyes down, limiting her view to Tegan’s sandaled feet and pale legs covered in dark brown hairs.

“My mother was a fan,” Sara replied softly. “I really liked her when I was little. I think I had a crush.”

“I think we all have someone like that because little kids have crushes. I certainly did. Aphrodite… No matter how she chooses to appear, she could tell me to do anything for her, and I would. Sometimes she chooses a form that the person she’s talking to is most attracted to, but usually, she’ll go through phases of how she wants to appear.” Tegan shrugged. “I rarely change my physical form. Well, I changed it a lot when I was an adolescent because I was unsure of myself. But now… I feel like this just fits me. I think, the longer I’ve existed as a goddess, the less I’ve cared about adjusting my physical appearance. Perhaps that’s because I connect with mortal souls more so than the others because the Underworld is full of them. And humans can’t change their appearances. But they can change who they are inside, they can change what they think is their purpose. We gods know our purposes, and we will always have that.” Tegan rambled. Sara looked up to meet her eyes and found Tegan almost anxiously keeping her eyes on Sara.

“I feel like I’ve lost myself,” Sara admitted, tired of feeling so alone. There was a lump in her throat, and her eyes began to sting the way they did before she started crying. “I…” She struggled to form coherent words, but she felt like the sadness inside of her was crushing her ability to speak. “I lost everything that made up my life, and now I have no purpose, no ambition… nothing. I’ve lost what made me alive. I feel like I’m dead.” For a second it felt like she was falling, but then she was wrapped in Tegan’s cool arms. She still fought back her tears, hoping to regain composure, but she couldn’t help it and just let the floodgates open and cried.

Tegan might not have been Sara’s ideal type person, but at least she was there and understood that Sara didn’t have anybody else.

“You’ll find yourself again,” Tegan promised. “That part of you might have just gotten confused and lost inside of you. You’re not dead. I’ve spent thousands of years with both immortals and the dead, and you’re closer to the former than the latter. You just need to find your feet again.”

“I feel like I have no legs,” Sara whispered. God, she felt so hopeless.

“Maybe they’re just broken.” Tegan offered. “You don’t have to do this alone. I know that you’re the first mortal to be put in this exact position, but we’re with you. You are absolutely not alone, regardless of how it may feel.” Tegan peeled Sara off herself just enough to lead her to a couch. The former sat down and gestured for Sara to sit with her.

So Sara just cried into Tegan’s embrace until she felt like a damp rag that had been wrung out. Tegan hadn’t spoken since before they’d sat down, but Sara couldn’t find any answers within, so she looked to the goddess who had been alive for hundreds upon hundreds of years.

“You’re probably dehydrated,” Tegan remarked, and summoned a spirit of the dead, and ordered a pitcher and cup of water without saying please. Sara was too exhausted to try to do anything about this, and merely drank the water from the glass that was pressed into her hands.

“I broke my family’s hearts. I… I can’t believe I did that.” Sara muttered, staring at the empty cup.

“Sara, please, please: do not blame yourself. We are the ones who asked you to do such a thing. We essentially made you do it. Don’t force yourself to carry this burden. It’s consuming you because there’s nothing you can do about it now, so you’re just running in circles. Let me and my parents carry the weight for you. Let yourself be freed.” Tegan placed a hand on Sara’s shoulder.

This sounded like a beautiful fantasy, but Sara knew that it wasn’t realistic. She wasn’t sure when she would be able to move past this, short of simply forgetting. It was like a ball and chain shackled to her ankle, which she had to attempt to drag behind her, but wasn’t strong enough to move on; only tripping and falling each time she tried. She only had scrapes to show for trying to move on. She couldn’t just unlock it and leave it behind. She wasn’t sure of the combination to the lock, and she knew that there was no key. So she couldn’t just let someone else carry the weight for her… It would still be there. Even if it was nothing to them, she would still remember that it was there. Besides, she had to be independent, or else she wasn’t sure how she could live with herself.

“I can’t.” She whispered.

“Why not? You’ll be happier.” Tegan asked, confused. “Wouldn’t it just be easier?”

“Yes, it would be easier... But sometimes when you think you’re taking a shortcut, you just make it harder for yourself. This is mine to deal with. Thank you for offering, but I can’t just have someone else bear this for me.” She replied, her voice a low rasp.

“At least talk about it… That’s something that’s supposed to help, I think…” Tegan urged her.

“I’d like to ask your father something, please.” Sara requested.

“Of course,” Tegan promised. Her voice was tender and gentle, like the way Sara imagined a spring cloud would feel if it was solid enough to lay upon. “Come on, I’ll take you now if you want.”

“But isn’t he probably busy right now?” Sara asked. “I mean, he has to run this entire place…”

“I’m the princess down here. I do what I want, and because you are my company, you do get to enjoy some of the privileges that I have. And one of those is being able to speak to my father whenever I wish.” Tegan sounded rather high and mighty, but Sara didn’t have the energy to mentally criticize Tegan, especially when she, herself, didn’t actually want to have to wait.

Tegan summoned a spirit and ordered him to let her father know that she was coming. Her rudeness when dealing with these spirits always struck a nerve with Sara, as she was reminded of the way people treated her and her coworkers in the service industry. Of course, she did know that they were being punished for misdeeds in life, but this was simply a reflex. Her real philosophy was that they deserved punishment until they understood why they had done wrong and then had made up for it, but she wasn’t the one who ran the Underworld.

She was surprised by Tegan taking her hand and leading her to the throne room. She was reminded of how she really didn’t know her way around the palace, after spending so much time hiding from everything else in her room. That would change eventually, she promised herself.

“You wished to speak with me, my daughter?” Hades was sitting in his throne, looking more like a loving father despite the intimidating ‘Lord of the Underworld’ attire and setting. Sara imagined Tegan as a small child running into the throne room in the middle of important affairs and Hades interrupting them for her. It was a necessary and wholesome image.

“Actually, Sara is the one who wished to speak with you, not me,” Tegan explained. She turned to Sara. “Would you like to be alone?”

“Um, yeah… Thanks for asking.” Sara answered, her voice soft.

Tegan paused, probably expecting Sara to answer but resumed her pleasant expression. “Alright Papa, if Sara wishes, send for me when she’s ready.” Tegan smiled and strode out of the throne room, not seeming to have a care in the world.

A moment of quiet passed, and Hades didn’t say anything, only looked at Sara.

“She seems happier with her life surrounded by death than most humans surrounded by life,” Sara remarked. “Your family seems happier than any I’ve ever met.”

“Tegan made it that way,” Hades explained, getting up from his throne. “Come, Sara, a walk around the front courtyard may do you some good.” He offered his arm, which Sara took after a moment of hesitation.

“She told me what happened to her mother… your wife.” Sara remarked, her eyes cast down. “I… I’m so sorry.”

“She’s recovered,” Hades said softly. “It’s been a long several thousand years. I’m sure you know what not to mention, using common sense?”

“Yes, sir,” Sara replied with a nod.

“You can just call me Hades… There’s no need for formalities. After all… We’re going to be stuck with each other.” He gave her a tired smile. “So what did you wish to talk about?”

“I wanted to know how you judge the dead and their sins,” Sara informed him.

“What you’ve done is eating at you, yes?”

Sara nodded.

“Well… I only see either the best or the worst people. It’s not always clear-cut how to judge what they have done. You see, there are three ways of me judging their lives: based off of their own morality, the ethics of the people they lived with, and my own personal morality. For most good people, it’s simple. If they do something such as save someone else’s life or dedicate at least a large part of their lives to helping other people because it’s the right thing to do, or because they want to, I reward them. People who feel obligated, and don’t truly want to help others are more complicated. Then I must decide between judging them for their intentions or the results, which I often have to apply to most others anyway.”

“How do you decide between the two?” Sara asked.

“On the other side of the spectrum of good and evil, a lot of times, in cases where someone has killed others, I look at intentions, because there are vigilantes for when the law fails. But good intentions don’t always produce good results. For example, history has seen people trying to better their country by ridding it of a certain group of innocent people. Of course I’m going to punish those who do such things.”

“What about the people who do bad things because others force them, or because they’re backed into a corner?” She had no shame in asking questions that they both knew were related to herself because that was the entire reason they were having this conversation.

Hades grimaced, looking regretful. “That requires context. If there is no other choice, I grant the person mercy. If they don’t know better or don’t know what they’re doing, then I grant them mercy. And the lesser of evils does count as having little to no choice.”

“How does one atone for something bad they’ve done? Like, if someone realizes that they…” Sara’s voice broke but she cleared her throat, “that they did something horrible… and tries to make up for it, then what does it take for them to be forgiven for the crime?”

“Well, a simple apology doesn’t really work in my eyes. Pretty words do little to rectify things. I more listen to action. If a good person does something bad, like deeply hurt another, but raises money for the poor, I would still hold them accountable for what they’ve done to hurt that person. Just because one is good in one area but isn’t good in one area doesn’t mean that they’re unable to be criticized for doing something terrible. However, if a person makes a mistake, changes, and even puts more good into the world, then I forgive them.” Hades brought Sara to a stop and turned and faced her, meeting her eyes with his own. “Sara, you didn’t do something evil. Yes, the results of your actions hurt those you love… We asked you to fake your death in that way. Yes, you chose to do it, but not of your own free will. We asked you to do it. We explained that we would organize it for you. You were trying to do the best thing you could. That isn’t wrong. You aren’t undeserving of love or happiness. You lost your family, your life. What you are experiencing is grief. Because there was room for guilt, that is how your anguish manifested. It let you feel like you were in control and that you could gain some sort of responsibility for this.”

Sara’s tears made a reappearance. “I chose to do this to them, though. I didn’t have to.”

“Yes, you did. We took away your control over everything, and in you losing everything, you found the one place that you could find control, and withheld your own sorrow from yourself, because at least you could control how you thought of losing your entire family.” Hades corrected her calmly.

Growing overwhelmed upon finding out what the true poison in her system was, and that it offered hope of an antidote, made Sara fear losing hold everything she had previously held dear. If she clung to her sorrow, she couldn’t let go of them. Mum. Dad. Ted. Emy. Rob… If she healed from her grief, she would have moved on from those whom she previously loved and ran the risk of forgetting. The idea that she might made her panic, and she began to hyperventilate.

Hades placed gentle hands on her shoulders, grounding her. He hushed her gasping until she fell into soft sobs, hot tears rushing down her cheeks.

“I can’t lose them.” She whispered. “If I stop grieving over them, I’ll move on and forget. I can’t…”

“Stop punishing yourself for even thinking of moving on,” Hades said, interrupting her. “Moving forward isn’t the same as forgetting. You love them, and they will always be a part of you. And when they come to the Underworld, you can see and speak to them again. You don’t have to leave them in the past.”

“Everything is my fault.” Sara protested. “I’m the one who… who got myself stuck down here. They’re hurting because of me.”

“Sara, you need to stop blaming yourself for all of these things that aren’t your fault,” Hades explained gently. “None of this is your fault.”

“You’re just saying that to comfort me,” Sara muttered.

“Perhaps you do need to forget everything… Just for a little while.” Hades remarked, withdrawing his hand from Sara’s shoulder. “Come along. I have a chamber called the Morphine room. I asked for it as a favor from Morpheus, for my wife. That way she wasn’t being crushed by the weight of everything that happened to her all of the time.”

“Wait, like the drug?” Sara furrowed her eyebrows.

“No. I’ll show you, and then I’ll explain, and then you can decide for yourself,” Hades replied. He led her through the palace, up sets of stairs, through hallways, until he finally came to a door in a hall of many other doors. He placed his hand flat onto the door, and it opened. Inside it was night, but completely silent. It was dark, but there was grass and a thick carpet of poppies coated the ground. The room was extremely large and circular. The ceiling was a dome with stars.

“Oh, wow,” Sara muttered.

“If one lays on the ground, they will fall into dreams that will soothe their pain, and they can forget about it,” Hades explained. “The poppies will keep you resting. But while you will eventually rise from their dreams, someone else should wake you, otherwise, you could be here for dangerous amounts of time and grow addicted.”

“How could one grow addicted to dreams?” Sara wondered aloud.

“One who needs to be free from reality,” Hades replied softly. He sounded sad and looked to be recalling difficult times, which made Sara look down at her shoes. “Would you like to go in for a while and lay down? You will shut your eyes, but it will not be rest. In fact, you will feel like you have the things in the dreams. It adds to the reality of it. If you like, I can call Thanatos to watch over you while you rest.”

“I’d like to try it… But I want to be pulled out after ten minutes so I can decide if I want to dream for longer.” Sara decided. “But…” She shifted her weight, feeling awkward. “I’m kind of still afraid of Thanatos?”

Hades smiled sympathetically, placing a hand on her shoulder again. “I know first impressions can be difficult to overcome, but please give Thanatos a fresh start. He does his job well and is much like my brother. Tegan looks to him as an uncle, and they adore each other. He is a very warm person once you get to know him.”

“I guess I look forward to getting to know him then.” She replied, still unsure, but willing to trust Hades and Tegan.

“Allow me to reintroduce you. He’s actually much like Cerberus in their demeanor towards outsiders. If they see you as a part of the family, perhaps you’ll have a better impression.” Hades suggested.

“… Ok.” Sara agreed, with some hesitation.

Hades whistled down the hallway. After a long pause, Cerberus came bounding from the direction in which Hades whistled and quickly sat at the god’s feet patiently, all three heads looking for orders. “Fetch Thanatos. Go.” The canine took off in the direction he came.

“Ok, now he seems nice.” Sara pointed out, jokingly.

Hades chuckled. “He’s not always that way. Just around the family and especially Tegan.”

“I suppose I can relate,” Sara admitted. “I’m not too fond of people outside of those I specifically enjoy being around, who are generally my loved ones.”

“Most of us are like that.” Hades offered. “Let me know if there is anything at all you may need in order to feel free to be yourself down here. I sense that you are holding back on presenting the real you. I may not know your reasons, but we are ready for whenever you wish to unabashedly be yourself. You don’t have to present a fake image of yourself on account of us.”

Sara was taken aback and stared at him, a confused look painted on her face.

“I know humans pretty well. Besides, when we first encountered you, you blew up in anger at the situation. You don’t have to act like you’re walking on eggshells.” He explained.

She looked down at the ground. “I’m different now.” She said stiffly.

Hades placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. It was comforting, but Sara wished she could be pulled into Emy’s arms for a hug, in which she would feel like everything was alright, just for a moment or two. But a hand on her shoulder was a form of physical contact with another person, even if it was on top of her sleeve. She couldn’t stop herself from adopting a ghost of a grateful smile to her face, but she wasn’t sure if it was clear what she was trying to communicate, but she just couldn’t articulate any words.

“Lord Hades,” The voice of Thanatos said in a respectful greeting.

“No need to call me that in front of Sara. She is part of our family now.” Hades replied. He placed his hand on Sara’s back and lightly pushed her forward towards the god of Death. “I’m going to reintroduce the two of you as to create a fresh start.” He turned towards the other god, “Thanatos, this is Sara, my daughter’s non-romantic fiancée. She was accidentally banished to the Underworld, and she will be a part of our family from now on. And Sara,” He turned back towards her. “This is Thanatos, my right-hand man and uncle to my daughter.”

“Pleased to meet you.” Thanatos bowed before extending a hand to Sara to shake.

“Nice to meet you too.” Sara replied, unsure of if this would really change things.

“Thanatos, I must attend to my duties. I shall have my Furies and Keres take your place, while you watch over Sara as she rests in the Morphine chamber. I shall be going now.” Hades gave Sara a reassuring smile before striding off.

“Um… So… I’m going to admit I’m not adjusting that well to being down here.” Sara said after a moment. “And… I just need some time to be happy, even if it’s not reality. I’d like ten minutes to try it out in there, will you wake me up after that? I want to decide if I like it enough to go back in.”

“Of course. And if you go back, and I feel you’ve been in there long enough, I reserve the right to wake you up.” Thanatos promised.

“Yeah, that works.” Sara nodded, noting the last part. But she didn’t think too much of it. She just wanted to live in a world away from what she was stuck with.

She looked over her shoulder into the room, cautiously approaching the doorway. The fragrance of the poppies was enticing, and she found herself growing tired, and the tension falling from her body as she found her way to the center of the room, where she lay down, surrounded by the red flowers. Their sweet perfume begged her to shut her eyes and relax, so she did. At some point, she no longer felt the cool stems and dirt against her body; just warmth and coziness.

Sara found herself waking up in bed next to Emy. Her best friend was a week into recovery after having surgery, so Sara was staying over to help take care of her. Emy’s parents had been there as well to provide support, but they had taken the pull-out couch, so Sara had volunteered to share the bed with Emy, as opposed to taking the floor. Though, Emy’s parents had left the night before, but Sara hadn’t felt a need to change sleeping arrangements.  She honestly didn’t mind sharing a bed, even though she would never admit it to anyone. Perhaps one day Emy would discover the secret if she hadn’t already, and they would have more affectionate sleepovers.

As she carefully sat up, she stared at Emy’s face, a loving smile carving itself onto Sara’s features. She lightly ran her fingers through Emy’s messy morning hair. It was smooth and soft, like always. She gently freed a lock of it, and once she was sure that she wouldn’t wake her best friend up, began to braid a section it. Sara felt happy where she was, which wasn’t always easy for her to be self-aware of, but because getting surgery was something Emy had wanted for a long time and was thrilled about finally happening, a mood that was rather contagious.

“Having fun?” Emy asked playfully, her voice scratchy, once Sara had completed the little braid

“You bet.” Sara replied, grinning back. She hadn’t been startled by Emy being awake, due to having seen the telltale signs of her waking up.

“Mmm… my breath is revolting.” Emy made a face, smacking her lips.

“You can have the bathroom once I’m done. While you’re in there, I’ll make breakfast.” Sara lightly patted Emy on the cheek before getting out of bed and gathering a sports bra that she only wore because it was comfortable and not because she exercised and some socks. Her toiletries were already in the bathroom.

“Don’t burn the French toast!” Emy warned as Sara walked to the kitchen after vacating the bathroom.

“Oh, so I’m making French toast for you?” She grinned.

“Only if you promise not to burn it.”

Sara didn’t end up burning the French toast, and in fact, thought she had actually done a pretty good job. There was plenty ready for Emy when she came to have breakfast with Sara. So the two of them dug in together, not necessarily needing to talk, though funny faces were always a joy when sharing a meal.

“I guess you hated it, huh?” Sara remarked jokingly as she gestured at Emy’s plate, empty from the food having been scarfed down.

“Totally,” Emy replied, grinning. “I’m getting some fruit salad because I don’t want scurvy.”

“I’ll have some too, I guess.” Sara decided.

Emy quickly gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze before going to the refrigerator. She placed the bowl of fruit salad onto the table, merely pulling back the plastic wrap, the two of them going at it with just their forks, not caring about germs. Sara was the only one who really came over at the time, as Emy hadn’t wanted to be stressed out by a relationship when getting the surgeries she had planned. And Sara never really found someone she was interested in, so they were single together, just letting their friendship grow and flourish.

After breakfast, Emy went by herself to attend to personal issues, and Sara cleaned up after breakfast. She selected a channel on TV and opened her laptop to go on social media at the same time as watching the program she’d settled on.

Time flew without Emy, and Sara smiled again when Emy finally joined her.

“Sara.” A masculine voice said her name, and she got the sensation that she was being shaken...

Suddenly, she was hit by reality coming back. She was jolted awake by the scent that invaded her nose, and she shot up to a sitting position. Bleary-eyed, she looked around. Everything quickly came back to her: it was a couple years later from when Emy had received that particular surgery. Things hadn’t gone exactly like the way they had in the dream. But not that Sara minded the deviation from history for her mind… The things that had been different were pleasant. But she was in the Underworld because she had been accidentally banished there… that was reality. But the fantasy was so much better.

“Are you alright?” Thanatos knelt over Sara. “You were having trouble coming out of the dream state…”

“I’m good,” Sara assured him. She sat up, and bowed her head, hiding her sad smile. “I enjoyed the dream.”

“What was it like?” Thanatos didn’t sound interested, so much as seeming to need to check for something.

“I was with my best friend, at a specific time, when we really grew closer. Um… It didn’t happen the way I remember it.” Sara replied. “It was still happy, if not better.”

“The poppies search your memories and essentially build on what is already there,” Thanatos explained. “They also use your emotions, regrets, desires… Even if you don’t realize them yourself or forgot. Each time one returns to them, the poppies give them more of what that person wants, improving each time. The dreams they provide are rather addictive… They are the ultimate escape from reality. More time passes in the dreams than it does in reality. I know you’ve had to deal with unfair displacement, and that this can help. But remember: this room can be addictive.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sara said though she wasn’t being genuine. In fact, she had plans to return, because her heart was no longer weighed down by guilt and grief. This would make interaction with others so much better. They wouldn’t be concerned about her anymore. So, she would do what it took to feel better, since facing them all the time exhausted her. But she couldn’t be that way around others because she had a wedding to plan and relationship to fabricate.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to let me know what you think and/or leave some kudos. XOXO


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry if you didn't see, but I will be changing the update schedule to every 4 weeks. HOWEVER! this is a nice long 8,000+ word chapter so I hope it's worth the wait~
> 
> Content Notes: Reference to Zeus being a rapist and suffering no consequences, alcohol consumption

Tegan was relieved upon seeing that Sara was no longer wandering around lost and sad all of the time. She’d seen enough of that with the souls of the dead. Things had immediately improved after Sara and Hades talked, which Tegan prided herself on. She had given Sara what she needed, and now she was ready to move on with things.

When Sara was around and not attending to human needs (eating, bathing, etc.), she and Tegan would just sit around, getting to know each other, and establish a dynamic for their façade as a romantic couple. So far, they would be rather affectionate, as to support their lie about being deeply in love and unable to be without each other. They would use all sorts of pet names, but as to fit in better, they would use ones that were common in Greek.

“So essentially, the rule is to say ‘my’, and then fill in with the most beautiful or precious thing you can think of?” Sara concluded, upon sensing the pattern with ‘my golden one’, ‘my eyes’, ‘my beloved’, and the others Tegan had given as an example.

“Essentially,” Tegan answered. Hearing Sara simply saying those terms of endearment was making her slightly nervous, but in a pleasant way.

“And you’re sure I don’t have to learn Greek?” Sara asked, crossing her arms, and sitting back against the couch they were situated on. Sara was sitting in the corner, her feet propped up, almost like she was hiding behind her knees. She looked rather unsure about everything. Tegan smiled internally… Sara was cute when she didn’t have that spark of confidence but either way, Sara was attractive, and she wanted this to be real, so bad. However, Tegan didn’t want to open that can of worms at this time… she would just be in the moment with Sara and get as close as she dared.

“It depends… how good are you at languages?” Tegan replied, studying Sara’s face.

“Terrible.” Sara quipped, her face dead serious. “I mean, I slogged through French, but the only reason I got a decent grade was that I needed to get into a good college, and my brother and I used it in front of our parents because they had no idea what we were talking about. I don’t have such motivation now.”

“Then it’s ok, you don’t have to bend over backward to learn another language for my family. Just learning who everybody is and knowing the family tree should be enough.” Tegan assured her. “Technically, I’m not speaking English right now, and but you understand me as speaking English because when we gods speak, it automatically translates to the language people expect to hear... unless we decide we don’t want people understanding. So, like I said, learning another language isn’t entirely necessary.”

Sara looked at Tegan for a minute. “But why do your lips line up exactly with everything you say if you’re not speaking English?”

“I’m a god. I can literally change my physical form. Or maybe you’re not looking hard enough.” Tegan replied after a moment. She felt a little stumped. “Also, you know that I can be in multiple places at once? I’d think gods are too complicated to apply questions like that.” Such a small question sent Tegan scrambling to stay looking impressive. Well… if it was possible for her to be impressive. Tegan often felt like it wasn’t.

“I have no idea how my fingernails have grown since arriving here,” Sara remarked. “This also means my hair is growing out so thankfully, I don’t have to live with this same fucking haircut forever. I like it, but not that much. But like I said, the details of my banishment are confusing as fuck.”

“Papa told me how your banishment works because I was confused about it since Mama’s is so different,” Tegan said, pleased she had knowledge that Sara didn’t and would likely want.

“Ok, explain it to me then.” Sara cocked her head expectantly, folding her arms.

“So, um, basically the idea of the banishment was for my father to hold prisoners here, regardless of whether the being was a human or a god. It cannot be undone, as it was meant to keep those inflicted with banishment from leaving. It was to be the highest tier of punishment for those who had committed evil and had not passed on yet. While you cannot age or die, the banishment allows your body to constantly regenerate. So your hair and fingernails will grow. You can fall ill, but you will recover no matter what. It was designed that way so that the person could be tortured. But my father never needed it.” Tegan shrugged upon saying the last sentence.

“I would argue that plenty of living people have proved to be complete monsters and that he should have used this banishment to punish them and ensure that they couldn’t hurt nearly as many people as they did,” Sara informed Tegan in an almost deathly calm voice. She almost sounded like she was accusing them of something.

Tegan’s gut dropped. “W-well, it was put in place back when the gods were far more involved with humanity than they ended up being. By the time I was born, there was a strict rule not to interfere in the world of humans that had been in place for a long time. My father also cannot use banishment for a god unless others the other gods vote and the majority say yes.”

“Why was the rule put in place?” Sara asked, eyebrows furrowing as she seemed to be trying to understand. Her voice no longer sounded terrifyingly calm.

“The number of humans was multiplying quickly, and the gods could no longer try having relationships with them because it wasn’t fair. The gods couldn’t try to satisfy everyone; nor could they just pick and choose. So they voted and decided to not alter the course of humanity. They give us our power, but we are not allowed to reveal ourselves or anything like that.” Tegan explained.

“So why do you go to clubs and have one-night stands?” Sara inquired, hugging her sweatpants-clad legs.

Tegan felt a twinge of guilt with that likely-subconscious action but answered anyway. “In all honesty, I get bored down here. Can you imagine spending two and a half thousand years down here?”

“Oh, god no,” Sara said, horrified.

“Yeah… I need to get out. So sometimes I go out and wander around the human world because I don’t always want to go to Olympus because I feel like an outsider. I do get lonely though. I like the connection of talking to people… and sometimes when I meet an interested woman whom I’m attracted to…” Tegan trailed off, feeling her cheeks grow warm with slight embarrassment, though it was stupid, especially since Sara had reciprocated that attraction and interest, so there was no reason to feel that way.

“I think I get it… But can you please promise me that we’ll get out of here once everyone knows we’re engaged? You talking about living down here for hundreds upon hundreds of years is making me kind of antsy and claustrophobic.” Sara requested, voice slightly strained.

“Yeah, of course. We’ll go out on vacations and stuff as much as you want.” Tegan promised. “We can do pretty much anything together. And you won’t even have to worry about being recognized. I’ll take care of everything.”

“Will we have to pretend to be a couple? I mean… Will others be watching?” Sara asked concern on her brow.

“The other gods? I mean… the real question is why they would want to. They don’t pay attention to the human world, except if something out of the ordinary is happening. Like, if I were to do something like reveal myself to a human, they would feel it because that sort of thing affects us.” Tegan wrinkled her nose at the thought of doing something that stupid, but then remembered what they were talking about and resumed her neutral facial expression. “But anyway, I doubt it. My consciousness is usually in multiple places, and a human is too insignificant for them to really bother following.”

“That’s a relief… I mean, no offense.” Sara muttered.

“None taken,” Tegan replied reluctantly.

“It’s just… If the only place I can actually be myself is down here, then this whole banishment thing really will feel like I’ve been cursed.” Sara continued, staring off into space intensely. “I mean… I do use my sunlamp, but I don’t know if it’s enough.”

Tegan lowered her eyes from Sara to the floor, letting those words hang in the silence. Of course, a mortal human couldn’t be happy living in the Underworld. Though, Tegan wondered if anyone who wasn’t part of the Underworld would be able to be happy there unless they lived in Elysium. To rule the Underworld was to head it, so perhaps once they were married, things would change for Sara because she would be married to the princess. However, for selfish reasons, Tegan was both excited for and dreaded the day of their wedding even though it would likely wait until January; just under seven months. While this marriage would be rather final, meaning that they wouldn’t be allowed to get divorced or publicly take any other lovers, Tegan was relieved that she wouldn’t be alone anymore. While she had almost everything else she wanted, she had grown up without companionship. She was the youngest goddess and there had been nobody for her to relate to. This hadn’t been a problem for her parents or Thanatos. But while Sara’s life wasn’t exactly relatable to her own, they did have things in common, and she was a friend to talk to, which Tegan didn’t even have with her siblings.

However, to pretend that Tegan only desired to be friends with Sara would be hiding from the full truth, which was that Tegan was a hopeless romantic and had not yet gotten over Sara. Honestly, Tegan hadn’t applied much effort, and despite Sara being a simple human, Tegan still wanted to be around her and to kiss her. It didn’t help that the night that had landed them in this situation had been the best she’d ever had in bed with someone. There was a part of Tegan that hoped that their relationship would change; fueled by all the times her parents did their best to grant her way, but the realist in her still clouded the happy fantasy because despite being a princess and a goddess, Tegan still had a shadow of a dark past attached to her life.

“The solstice is in a couple of days, so once that is over with, we can travel together.” Tegan offered. “It would be wisest to go to Europe, though. North America is not a good idea for a while.”

“I’ve actually always wanted to see Europe, but never got to go before,” Sara replied, turning to look at Tegan again, a sliver of a smile forming. “Emy and I…” Sara stopped, frowning again. “Um… My best friend and I wanted to travel together. She wanted to go to art museums and let them inspire her. I wanted to visit the graves of some of the greatest writers ever and see old and beautiful cities.”

“I can still take you to do that.” Tegan found herself saying. She was both jealous and slightly sad because Sara had a best friend, and that was ripped from her because of Tegan… But maybe she could fill that empty place.

“I guess… It won’t be the same without Emy, though.” Sara shrugged. “Thanks for offering though.”

With that, Tegan’s heart sank. She took a deep breath and told herself that things would progress over time, despite how discouraging that had just been. She just had to be patient.

“By the way, I do need to tell you something… Um, since the solstice is only a day away, I just want to go over this again… I’m going to propose to you, in front of everyone, at the end of the meeting. It’s going to be showy… And you have to accept without a second thought. Don’t hesitate at all.” Tegan babbled. Sara had probably already figured this out, but Tegan was going to say it anyway.

“Ugh, I am not looking forward to tomorrow… or being engaged. I never thought I’d get married.” Sara remarked. “You seem like a perfectly fine person to be married to… but I just… When I started actually thinking about it as a teenager, I realized that marriage isn’t actually what I want. The idea of being committed to one person just isn’t for me, and I don’t really want my relationships to be defined by an institution that is pretty much meaningless.”

“I have bad news for you,” Tegan said, wondering if this knowledge would change things between them.

“Yes?” Sara quirked an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Um, so, because you going down on me resulted in you getting banished to the Underworld because my… um… you-know-what apparently counts as eating ‘the fruit of the Underworld’, Thanatos and I were talking, and he advised that you shouldn’t risk getting anyone else stuck down here.” Tegan explained, embarrassed. She shouldn’t have been, but ‘should’ didn’t change reality.

Sara looked very much like she would rather be somewhere else, but it wasn’t as bad as when the revelation first occurred. And then she stared at the ground, seeming to think. “Ok, no problem.” Sara decided, looking back up, and shrugging. “You can have sex without someone going down on you. After all, you went almost two and a half thousand years without anyone doing so. Plus, I’m strictly a top.”

This solution, or lack of issue with the restriction, was a bit of a disappointment to Tegan at first, but it was also slightly liberating. Previously, she’d hoped it would make it more likely for her to get into a relationship with Sara, at least through an ‘arrangement’ but she now realized that it was unnecessary. While she would miss the feeling of someone performing oral sex on her, Tegan could just find other people. Sure, she had a big of a crush on Sara, and she wasn’t sure how she would go about getting over it, but she would be fine. At least she could move onto other people and she and Sara would have to be at least friends. Tegan just liked being around Sara and talking to her. It was nice to just have someone to be around in the Underworld… She would get the companionship she yearned for. And companionship could come from a friend.

“Also, I just… I want you to know that even though we’re going to be engaged and then married… Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.” Tegan finished softly. “You’re going to need a friend down here, and I’m more than willing to be that for you.”

“Thanks,” Sara said. She didn’t smile, but Tegan was ok with that.

With the Solstice only ten hours away, Tegan figured that Sara was probably the one who had to worry the most. She had never met the other gods before, and she hadn’t asked for any of this to happen. Then, Tegan did also have to worry. She had a mask she had to uphold in front of the other gods, and she had to mentally prepare herself.

“Are you going to sleep before we have to get ready for the Solstice?” Tegan asked.

“Yeah… I need to go do something real quick first though.” Sara got up and headed in a direction towards a hallway in a wing of the palace that wasn’t used very much.

Tegan raised an eyebrow. Maybe Sara just needed a place to get her confidence up undisturbed? Who knew? Anyway, Tegan did need to rest in order to get her mental strength up. She never enjoyed the summer solstice, but at least she would see her mother.

So she went into her bedroom, where she put on some pajamas. She called for Cerberus, who bounded on in and knew to rest on her bed as she got under the covers. Tegan took deep breaths before closing her eyes and letting herself rest for a while. She was still aware of her surroundings in other projections of her consciousness, but it felt distant, the way humans would describe a dream. It would allow her to calm down by becoming one with nature. It didn’t have to be fall, but she could be part of the breeze somewhere and de-stress.

A few hours had gone by when Tegan arose from her rest. Immediately, she snapped her fingers and ordered a spirit to run her a nice hot bath. While that was being arranged, she lay on her stomach and pet Cerberus.

“I really wish you could come with me, but you just _had_ to growl at Zeus when he wanted to be introduced to baby me and get yourself banned,” Tegan said, as though he could feel regret for that. In reality, she felt like Zeus had earned it, after everything he had put her mother through. But they could show no grudge or weariness. With the gods, long-term grudges had to have petty bases or else you would be urged to get over it soon. So they all just pretended that everything was alright, no matter how horrible it was.

In the bathtub, Tegan thought about what it would be like to pretend to be madly in love with Sara, and the proposal she would have to make. Her crush on Sara would make that easy enough. Though, Tegan had never really thought about what it would actually be like to be in a relationship where she would be in a position to actually propose and get married in front of her relatives. In the past, her relationships were short, never lasting more than a decade. They would end as soon as things seemed to be getting serious, leaving Tegan alone again. Her father had told her that she simply had not found the right person; that the right person would stay no matter what she told them. She felt guilty for seeing some of that in Sara, but Sara knew dark things about her family, and could still look Tegan in the eyes.

Perhaps it wasn’t good for her to be thinking about how wonderful Sara was, but Tegan told herself that it would just make things seem more realistic when she and Sara pretended to be in a relationship.

She got out of the bathtub, hot water dripping from her body. She toweled herself off and went back into her bedroom, leaving the bathroom for a spirit to deal with. Another laid out her attire for the Solstice. Tegan scowled at the dress. Of course, it was beautiful and followed the fashions of wealthy women from her time perfectly, but she didn’t like wearing dresses. Despite that, she put the black fabric on her body after applying the appropriate undergarments and rubbed oil into her skin so she would smell nice and feel soft. Next came the jewelry, which was gold with rubies this year. Tegan had more jewelry than she actually cared to remember. But as was the case for dresses, she didn’t it, except for her labret piercing, but she couldn’t wear it to the Solstice. She honestly did not enjoy wearing her crown either. This time the leaf pattern was made of gold, as to match her jewelry. Usually, if she had to wear it, she would choose the bronze version as it was simpler. It was most likely that her mother or grandmother had chosen her clothes and jewelry because Tegan wasn’t good at picking out something appropriate to wear. Persephone was better about making sure that what Tegan had to wear was not bothersome, while Demeter wanted her granddaughter to look ornate.

She honestly wondered what they had gotten Sara to wear. For the life of her, she could not imagine Sara in a dress.

It turned out that Tegan would have to continue to wonder because Sara had been put in a suit. Not even the male gods were going to wear suits, so Sara would really stick out like a sore thumb. Though, her color scheme matched up with Tegan’s. The entirety of the suit, even the shirt, was black, but the tie was ruby red. Both of them were wearing makeup with dark eyeshadow and nude lip colors. Luckily, Sara’s dark circles were covered up, so she would be able to look like she was actually happy and wanted to be there.

Upon seeing her and how attractive she looked, Tegan’s breath had been stolen from her body. She had to swallow because she wished Sara would take her again; the way she had the night they met. Tegan would even allow for Sara’s tie to find its way wrapped tightly around her wrists.

“I hope they remember that you’re doing the proposing,” Sara remarked after taking in the image of Tegan dressed up so ostentatiously and femininely while she, herself, was in a more masculine style.

“I always wear something like this.” Tegan shrugged. “It’s essentially what you humans would call a black-tie event, but we have a different idea of formal wear. I’m honestly shocked that they have you wearing a suit and not a chiton on top of the fact that they are allowing you to wear men’s clothing at all.” But damn, she was grateful because Sara looked good. More than good…

“I have no idea why… But how are you supposed to propose in that thing?” Sara asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing at the floor length dress that even covered Tegan’s laced up sandals.

“Eh, I’m used to this type of clothing, so I will manage.” Tegan shrugged and let out a sigh. “Let’s go meet my father.” She wanted to link arms with Sara, but she wouldn’t do that… not yet. This wasn’t real. This was all fake.

Hades and Thanatos both looked unimpressed with their own chitons, but Hades’ face lit up when he saw Tegan.

“My Citrine, you look beautiful.” He strode towards Tegan and embraced her.

“Thank you, Papa.” She replied. She was used to this, but it still felt nice for her father to say such things, so she couldn’t help but smile.

“Hello Sara,” Thanatos said, nodding at Sara. The two of them shared a knowing smile. “I see you are satisfied with your attire. I worried that you might not be able to have that.”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty grateful.” Sara agreed.

“Should we go now?” Tegan asked, turning towards Thanatos.

“Yes. We shall be driven by one of the Furies because I get a break on the Solstices.” He replied, smiling in amusement. “Oh, by the way, Princess Tegan…” He pulled a ring box from a pocket hidden within his chiton. “This is for Sara.”

Tegan took it and looked inside. The ring was traditionally styled but white gold set with a moderately sized ruby. She nodded and then showed it to Sara.

“It’s your engagement ring,” Tegan informed her. “Prepare to accept it whether you like it or not.” How she wished this was real and Sara actually wanted it…

“My proposal to Persephone was far more intimate; I took her hands in mine and knelt in front of her by the River Styx, asking her if she would accept me swearing myself to her for eternity upon it. Obviously, she said yes, and thousands of years later, we are still as in love as when we said our vows.” Hades reminisced, a fond smile upon his face.

Tegan couldn’t stop herself from smiling at her parents’ love for each other. She had always dreamed about having a love like that one day.

“What does it mean to swear upon the River Styx?” Sara asked.

“It is the most serious oath a god can make,” Thanatos explained. “If we break it, we suffer severe consequences such as paralysis or being ostracized… well more so than we Underworld gods are.”

Tegan felt herself and her father stiffen. Luckily, Sara did not ask for him to elaborate, simply raising an eyebrow at Tegan. She pretended not to see Sara’s questioning look.

“During your marriage ceremony, you will be expected to vow upon the River Styx, so you may need to get creative.” Hades continued for Thanatos.

“Jeez, I need to mentally prepare myself for this…” Sara muttered.

“Sara, since you are not used to the chariot, we shall take a car to Olympus,” Thanatos said. “Follow me.”

“I appreciate the sentiment.” She replied as the four of them headed toward the front yard on the stone path.

Tegan allowed her mind to wander since Hades had linked their arms and would steer her correctly. She wondered if this Solstice would be different from the past hundreds upon hundreds. Would Sara’s presence be enough to make a day Tegan usually dreaded better? Usually, she only looked forward to the Summer Solstice because she could see her mother (that wasn’t to say she wasn’t allowed to go to Olympus… she just chose not to).

Inside the limousine, Tegan chose to sit next to Sara. Usually, they would ride a chariot driven by a Fury, with Tegan standing towards the front, and Hades standing behind her protectively. This time, all he did was assist her in climbing inside the limousine.

The ride was quiet at first until Sara seemed to be unable to hold back her burning question: “Why is Tegan going to propose? I’m the one in the suit, so apparently, I’m the ‘man’ in the relationship.” She used air quotes around the word ‘man’.

“Well, for one, the other gods know Tegan and have known her since she came into existence,” Hades explained. “And for us gods, we are above humans. So if Tegan gets down on one knee and proposes, she is lowering herself to your level; showing that she is committing to you, and it would be more believable than if you, a human, knelt in front of her and proposed. The other gods will respect it more.”

“That does make sense.” Sara decided. “At least they’re not assigning gender roles too badly… well, yet.”

Tegan stared at the hem of her dress, nerves acting up. She was as still as a statue since she figured she attracted less attention if she did not move. Perhaps she should have sat next to her father, as opposed to her crush… then she could have received physical reassurance. He knew about the thousands of years’ worth of solstices that she was required to attend and the experiences that built up the dread that churned in her gut. It was stupid to not sit by her father… But then again, if she was sitting by Sara, she would be less likely to take notice of Tegan’s silence because she wouldn’t be in her direct line of sight. Besides, it was too late for her to move. She would attract too much of Sara’s attention if she moved to sit next to her father. So Tegan would have to try to calm herself down during this ride. She slipped her hands under her thighs, sitting on them, in an attempt to feel like she was weighing herself down to keep from spiraling. She could feel each piece of the tension building onto her shoulders as she explored scenarios in her mind.

Thanks to the fact that she was a goddess, she could maintain her attention on her surroundings as well, but she couldn’t bring herself to participate in the conversation that did arise. She guessed Thanatos and Hades’s concern and protective instincts were flaring up, but none of them wanted to alert Sara as to what was going on. Tegan dreaded having to be honest about this… Sure, she liked the idea of Sara being around, but she hated the fact that Sara would, by extension, have to go to the solstices with her. She didn’t want this person, whom she wanted so badly to impress, to see her secret shames.

The dread almost made her vomit when they arrived at Olympus all too soon. Sara was obviously in awe and had her gaze fixed out of the windows, as this was all new, but Tegan had been to Olympus thousands of times, quite literally; and not just for the solstices. She did visit her mother or simply come on a whim, but she had few other reasons to venture up the mountain.

Knowing how she felt, Thanatos led Sara out of the limousine, allowing Tegan a moment with Hades. He came to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Breath, my Citrine,” He reminded her. “It is only for one day.”

Tegan took a deep gulp of air. It wasn’t necessary, but she did so. She exhaled in a gust of autumn breeze, and her shoulders shook slightly as a little bit of the tension left, but she still could not be considered relaxed.

“Your mother and I will be with you the entire time, as always.” He reminded her, offering a hand.

Tegan freed her right hand from underneath her and took his, but still did not budge. “What if Sara…?” She couldn’t put the rest into words and simply sighed.

Hades nodded grimly. “I know, my Citrine, but she would have to find out eventually. If she cannot accept you for all that you are… she will make for bad company for all of eternity.”

Tegan knew that her father was right but took another deep breath. “I hate these, Papa.” She groaned.

“I know you do, my Citrine.” He said again. “But your mother and I will stay with you.”

“Thank you… I love you.” She kissed his cheek, giving him a tired smile.

“I love you too, Tegan.” He inhaled, squaring his shoulders.

Tegan fixed her posture, placing a pleasant smile on her face, and he led her out of the vehicle and into the sunlight above the clouds. She turned to Sara, observing the look of wonder from seeing Olympus for the first time.

They were surrounded by a rich blue sky, which looked like puddles between the carpet formed by thick, white clouds, stretching as far as the eye could see. In front of them, on top of the actual mountain, the structures of the buildings in Olympus were made of different colors of marble, depending on whose residence it was. Creatures such as dryads, satyrs, and centaurs usually tended to the vegetation that grew (bushes, trees, and flowers of all kinds, along with patches of wild grass), but they were not there today, except for the centaur that trotted forth to greet them. The other creatures were working at the Solstice meeting, but one always came to welcome those from the Underworld as they arrived at the top of the mountain.

“Welcome back, Lords and Lady,” The centaur bowed to them.

Tegan took this opportunity to link arms with Sara. They did need to make it look like they were in a relationship, after all. But to tell the centaur to apologize to Sara for ignoring her? No. It was best to introduce Sara to the other gods at the meeting first and let the information trickle down.

The centaur led them to the main hall, the throne room of Olympus. To ensure fairness to everyone, it was not used outside of the Solstices unless a formal audience was requested by a mortal or something to that effect, which almost never occurred. Each year, the thrones of all the gods and goddesses were placed in an ovular shape in the enormous hall that was the throne room. Each throne came from a wooden chair, decorated specifically for each god. For example, Hades’s chair was embedded with underground jewels, Thanatos’s was decorated with bones, Persephone’s was wrapped in garlands of flowers, and Tegan’s was covered with different colors of autumn leaves. She wasn’t sure what she would do with Sara since she had to explain their love story before she could ask that Sara had a chair of her own (it would have to be plain regardless).

Tegan took a deep breath, dreading the necessity of going into the Solstice. Attendance was required for every single deity, as it kept the peace. There had been times when it had been recommended that perhaps they meet at the equinoxes as well, but conflicts had been settled to the point of there being no need. Tegan was thankful unsure how she would deal with four meetings per year if that were the case.

“It’s the same as every year, my Citrine,” Hades whispered in her ear right before the centaur knocked on the doors, signaling that the last gods were there.

Honestly, Tegan knew her father meant to comfort her when saying that, but she only felt more energy drain from her upon thinking about each previous Solstice. She understood that Hades was saying that she would get through it well enough, like every other time, but this year was different. She had to address the gods, something she never had to do before. And the fact that Sara was there placed added pressure because Tegan wanted to preserve a good image of herself in Sara’s mind, but the other gods made her feel small and timid.

The doors opened as Tegan adjusted her posture until it was pristine. She allowed her father to walk in first, then Thanatos, and finally her and Sara, who luckily followed Tegan’s lead.

Inside the throne room, some gods stood around talking to each other before the meeting began and others sat in their thrones, either participating in conversation or not. This was usual behavior before the council formally assembled. And like always, Hades was placed to the left of Zeus. Persephone was placed to his left, then Tegan, and after that Thanatos. Hera would be to Zeus’s right and Poseidon next to her. After that was a string of major gods, until the minor gods began, placing Tegan’s sister next to Thanatos, and someone Tegan knew all too well next to Melinoe. There were unspoken protests to this arrangement; for example, Tegan wished that there was more than one god separating her from Melinoe. But the issue was petty family drama of the Underworld, especially in others’ eyes, so they did not bring it up. Luckily, Thanatos was diplomatic and protective enough of Tegan that he would not let any tiffs arise. Besides, Melinoe had someone to talk to, but the idea of a friendship between those two made Tegan feel even smaller.

Instead of socializing, she headed straight for her seat, which meant Sara was coming too. It was likely that Thanatos followed them, but Tegan really only cared that she would be in her mother’s embrace within seconds.

Persephone sat at her throne, looking disinterested in everything around her until she saw Tegan approaching, and stood up, a smile appearing on her face. She opened her arms and pulled her daughter into an embrace as soon as Tegan was close enough. No words were exchanged, but the hug was warm. Persephone smelled like flowers and fresh cotton, which was a scent that Tegan missed while her mother on Olympus.

Tegan had released Sara in favor of hugging her mother. Sure, it had only been a few weeks since she had last seen her, but that didn’t mean she missed her mother any less.

Now that she was in the presence of Persephone, Tegan felt an added sense of safety. By no means did she feel confident about addressing everyone and proposing to Sara. What if she fell over as she got down on one knee? What if she tripped over her dress? What if the other gods thought even less of her once they knew that she had chosen a human woman? Would they call her a whore behind her and her family’s back? Would Melinoe hate her even more? Things wouldn’t be so bad if Sara didn’t have to learn the embarrassing truth.

She clung to her mother tighter, wishing time would stop and she could run away and be alone with Sara. But Persephone whispered gentle words in her ear, coaxing Tegan to relax and let go so they could sit down. Reluctantly, she obeyed, taking long deep breaths. The tenseness returned to her shoulders, but she wiped her face blank and placed a pleasant smile on it.

Persephone gestured for Tegan to sit down, which she did.

“Sara, why don’t you sit on the arm of Tegan’s chair?” Persephone suggested upon thinking for a second.

Wordlessly, Sara awkwardly perched herself on the edge of it. Tegan snaked an arm around her waist and encouraged her to sit closer because it was more nerve-wracking to her for them to poorly pull off acting like a couple that was madly in love than it was to have her crush’s ass so close to her body. Besides, having her arm around something felt like she had a purpose, no matter how small. Otherwise, she would just fidget in her place, staring at the others, wondering what they were thinking about her. She distracted herself by planning her words carefully, reciting them over and over in her head, avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the hall.

Thanatos and Hades took their seats, even though the meeting did not start until noon. They were a few minutes away, but the Underworld gods were known to prefer to wait until after the meeting to mingle. Tegan felt that part of the reason was the feeling of detachment needing to fade. The council treated all gods the same, especially when they did not bring forth an issue that they wished to address on the floor, which allowed them slight feelings of unity, making them comfortable enough to socialize later.

When noon finally arrived, the koudonia was struck three times, signaling that the meeting was to start. Everyone not already sitting at their thrones did so, and a silence fell over the room. With that, the koudonia was struck once more.

“Welcome, gods and goddesses, back to the Solstice,” Zeus said, as he always led the meetings. “The floor is open to anyone to address any conflicts or complaints.”

Tegan felt a weight on her chest. The pressure of fear was making it difficult to breathe, her heart was pounding, and she could feel her limbs trembling ever so slightly. Sara glanced down at her, looking utterly confused, but seemed even more perplexed, seeing the pleasant look painted on Tegan’s face. It probably looked cheap and fake, but she could only hope that the others would not look at or take notice of her. She wasn’t ready to go and mentally pleaded for someone to take the floor.

“Fine, I’ll start, as usual.” Aphrodite stood up, sighing out of irritation. This time, she was wearing black slacks with gray pinstripes and a light blue shirt that beautifully complimented the light brown tints of her olive skin. Over her shoulders were suspenders, around her neck a pinstriped bowtie that matched her pants, and a hat over her short black hair. Recently she had embraced the unisex style, loving the idea of fluidity within western culture. She often changed her appearance, but her clothing style was usually slower to change. This wasn’t the first time Aphrodite had worn pants to a Solstice, but the other gods always gave her strange looks, while Tegan looked on longingly. “I don’t know why I have to address this every single time, but the rumors that Ares and I being together need to stop, along with the rumors about me cheating on my husband with whatever nymph or dryad you all make up, but I’m tired of it. Just when I think we’ve all matured enough to stop doing this, it starts again. Can we please just go a full decade without any of this? Or stop completely. I get that I am the goddess of love and beauty, I get that I’m pansexual. I get that you can’t see what I see in Hephaestus, but I’m a married woman and I love him. So the gossip needs to stop.” She was pacing back and forth, her hands moving with her speech. Upon reaching the end, she stopped and looked around at people who were not part of the Underworld family, scowling.

“We have all talked about this. Gossip is unbecoming. We do not need to sink to the levels of humans.” Zeus reminded all of them, sounding tired. However, Sara stiffened. “If you have spread rumors, you may come forth and apologize to Aphrodite and Hephaestus.”

Hephaestus sat next to Aphrodite’s throne in his wheelchair, which he had made himself, looking displeased at the fact that nobody was willing to admit to gossiping. Tegan liked Hephaestus and Aphrodite and felt they didn’t deserve the shit they got.

After this issue had no resolution, yet again, Aeolus expressed complaint that the wind gods did not listen to his instruction, and they complained that he was almost like a dictator, so Zeus gently reminded him what it meant to lead; listening to those who were following him. Next, Artemis harshly reminded Ares that her Hunt was not welcome to men and he needed to give her and her huntresses a wide berth. But with this issue being settled, Tegan felt her heart pound when Zeus called for the next god to address the others. There were a few seconds of utter silence, as they all looked around, which indicated that nobody else had any issues that they wanted to bring to the council.

She swallowed, feeling herself trembling internally and maybe even externally as she released Sara and stood up. Tegan squared her shoulders and carefully stepped into the center of the oval of thrones all facing her. She took a deep breath, praying she looked confident, but in reality, she was terrified.

“Recently, I fell in love,” She announced, choosing to keep her eyes on Thanatos, who was close enough to Sara to make it look like she was looking at her. In reality, keeping her eyes on him helped her to calm down, thanks to the familiarity he provided. “I was spending time in the world of human mortals, in a club in Vancouver, Canada. There was a particularly beautiful woman with whom I made eye contact, and it was love at first sight. She came over to strike up a conversation with me. There was an instant connection, the likes of which I’ve never felt before. I knew I had to have her as my love…” Tegan swallowed, her gaze shifting back to Sara. She could feel herself calming as she stared at Sara, channeling all of the genuine feelings inside of her. She wished that this was real, but love at first sight did not exist, and Sara didn’t seem to return Tegan’s affections. “She and I went someplace quieter to talk… To an ice cream place… As we went back to her home to talk further, I bought her flowers… Orange chrysanthemums. We kissed for the first time, and that was that. Later, I took her to the Underworld and my family and I revealed the truth about ourselves. She agreed to eat a pomegranate in order to stay with me forever.” Tegan beckoned Sara out into the center with her, to which she complied. “Is that accurate?” She asked softly, smiling in a way she hoped radiated love.

“Yes,” Sara replied, her voice slightly hoarse, taking Tegan’s hands. She cleared her throat before repeating herself. Thankfully there was confidence in her voice and her adoring smile was convincing enough to later break Tegan’s heart.

Tegan felt her pocket for the ring box. “So,” She turned to the gods, who were their audience. “I would like to take this chance to do something I have wanted to do since the moment met this woman.” She turned back to look at Sara, and dropped to her knees, staring up at the woman in front of her. There were audible gasps and a few murmurs, likely of disapproval at this sight. “Sara Keirsten Quin, as I said, I fell in love with you the moment we made eye contact.” Tegan reached into her pocket to pull out the ring box, and opened it, holding it up for the ‘yes’ she knew would come. “But getting to know you… I’ve fallen deeper in love with you. Will seal the deal by marrying me and becoming my wife?” Tegan felt tears stirring in her eyes. God, she wished this was real.

“Yes, I will marry you,” Sara replied, her voice strained. She also looked like she wanted to cry, but likely not for Tegan’s reasons.

Tegan painted a happy smile on her face as she rose to her feet and placed the ring on Sara’s finger. And because she wasn’t sure when she would get the chance again, she leaned in and softly kissed her. Thankfully, Sara kissed back with a passion that allowed Tegan to live in her fantasy for a moment.

Applause broke out, likely started by Tegan’s parents. She savored the moment of closeness between her and Sara before they pulled away and simply joined hands.

Tegan floated on autopilot as she expressed gratitude for all of the obligatory congratulations the gods wished them after the koudonia was struck to signal the end of the council. It was now time to socialize… but not for Tegan, unless her parents and Thanatos counted. At the thousands of Solstices she had attended, few ever actually wanted to talk to her. Usually, it was her who approached others. Part of the reason was the simple fact that these gods had known each other for thousands of years before Tegan came along. Another reason was her birth, and the things that came before, which nobody talked about. She could only guess that Solstices had been tense and difficult back in those days.

She hoped she could hide her shame about this from Sara, who seemed to not want to be there regardless. But then again, not wanting to be someplace didn’t mean that Sara was automatically satisfied with being an outsider. One day, she might want to get to know the other gods rather than play the part of wallflower all of the time, and Tegan would be stuck embarrassing herself not only in front of the other gods, which she had done before but also Sara.

Thankfully, Sara seemed satisfied with just standing off to the side with Tegan, not really even talking. She took glasses of wine from serving trays carried by satyrs and dryads, which concerned Tegan a little bit. She had never been around Sara when intoxicated, but Sara thankfully didn’t let that happen; eating food and drinking water. Tegan didn’t join in though; she wasn’t hungry or thirsty. She felt deflated.

Minutes seemed to drag by, and she wished that she could get her hands on some hard liquor because it was the only thing that could really ease the stiffness in her body. She had perfected making herself look soft and pleasant, when really, with all of the tension in her body, she was as soft as marble. Alcohol would only make her act like a fool in front of everyone, so that was not a good road to go down. So time continued to move slower than crystalized honey, all while Tegan and the woman she held feelings for had to pretend to be madly in love, though Tegan refused to kiss Sara again. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she feared judgment and criticism amongst gossip once they left Olympus. She just wasn’t her mother, who kissed her husband every other minute, not giving a damn about what anyone else thought; Persephone missed the man she loved, so she would kiss and hold onto him.

Tegan felt like mud on the day after rain and almost cried with relief when Thanatos approached.

“Are you ladies ready to go?” He asked.

“Yes!” Tegan replied, barely letting him get the question out fully.

“How soon are we leaving?” Was Sara’s question.

“Right now. Hades will come back later, once the party is truly over.” Thanatos replied. “He wishes to stay with Persephone as long as possible, so it shall just be the three of us on the way back.”

Tegan almost cried with relief as they went back to the limousine without saying goodbye. It wasn’t like they needed to, to be honest. Besides, she had been so bored simply standing around, even if it was with Sara.

Inside the vehicle, Tegan chose to sit next to Thanatos this time, as he had a calming effect on her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a reassuring look, which reminded her that she made it through yet another Solstice, despite hating them. She felt like a nobody at the Solstices, but she so desperately wanted to be accepted by her family. They were supposed to be like her. They were supposed to be unified. Instead, Tegan was left outside in the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think and/or feel free to leave some kudos if you like! XOXO


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh hi. sorry to keep you guys waiting on this chapter. if ya'll read treats i explained why i dipped. but if you don't, here's my excuse: christmas got stressful and i had been writing a lot of smut and i just got burnt out with writing altogether. also recently i had to delete what i had of chapter 25 for this fic because i hated what i had even though i was close~ to done with the chapter. so i gotta start from scratch. gonna try to get my mojo back tho! love ya'll and thank you for your patience <3

Sara wasn’t looking forward to the Winter Solstice. She felt awkward and stupid sitting on the arm of Tegan’s chair like some sort of human pet, though once they left, she was tired of standing. Tegan probably didn’t have that problem because she was a goddess, but Sara was so close to finally just sitting down behind a column or something, but she was keeping up appearances for Tegan to create a good first impression, because like it or not, they had to get married. She figured it was best to be quiet and put a mask over her real feelings. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to be drinking wine, but as long as she stayed asocial, there wouldn’t be a problem, and there wasn’t.

Upon arriving back into the Underworld palace, Sara immediately headed towards her room to change out of the suit and get the ring off and out of sight. It was like it shackled her to Tegan in this role as a sweet and quiet human lover, but that just wasn’t Sara. She wanted to be the person she was upon arriving at the club to meet Emy that night, but she just couldn’t. Not after what she had put her loved ones through. Not after losing all control of her life, if she even had one anymore. She was now stuck as Tegan’s shadow, except in the dark and gloomy Underworld, where the only semblance of sunlight was that stupid fucking lamp Sara got to try preventing herself from developing depression down there. The funny thing was, she wanted out of there by the time they had to go to Olympus, and to be in fresh and direct sunlight… but only hours passed before she only wanted to go back to the Underworld, where she could be alone and submerge herself in silence or her dream world. Either way… solitude.

The poppies comforted her, offering a world where she was falling in love with her best friend… the same woman who was currently crocheting accessories and weaving beaded jewelry in an attempt to pacify her own grief. The same woman who had found her way into Sara’s heart with her warmth and bubbliness despite the hatred and discrimination she faced. In a way, Emy was the strongest woman Sara knew, because the hardships she faced as a trans woman only made her kinder and gentler, leading her to vent her frustrations into art. She even taught Sara how to draw, and became the first friend that she loved, even just platonically.

The best part about Emy was that she was part of the life that Sara wanted back so desperately. She also accepted Sara for who she was, and Sara hadn’t even fully realized how much of a good thing she had until now. She should have been better to Emy. She had complained so much about work, living surrounded by people, the price of college, how bored she was with everyday life, but until she was told that she would have to leave all of that behind, she began to realize how much it meant to her. Once it was gone, it dawned upon her how much freedom she had.

And now, as she strode through the Underworld’s palace courtyard in order to get to her room (she would eventually need to get her own set of rooms, but not yet as she needed even the smallest sense of familiarity that the room given to her provided), Sara hated how she had been turned into Tegan’s armpiece and blushing bride. Sure, her life had become far more luxurious than she’d ever thought, but the cost was higher than Olympus itself. Sara felt like she was even losing part of her personality because of simultaneous guilt and grief constantly gnawing at her. It wasn’t her fault, but she couldn’t push responsibility solely onto the gods. After all, it didn’t really matter to them, but it did to Sara, and that was part of why she knew she had to hold some of the blame. But such feelings weighed her down like an anchor, and the role she was being asked to play made her wonder if she deserved to be punished in this way. Not enough time had passed to heal her pain, and if she thought critically about it, she didn’t feel she deserved happiness. She still felt trapped and frustrated in the role she filled in front of the other gods as well. So not only were her feelings keeping her true self from shining through, she had to conceal that part of herself in order to make sure Tegan didn’t look bad in front of her relatives. A double weight that crushed her.

She planned a trip to the Morphine room for an indefinite amount of time once she changed out of the suit she had been given and got that godforsaken ring off of her finger and out of sight. Though, this plan was interfered by Tegan following her. Sara wanted to sigh and rudely ask Tegan what she wanted but instead chose to ignore her, in hopes that this issue would simply go away.

However, despite Sara ignoring Tegan all the way to her room, the goddess would not get the hint.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Tegan?” Sara asked, faux patience thick in her voice.

“Yes, actually.” Tegan clasped her hands behind her back, choosing this moment to grow shy and stare at her feet. “Um… I just wanted to tell you that the Solstices aren’t… They aren’t reflective of who I am. And the other gods, I mean… My family… They’re just not used to this relationship. They’re shocked. So… I just want you to understand that. That’s why they didn’t talk to us aside from offering a quick congratulations.”

Either Tegan thought Sara cared about what the other gods thought or Tegan herself did… intensely… and decided to project it onto Sara in order to make herself feel better.

“I understand how coming out works. They just need a little time to get used to all of it.” She replied, nodding as though this conversation were one she wanted. “But by the wedding, they should be better about it.”

“They’re my family, and they love me, so of course.” Tegan’s smile looked forced, trembling ever so slightly. “They’ll love us.”

Oh. Honestly, Sara had suspected that something was up. There was that comment about how the Underworld gods were ostracized and the timorousness Tegan displayed when confronted with those who were supposed to be her family. And she didn’t even try to join in on conversations once it became obvious that she and Sara were left on the sidelines. She simply stayed by Sara’s side, as though she had become practiced in accepting such defeat, rather than being confused for even a moment. And Tegan didn’t seem to particularly like dresses. If Aphrodite (whom Sara wouldn’t have minded committing adultery with) and Sara could wear pants to the Solstice, why couldn’t Tegan? And if they really had to put one of them in a suit in order to play the role of the ‘man’, why couldn’t it be Tegan? After all, she was the more powerful one. The only logical explanation to Sara was that Tegan cared about what the other gods thought and now cared about the image of her in Sara’s mind, wanting desperately to show her she was more than that.

Sara didn’t know what Tegan wanted exactly but knew what she personally wanted. Perhaps it wasn’t the best thing to do for a healthy relationship, but after the Solstice, sex would make a good stress reliever. And she would get off with or without Tegan’s help.

“I know this is probably a bad idea, but do you want to come into my room with me? And I’m not just asking you to innocently spend time with me, either. It’ll be a one-time thing, because I just want a way to unwind after the day we had.” She didn’t want to be flirtatious about this, nor did she feel like being sweet. Her eyes found Tegan’s, which had jumped up to make contact with her own before she was even halfway through the first sentence.

Tegan seemed to need a moment to think about it.

“No strings attached; it doesn’t have to mean anything. Besides, what harm would it really do? We’ve already fucked.” Sara added, hoping this would help Tegan make her decision.

Apparently, it did, because Tegan finally nodded, her eyes glued to Sara’s lips.

Sara smirked, opening the door, and whisking Tegan inside. She pressed the goddess against the wall in an intense kiss that seemed to make her melt under Sara’s touch, clinging to the jacket of her suit, as though if she pulled Sara close enough, they would become one. Her eyes fluttered open, almost as though she was worried that there was a problem when Sara pulled away from their kiss.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sara asked calmly, revealing no emotion.

“Yes,” Tegan pleaded breathlessly.

“Then take off that jewelry and sandals.” Sara really couldn’t get in the mood with Tegan looking the way she did.

Sara made quick work of her own shoes and socks, moved the engagement ring to her pocket, and got the tie off. A glance up at Tegan told her that despite no noise coming from her, all jewelry and footwear was now gone, replaced by her labret piercing making a comeback. Sara hadn’t realized how much she missed it, and instead of vocalizing that appreciation, she closed the distance between them and kissed Tegan again, this time tracing her fingers down Tegan’s arms, which were surprisingly soft and smooth. Sara moved her lips to Tegan’s neck, which was instantly bared for her. She felt Tegan grabbing at her shirt.

“Just take it off.” She said as she moved her mouth to place kisses on Tegan’s collarbone, eliciting small whimpers. She felt clumsy hands trying to unbutton her shirt, though some were successfully unfastened, but she seemed to distract Tegan more by kissing her lips again, slipping her tongue within her mouth, and hands sneaking down Tegan’s back to cup handfuls of her ass.

A surprised gasp came from Tegan, her body briefly stiffening before she relaxed and gave into the feelings, having briefly given up her attempt to divest Sara of her shirt. A quick squeeze of her backside reminded her of what she was trying to do, and she returned to that task until a cool breeze hit Sara’s bra-clad torso, leading her to press their fronts together and ground her hips, Sara letting out a grunt and Tegan a whimper. They had to detach their lips, though Sara’s teeth lightly held Tegan’s bottom lip, as their dark eye stared into each other for a second. That moment passed, and Sara removed her hands from Tegan’s ass in order to shrug the shirt off her body, letting it fall to the ground. Her lips attacked Tegan’s neck again, feeling cold hands roaming her back until they rested on her hips.

Sara searched for a way to get Tegan’s dress off but found no zipper or buttons.

“I got this, I got this,” Tegan repeated a few times before Sara noticed and pulled away to let Tegan unfasten her gold girdle, which caused a metal clang when it dropped to the floor. She pushed the straps off her shoulders next, letting it fall around her body, due to the large and loose neckline, revealing the fabric that acted as undergarments, perhaps from Tegan’s time. They were black silk strips of fabric that wrapped around her breasts and pubic region a few times. Sara didn’t shy away from staring, though she did unfasten and unzip her pants; leaving herself in a similar state of undress as Tegan.

Sara moved all articles of clothing to the side with her foot as she pulled Tegan’s body against hers, her lips returning to the soft, sensitive skin of Tegan’s neck and shoulder. She was aware of their chests pressing together, and Tegan’s hands rested on her hips again. The heat between them was burning more intensely, so more clothing needed to come off.

“How about you get that fucking bra of yours off?” Sara whispered, words tickling Tegan’s ear, making her moan and whimper, nodding enthusiastically. She obliged despite clumsy hands, and Sara could now unwrap the garment. Tegan went for the fabric on her hips, exposing her entire naked body.

Sara pressed her against the wall in a heavy kiss again, allowing Tegan to unhook her own bra. Sara pulled away enough to let it fall, and kicked it aside too. She dove right back in, a hand covering Tegan’s breast, especially fondling the nipple, slightly pinching it. She reveled in the moans that Tegan let out, slipping a leg in between Tegan’s for her to grind on. She smirked, noticing the wetness being transferred to her leg. She sucking on Tegan’s neck, giving her a gentle squeeze again. Removing the leg, she moved her lips to the neglected nipple, pushing Tegan against the wall by her shoulders, eliciting a needy moan.

She came up level, standing up straight again, tracing her hands down the front of Tegan’s body, until they fell to her sides. “Face the wall.” She instructed. Tegan complied, bracing her hands against the wall, about shoulder height, her legs around shoulder width apart. She turned her head to the side, waiting for what Sara’s next move.

Sara stared at Tegan’s body as she slipped her index and middle finger into her own mouth, getting them nice and wet. As they made their way to their destination, her fingers grazed over the expanse of flesh, making Tegan shiver. The slick fingers rubbed Tegan’s outer lips, then delved deeper. There was a gasp before Sara carefully sank her fingers into the hot, dripping opening. Her hand snaked between Tegan’s body and the wall to cup her breast. Sara stared straight forward, not really seeing what was in front of her; more focusing on the sensations. Tegan’s body clenched around her, head thrown back as she inhaled sharply. Sara slowly pumped her fingers in and out, and Tegan’s entrance steadily got slicker.

She increased the speed and force of her thrusts until Tegan was pushing against Sara’s body, her body shaking, and her moans increasing in volume and pitch. Sara’s hand moved from Tegan’s breast down to her clit, rubbing circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves. Tegan seemed damn near about to collapse against Sara when she finally came, her moans and whimpers loud, but like music to Sara’s ears.

Sara withdrew her hands from between Tegan’s legs, letting her to turn around so they were face to face. Slowly, Tegan descended to her knees, her fingers tracing the waistband of Sara’s underwear. She nodded, allowing Tegan to remove them from her body. There was a wet spot, which had to be unstuck from Sara’s nether lips, but the mess between her legs was quickly dealt with by Tegan putting her mouth on Sara, extracting a gasp from her lungs. She planted her arms against the wall, closing her eyes, as she bowed her head forward, bracing herself. Nobody had done this for her in so long, and it felt so good… Tegan was clearly very skilled, probably from hundreds upon hundreds of years of experience. And since she was usually the top…

Despite the fact that she was trying to keep her mind away from it, the last few times Sara had sex were one-night stands, and before that, she was Stacy’s secret experiment. That was the last person who had gone down on her without a dental dam. Now, look where she was because she forgot to use one on someone… Well, she was getting eaten out, which felt fucking amazing, especially since Tegan was _extremely_ good at returning the favor.

She was almost embarrassed at how quickly she came, but she had a moment to compose herself, because Tegan chose to clean her up and even lick her own fluids off Sara’s thigh.

Once Tegan was done, Sara turned and went into the bathroom without another word. They didn’t need to make this flowery or sweet or anything of the sort. Besides, Sara was in the habit of peeing after sex, and she didn’t have access to a bathroom for a while before attending the Solstice. Though, after making use of the toilet, she also decided to take a shower, and wash everything off her body. She used lukewarm water, as not to excite her body any further, taking a long time to wash her entire body more than once, as though she could find a reset button through soaping herself up again. Eventually, she decided that it was time to get out.

She felt like she was taking a deep dive after a high, especially once the water was off, and she stood on the bathmat naked and dripping wet, her body covered in goosebumps from the cold. If she were laying in the bathtub and crying, her physical condition would perfectly match the way she felt emotionally. Even though she’d just had sex, the hollow loneliness ached inside her. Even soft, fluffy towels that felt like they had just been laundered didn’t improve her mood, they just felt nice. The warmth didn’t even fill the emptiness she felt inside her heart and soul.

She trudged back into her room, finding it empty, thankfully. She immediately found some yoga pants with a soft T-shirt to wear, picking out some boxer briefs and a sports bra as well. She just wanted to be comfortable. At least she felt clean. Her suit was still on the floor, but she would get it later. She didn’t let any spirits clean up her room for her. She wanted to think that perhaps her mother might still be able to be proud of her, though it would be idiotic to try to get her hopes up too high, or try to bring her fantasy world outside of the Morphine room. Sara needed a reality check.

Once her clothes were on, and her hair was brushed, Sara pulled out the telescope. She sat down on the edge of her bed, requesting to see her mother first.

Eating a sad and quiet dinner with Ted in the kitchen of their house. Even though it had been weeks since Sara had died to them, a veil of grey sorrow rested over them, and the guilt was like swallowing an ice cube whole. It burned, going through her painfully, resting in her gut. To make things worse, she asked to see her father, who sat on his couch, drinking Jack Daniel’s and watching a hockey game, his eyes were focused on a spot on the wall, as opposed to the TV.

And if that weren’t enough, Sara decided to emotionally wound herself again by looking in on Emy’s life. At least she had the light on, but instead of listening to music, like she always did; her bedroom was quiet, except for her breathing and the sound of her roommate in the background. Emy’s ex had probably moved out, since she hadn’t originally been on the lease. Secretly, she was relieved that Sarah had been kicked to the curb. She just wanted Emy to be happy; even if she, herself, couldn’t be part of that anymore. But it was just Emy sitting in solitude, making a complicated beaded bracelet with blue and orange beads which was like a punch to the gut because Emy had designated those colors to Sara’s personality, saying that she was cool and calm, like water or ice until she became passionate and fiery. Emy was a firm believer that two colors on the opposite sides of the color wheel could capture a person’s personality, and for those close to her, she would make themed crafts with those colors. Sara used to point out to her that she’d better save purple and yellow for herself, because those were the perfect colors, because Emy was bright like sunshine, but also sweet, kind, and gentle like purple. It didn’t hurt that purple was a royal color, either.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, watching Emy make that bracelet. Her best friend’s face was sad and tired; the usual smile absent. Emy was alright enough to pretend to be ok in front of others, but when she was alone, her real feelings shone through.

“I love you, Emy.” Sara murmured. “I’m so sorry I had to do this to you. I… I had no choice. If I could, I’d take it back just to be with you.” Her voice got caught in her throat, and she had to throw the telescope to the floor in order to remind herself of her actual surroundings.

She felt like shit, so she supposed a trip to the Morphine room was in order. She could just forget and feel better for a little while, surrounded by an improved reality.

Sara dodged the other residents of the Underworld Palace, though that wasn’t too difficult. Tegan was nowhere to be found, likely moping in her own rooms or finally utilizing their shared bathroom, now that Sara had finally vacated it. Wow, she really needed to request her own rooms. But she worried that it would be too much too soon. After all, she wasn’t even completely used to living in a place with a multi-media library that could fit three of her college’s library inside, or to a place that would cook her literally any sort of food she asked for. She suspected that any set of rooms she’d be given would turn out larger than all of her childhood homes put together. She wouldn’t want to be spoiled… Unlike Tegan, who’d grown up with not only a home bigger than the palace of Versailles (not that Sara had been there), but on Mount Olympus as well, which was even more luxurious and beautiful than the Underworld palace.

Thankfully, the walk to the Morphine room was uneventful. Part of her shook her head at herself, imploring her to find something else to do, as opposed to returning. She knew that it wasn’t the best thing to do, but she felt shy about asking for someone to watch over her, even if it was a spirit who served the castle. She figured that if the poppies were smart enough to know what Sara wanted to see, they knew how long she needed to be in that reality.

As she lay on the ground, surrounded by them, Sara recognized that this was the closest feeling to home she had in the Underworld. Everything else felt like it wasn’t hers, and she was just a surprise guest, which she supposed was the most accurate way to describe her presence. And it wasn’t a nice feeling either. She had no place or purpose there. Hades and Thanatos ran the place (as did Persephone, but she wasn’t currently present), and Tegan was the child of the rulers, so by birthright, she had a place. The palace was likely tailored to her wants and needs as well. But Sara’s fantasy… she was needed there. It welcomed her, unlike the reality where she was an inconvenience. In her old life, at least she contributed something, she thought as she closed her eyes.

The poppies gave her snippets of times with Emy that could have gone differently, building off of each memory they reconstructed, going in chronological order.

This time, the scene was far too familiar. Sara and Emy meeting outside the club, the night Sara met Tegan, but the conversation was different. She and her best friend greeted each other with a hug and held hands as they waited for the others. Emy had no girlfriend. How could she, with the smiles she gave Sara? That wasn’t to say that Sara didn’t return the looks. Their bubble was popped by Eva arriving, but their hands didn’t separate from each other.

“Yeah, I’m just here to get laid.” Sara joked.

“Why not hang out with us?” Emy asked, playfully pouting at her. “I know my drunk dancing looks bad,”

“It’s not bad, it’s unique and creative, which is fitting for you.” Sara cut in fondly. “Don’t shit on your dancing.”

Emy scoffed, briefly head-butting Sara. “As I was saying before you _so rudely_ interrupted, you should hang out with the group. It’ll be fun, even without everyone else.”

“I do prefer smaller groups.” Sara admitted. “And I might as well spend tonight with my best friend as opposed to some stranger…”

“Yay!” Emy grinned, hugging Sara’s arm and resting her head on Sara’s shoulder. Sara smiled tenderly, resting her head against Emy’s.

Even when Sara went to the bar, there was no Tegan, which was a relief. But after that thought, Sara let herself get lost in the dream again, and simply got drinks for herself and Emy, which they shared, talking to each other by yelling over the music. When it was almost midnight, they decided to call it a night, and Rob ushered them into a cab to Sara’s apartment, since she didn’t have a roommate and Emy did, so this would allow them privacy.

“My ears are still ringing.” Sara remarked, probably talking too loud after a long silence. Her body rested against Emy’s.

“Oh my god, same.” Emy replied. “But we got to experience being around so many other beautiful people and experiencing the same music and dancing together, and like… We were one. I love that feeling of being connected to people, because like… This world isn’t made for us to just live in alone. We should be like… united.” And then the floodgate burst, and Emy was crying

“Are you alright, Miss?” The cab driver asked.

“I’m fine… I just… I can’t connect with everyone in the world, and like… I wanna see into as many people’s lives as possible because we all have these unique perspectives and it’s so beautiful despite the billions and billions of people there are…” Emy was slurring her words, and Sara wrapped her arms around her best friend in order to soothe her with a connection so familiar. One that would have existed for six years in September.

“Shhh,” The sound took a lot of effort, but sounded weird, even to Sara’s ears.

“Drunk girls,” The cab driver muttered, half exasperated.

“Drunk best friends!” Sara informed him too forcefully. “I love my best friend so much…”

“I love you too!” Emy started crying harder. “Like… will I ever have a girlfriend that I love as much as you? Probably not!”

“It’s ok, I’m not going anywhere.” Sara promised.

“I hope we’re together forever.” Emy said, leaning into Sara.

“Me too,” Sara agreed.

Rob had already paid the fare for the ride over and then some, so Sara and Emy simply stumbled out of the cab together, and with their teamwork, unlocked all of the necessary doors, and eventually crashed on Sara’s couch.

“Oh my god, let’s watch ‘Made of Honor’, I love romcoms!” Emy suggested, like a kernel of corn popping.

“Yesss!” Sara agreed. They purchased it on demand, discarded their shoes and jackets, and crunched on chips and sipped water as they sobered up a little bit during the runtime of the movie. By the end, they were exhausted and clutched each other, though not for balance, as they made their way to Sara’s bedroom and climbed into her bed. Jeans and bras hit the floor, as they cuddled up together.

Closing her eyes one instant and opening them the next, Sara found that it was morning, and Emy was hugging her, almost like a teddy bear, which was so sweet. They didn’t usually wake up like that, but then again, they usually had this comfortable elastic aspect to their closeness, even outside of this fantasy. But when Emy woke up, they looked into each other’s eyes and kissed. Sara’s heart usually fluttered around like a nervous butterfly on crack when she kissed someone she had feelings for, but this time, it was coming home; her heart oozing warmth and happiness. It was Emy; it always had been.

And with that, Sara woke up from her reverie. The first thing she did after opening her eyes was bring her fingers to her lips, as though she was trying to catch the kiss that had just occurred and prevent it from escaping. It took a moment for her to remember that it wasn’t real; simply a dream. But god, it felt like a reality that if she just reached for, she could grasp and pull herself back into. She wished she could… Sara swallowed, sitting up, her heart sinking through the ground. She let out a long sigh, the silence almost echoing in her ears. She thought about getting up, but it took a while for her body to actually do it. She felt like she was going to cry; in fact she wanted to, but she couldn’t get herself to.

Instead, she trudged around the hallways, listening to the haunting ambience of the Underworld. She heard some faint screams, probably from those being eternally punished for their crimes against humanity.

She looked out into the courtyard, where a figure with dark hair and light clothing sat on a bench, amidst the plants. Perhaps Sara owed Tegan some of her time, especially since she just walked away after Tegan finished going down on her. In principle she felt bad about it, but she wasn’t going to lie to herself and say she regretted it. In fact, it had felt right. She didn’t want it to be personal or meaningful, and she needed to emphasize the no-strings-attached clause. Or maybe Sara was just turning into a sociopath, but she really didn’t feel like navigating what to say after that interaction.v

So she made her way to the courtyard. She found Tegan wearing a white chiton, a black sports bra obvious underneath, boxers peeking out from under the hem on her thighs, but her feet were bare. Her facial expression probably wasn’t giving away her actual mood, as her nose was currently buried in a novel.

Sara approached at a snail’s pace, unsure if she actually wanted to talk to Tegan, or if she just felt bad or lonely.

“Hey,” She finally said, once she felt a bit too much like voyeur at watching Tegan live so naturally in her home. It was an innocent moment, but it felt so intensely private. But Sara liked this side of Tegan: crossing her legs at the ankles, tucking her feet underneath the bench, her elbows tucked in as she read the book, imperfect posture from sitting back in her seat… Tegan almost looked like a normal girl that Sara would want to ask out in a coffee shop and then kiss after she’d received oral sex. Not like… Well, who she was. Low-self-esteem was forgivable and workable. But Tegan… She was a lot messier, not to mention their situation. Or perhaps that was just Sara making excuses for herself. It had been a long day, and she just wanted some peace.

“Oh, um… hi,” Tegan’s gaze had snapped up to find the source of the voice. She forced a smile upon identifying that Sara was the source. Credit where credit was due: her voice didn’t sound startled at all. With the life Tegan was born into, Sara wondered if Tegan just didn’t startle easily… unlike Emy.

“What are you reading?” Sara asked.

“What? Oh. It’s just a comedy,” Tegan replied. “I… I like satire for when…”

“I’m so sorry.” Sara murmured.

“No! Not like that. No, I just… It’s not you.” Tegan put down the book and sighed, surprisingly rising to correct posture, and planting her feet flat on the ground, hands resting on her knees. She visibly swallowed, avoiding eye contact with Sara. There was a nervous edge to her voice.

“I still apologize though… I can’t exactly explain why I did what I did in a way that would make sense because it’s so complicated.” Sara sighed at her own words.

“No, no… I… It’s ok. Um… Would you believe that I… I’ve had worse relationships?” Tegan asked, offering a sheepish and wry smile.

“Now I do.” Sara admitted, holding back a smile of her own, this one of amusement. Sometimes she really forgot that Tegan was almost two and a half thousand years old, and how much time had to go into that. Only a little more than a month had passed since the night that was the catalyst for everything, and the time in between dragged out, making it feel more like a year had passed. To Tegan this was probably no time at all.

“Would like to… Um… Would you care to sit? With me?” Tegan gestured to the space on the bench next to her in a rather choppy motion.

Wordlessly, Sara sat down next to Tegan, unsure of what to say.

“Um… Maybe I should elaborate… Well, dating as the youngest goddess, and the daughter of Hades and Persephone is a tad… rough.” Tegan continued, as though she was scared of silence. “So, uh… not only was finding a partner difficult, so was forming a lasting relationship. Mine usually didn’t last very long. Two decades is my record. I know that’s sad… especially compared to a lot of other relationships my family has had.” She looked down at the book in her lap almost wistfully, clasping her hands and resting them on her lap.

“Did they find you intimidating or something?” Sara asked, slightly confused.

Tegan let out a short laugh that was almost under pressure, as though that was preposterous but she also had to laugh. “Oh, goodness no. Not me, anyway.” She replied, actually making eye contact with Sara now. “No, um… my parents are the intimidating ones. I’m not, and I probably won’t be.”

“I can attest to your parents being intimidating.” Sara agreed, offering a lopsided smile. “They sure scared the shit out of me… Thanatos too. You’re a lot more approachable.”

“The force I have behind me if I am wronged is terrifying, even for most other gods.” Tegan elaborated further, hands fidgeting in her lap. “My mother is known as the harsher one, I think I told you. But my father has many methods of punishing someone available. Those two combined, along with his undying support for my mother means that things would end badly for anyone who cheated or something like that. When my father strayed, my mother created the Mint plant out of the woman in question.”

Sara’s eyes bulged. “Oh my god.”

Tegan shrugged. “That’s an accurate assessment to that story. First, it’s hard to believe my father would stray after everything my mother went through, but to be fair, the woman did look an awful lot like my mother. Second, it’s also difficult to wrap one’s head around the idea that my mother ever forgave my father… She did, though she never really justifies why she gave him another chance. Maybe because she had a gut feeling that it would be alright. But also it might have been that divorce was impossible for them, but I do think that if my mother really wanted her marriage to my father voided, she would somehow get it… But I digress… Sorry. Um, anyway, my parents are terrifying if you anger them, and it’s even scarier that they love me so, because love… well, it’s a strange thing amongst the gods. We can’t even go six months without petty arguments or disagreements popping up. Some feuds run deep, extending back before humanity really kicked off. But they have this bond between them… My grandmother doesn’t like my father much, but if united over a single issue, they wouldn’t waver from their loyalty. Most relationships amongst the gods are like that. But, we don’t call it love. We really wouldn’t dream of that, to be honest.”

“Most siblings are like that, actually. After a certain point, there’s no denying that you love each other.” Sara remarked, shrugging. “But I can understand why a parent’s love for a child is terrifying amongst a mess of dysfunctional romantic relationships and sibling ride or die situations. While there is no love more complicated than the kind between a parent and a child… The inevitable degree of unconditional love…” She shook her head. “I wonder if any of them knows what a healthy relationship is, period.”

“Well… um… I think my parents seem to.” Tegan replied softly.

“Ok, them I definitely agree; that does seem healthy. But everyone else…” Sara shook her head.

“I was born long after things had already been established and people’s relationships became secure. It was decided that after my birth, no additions to the gods allowed without unanimous approval. I didn’t… Um… I didn’t have to exist.” Tegan shrugged, staring at the ground.

“Neither did I.” Sara offered. “And yet here we are.”

“Oh, it’s different though,” Tegan said quickly, and almost automatically, like she was programmed to do so. “I’m a goddess. You’re just a human. Humans were created to worship us, and for the Underworld royalty, to serve us, as the lowest. It’s really not the same at all. You wouldn’t see a goddess even possibly cleaning and cooking, the way humans do every day. It would be foolish to pretend that you were anything other than lucky to be here with me right now, when you could have been destined to do dirty work around this palace, had you chosen a certain path in life.”

Sara remained quiet. Just when she thought Tegan would make somewhat good company, she started to spout this shit.

For the second time, she got up and walked away from Tegan, choosing to sleep, rather than hear more about how the gods were above humans. She didn’t need to be reminded how much she didn’t belong in the Underworld. It only made her miss her old life more, and long for what might have happened if she had stayed with Emy the entire night at the club, rather than met Tegan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed reading, thank you for all the support XOXO


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